


tell me if you want to stay tonight

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:24:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 75,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: “So, Aaron.” Robert pushed open one of the heavy glass doors, flashing him a grin over his shoulder. “Are you ready to get the full Robert Sugden university experience?”Aaron shrugged, feigning disinterest. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”when aaron meets robert on the first day of university, he doesn't expect the other man to end up defining the three years he spends there. that was just the robert sugden university experience, he supposed.





	1. first year: i

**Author's Note:**

> some warnings for unhealthy levels of alcohol consumption throughout this fic.

Aaron didn’t even  _want_  to go to university, he grumbled to himself as he stood outside an empty lecture theatre, turning his phone on and off airplane mode, vainly hoping his mobile data would magically start working. He hadn’t realised this building was literally a dead end when it came to mobile reception, so now he was stranded, with no way of  _actually_  checking where he was supposed to be that morning.

(If he hadn’t been hungover at orientation, maybe -  _maybe_ he’d have remembered where exactly his class was, but he’d been out the previous night with his new roommates, and well - Aaron had been lucky to make it through the day without puking his guts up.)

He’d planned to go to student IT and ask them to hook his phone up to the campus internet, he really had, but that meant admitting to the smarmy blonde tech guy he’d met at orientation that he genuinely hadn’t listened to a word he’d said when he’d explained how to connect to the WiFi.

Aaron didn’t want to prove him right, thank you very much.

(Not after the smarmy tech guy had made a comment about how Aaron looked halfway to death and it was only the first day of university.)

His phone was clearly feeling as stubborn as he was there and then, refusing to load the timetable he’d accessed that morning. Aaron  _swore_  he’d triple checked the timetable, making sure he had the right room.

Apparently not.

Sighing, Aaron slid down the wall, sitting on the tiled floor. He was at the end of a quiet hallway, no idea where the  _hell_  his introduction to management and marketing class was actually on, and wondering if he could just drop out, and it was only day  _one_.

His mum was going to  _kill_  him for skipping classes the first week, if she found out.

The deal was that Aaron would go to university, get a business degree, and then she’d get off his case about  _everything_ , basically.

He couldn’t imagine having to go through three years of this. Three years of trying to figure out the stupidly large campus, trying to figure out where his lectures were actually on, never mind the impending workload he was dreading.

This was always going to be a disaster. If Aaron made it to Christmas without dropping out, it would be a miracle.

“You lost?”

Of course.

 _Of course_  the smarmy blonde idiot who worked in student IT was standing in front of him, a messenger bag slung across his broad shoulders, the blue jumper he was wearing hugging tightly to every muscle of his body, blond hair messily pushed off his forehead, the kind of casual gorgeous Aaron never could be.

He was  _stupidly_  good-looking.

“Nah, decided to sit here instead of going to class,” Aaron replied, unable to keep the snark out of his voice. He was  _hardly_  sitting here for the fun of it, spending the first day of university hiding in a random corridor.

“Mind if I join you?” He didn’t seem phased by his annoyance, standing, hands on hips, blatantly looking Aaron up and down. Aaron was willing himself not to flush under the other boy’s gaze, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was working, his cheeks hot.

“I do, actually,” Aaron said, giving Robert a disdainful look.

The blond ignored Aaron’s snappy tone, easing himself into a sitting position on the floor next to Aaron, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He was wearing a ridiculously well fitting pair of trousers, the dark blue material tight around his thighs. “You a first year?”

Aaron was about to make another snappy comment, but he held his tongue, figuring he should probably give the other boy a chance. He’d have a fairly shit time at university if he lost it with every person he vaguely disliked, wouldn’t he? “Yeah.”

“I’m in second year,” he offered, rather unhelpfully. “Computer science. You?”

“Business management.” Aaron picked a loose thread on the cuff of his hoodie, not quite looking at the blond. “And yeah, I am lost. Stupid timetable won’t work.”

“Reception is terrible in this building. You not on the campus WiFi?” Robert’s grin was enough to send Aaron around the twist, a knowing smirk on the blond’s face.

Aaron rolled his eyes in response, his focus on the noticeboard on the opposite wall. It was advertising some play happening a month from now, leaflets for clubs and societies scattered across the board.

He wished he wanted to get involved with everything going on, but the mere idea of walking into a room full of strangers and trying to be friendly with them all was absolutely  _terrifying_.

(Terrifying, and entirely unappealing.)

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?” Aaron raised an eyebrow, giving

“Because I’ll sort your WiFi out,” the blond rolled his eyes, holding out a hand, giving Aaron an expectant look.

Aaron reluctantly handed over his phone, unlocking the screen before he passed it over, glad he didn’t have to fumble with the access code. That was all down to Paddy, his (former) step-father giving him a new phone as a going away present, one of the ‘fancy pants smart ones’, to quote Paddy’s exact words.

“I’m Robert, by the way,” the blond introduced, fiddling with the settings on Aaron’s phone.

“Aaron.”

“Nice to meet you Aaron.  _Officially_ , at least,” Robert grinned. “You got that bit of paper I gave you on the first day?”

Aaron nodded, rooting in his bag for the crumpled bit of paper, passing it to Robert, hoping Robert wouldn’t comment on the fact there was a massive coffee stain on the paper from where Aaron had been using it as a coaster.

“You could have come down to the IT centre and asked one of us to fix this, you know,” Robert commented, not looking up from Aaron’s phone as he typed. His brow furrowed as he concentrated, his face scrunched up.

He looked good, even when he was pulling a face like that.

“My phone was working fine until I came here,” Aaron huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. He was hardly going to admit that he hadn’t gone to student IT to get it fixed because he didn’t fancy running into Robert again.

“You living in halls?”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, why?”

“You’ve not got WiFi there then either, have ya?”

“Don’t need it.”

“You won’t be saying that when you’re trying to get an assignment done in a few weeks,” Robert handed him back his phone. “Sorted. You’ve to pick a new password when you set all this up, so yours is iloverobert17.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright.”

“You’re welcome.” Robert grinned, leaning his head back against the wall, his work done. “So what made you think you had a lecture in this building?”

“This is the business school building, right?”

“This is the science building,” Robert said, pointing toward a sign above their heads. “See? All labs.”

Aaron groaned, slamming his head back against the wall, not caring if he was being over dramatic. “I’m  _never_  going to get the hang of this.”

“University? You’ll settle in, it’s not so bad,” Robert shrugged, a knowing look on his face. He’d obviously been through it all himself, those tentative first few weeks where nothing made sense, and Aaron just sort of felt like he could trust him, trust him with how he was feeling.

“I didn’t even want to come to university.” Aaron wasn’t sure why he was admitting this to Robert, he barely knew him. But he just wanted to tell someone how he felt, he wanted someone to  _listen_  to him.

“Why did you then?”

“My mum made me, said I needed to get my life on track.” Aaron admitted, stretching his legs out in front of him. “ _And_  now I’ve missed my first lecture, so it’s going well.”

“Its freshers week, no one expects you to go to lectures.” Robert shrugged. “More because you’re supposed to be too hungover to function than you getting lost, but I bet you half your class isn’t even there.”

Aaron didn’t reply.

“You get your ticket for disorientation?”

“For what?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“The big freshers party on in the student union Thursday night? Jesus, you are a shit fresher, aren’t ya?” Robert teased.

“If you’re going to be a pain in the arse, you can fuck off.”

“I’m always a pain, its part of the charm,” Robert grinned. “Show us your timetable then.”

“Why?”

“So I can tell you where your class is. You can go in late if you’re that bothered.”

Aaron pulled up his student portal and handed his phone over, watching as Robert scanned his timetable.

“All the B&L lectures tend to be over in the innovation centre or the old quad.” Robert said. “See there? Q147? Thats room 47 on the first floor of the Quad.”

“I’m never going to fucking understand all those codes.” Aaron sighed. “Where even is the quad? Or the innovation centre? You know, I might just drop out now and save myself some hassle.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Robert snorted, getting to his feet completely inelegantly, stumbling slightly as he got up. He looked even taller from this angle, towering over Aaron. “Come on, get up.”

“Why?"

“Because I’m going to give you a proper tour of campus,  _and_  show you where you can get the best coffee around here - not the cheap muck they serve in the student union,” Robert offered him a hand.

“Don’t you have a lecture?” Aaron eyed Robert’s outstretched hand, trying to decide if he wanted to agree or not. He really should go to his lecture, but he didn’t really fancy turning down coffee with someone like Robert, in favour of introduction to business management.

“I do,” Robert glanced down the hallway, gesturing vaguely at one of the lecture rooms. “But I’d much rather spend my morning with you.”

Aaron tried to hide his grin as he let Robert help him to his feet, the two of them strolling down the hallway toward the front doors of the building. Robert  _was_  absolutely gorgeous, it was the first thing Aaron had noticed about him - aside from his arrogance and general air of ‘I’m better than you’, but it’s not like that wasn’t attractive in its own way.

He was  _hardly_  going to turn down coffee with him.

“So, Aaron.” Robert pushed open one of the heavy glass doors, flashing him a grin over his shoulder. “Are you ready to get the full Robert Sugden university experience?”

Aaron shrugged, feigning disinterest. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Dingle! You actually make it to class today?”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Robert approaching, his bag slung over his chest. They’d talked for hours, that first day, and it had been so nice, Aaron couldn’t pretend like he wasn’t happy to see the other boy. “Yeah, managed to find this one.”

“Glad to hear it.” Robert grinned, holding out a slip of bright blue paper to Aaron. “Go on, it’s for you.”

Aaron took the paper, raising an eyebrow as he scanned the neatly printed lettering. “A ticket for disorientation?”

“I’ve got a mate in the student union, he got me two free tickets.” Robert shrugged, rocking slightly on his heels. “So are you going to come with me or not?”

“Are you asking me out?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“I’m asking if you want to come and get drunk with me on Thursday night,” Robert grinned. “I can’t make any promises after that.”

“I don’t know, it’s not my scene.”

“Hey, I thought you said you were ready for the Robert Sugden university experience. This is a  _vital_  part of it!”

Aaron sighed. “Yeah, alright, fine.”

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” Robert rolled his eyes. “I’ll meet you outside the student union at ten on Thursday, yeah?”

Aaron tried to muster a smile to rival Robert’s, which was easier than he had expected it to be. Why was he so excited to go on a night out with this guy he barely knew? Aaron wasn’t much of a one for mad parties, if he was honest - a few pints down the pub and he’d be happy. The idea of a packed student union, first years everywhere, it wasn’t exactly his first choice of how to spend a Thursday.

But somehow, he found himself agreeing without hesitation.

“Yeah, see you then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t believe you’ve talked me into going to this stupid party.” Aaron shouted into Robert’s ear, trying to be heard over the thumping music that was playing. It was insanely busy, and Aaron was being shoved closer and closer to Robert with every passing song, drunk people dancing around them, the floors sticky under their feet.

“Are you not having a good time?” Robert replied, hooking an arm around Aaron’s shoulder and pulling him close, making sure the line of drunk out of their mind students who were pushing past them didn’t force them apart again, Aaron ending up in the middle of the dance floor with a girl draped over him, last time.

(“Not my type,” Aaron had shrugged, when Robert had asked why he hadn’t gone for it.)

(He wasn’t going to acknowledge the bright smile that had appeared on Robert’s face as soon as he said that, because hen he’d have to admit the other boy wanted him just as much as Aaron wanted him.)

Aaron was drunk. Like, he was definitely drunk. He’d been drinking in halls before he’d even come to the party, and then Robert had insisted on buying them a round of shots as soon as they’d walked through the door of the bar, so the world was a little blurry around the edges, the flashing lights not exactly helping his focus.

He felt good though.

He did feel good. Relaxed, and happy, and very turned on by his proximity to Robert.

“Maybe.” Aaron replied, biting his lip, unable to tear his gaze away from Robert. 

“You’ve got to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Biting your lip.” Robert said, reaching up and pulling Aaron’s lip from between his bottom teeth. “You’re making me want to snog the face off ya.”

Aaron's heart pounded in his chest as he replied. “Maybe I want you too.”

It barely took a second for Robert to smash their lips together, a messy kiss that tasted like beer, and cheap tequila.

It was hardly the height of romance, but Aaron responded eagerly, grabbing handfuls of Robert shirt in his hands as they snogged, the music still blaring around them.

He felt dizzy as they broke apart, a combination of the alcohol and the lack of oxygen, and the overwhelming heat of the bar, the crush of students making for an interesting (and sweaty) first kiss.

(It was still a good first kiss.)

“I’ve wanted ya since the first day I saw ya.” Robert admitted, leaning in and speaking right into Aaron’s ear, his teeth grazing against Aaron’s earlobe as he spoke, his breath hot against Aaron’s skin.

Aaron let his eyes flutter shut for a second before he replied, his heart feeling as though it was about to burst out of his chest, it was beating so fast. “My halls are only five minutes away.”

Robert smirked. “What are we waiting for then?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron felt like he was  _literally_  dying as he woke up, his stomach churning and his heading swimming.

“Stop movin’.”

It took Aaron a second to remember why there was someone else in his bed, shoving him up against the wall and taking up most of the room in the narrow twin, but as his eyes adjusted to the room, he came face to face with Robert.

As his brain caught up with the rest of his body, very distinctive memories came flooding back, memories of the way Robert’s hands had felt against his bare skin, the way it had felt like Robert was setting his skin alight with every kiss, every roll of his hips.

Flushing slightly, Aaron shifted in the narrow sliver of space he had, trying to get comfortable. “You’re taking up my entire bed,” he commented, watching as Robert cracked open on eyelid.

“Mate, I rocked your world last night. I think I’m allowed to take up a bit of space.” Robert retorted. His hair was practically standing on end, blond tuffs sticking out at all angles. He looked ridiculous, a shadow of the put together boy Aaron had gotten to know over the past week, but Aaron’s heart still skipped a beat in his chest as he unashamedly drank in Robert’s sleep soft appearance. “Anyway, you’re the one who refused to cuddle up with me, so technically this is your fault.”

“No one actually cuddles, it makes it too hot to sleep.” Aaron repeated his justification from the previous night. “Who said you rocked my world anyway?”

“You did.  _Robert, Robert don’t stop, please don’t stop_ -  **ow** , what was that for?” Robert yelped as Aaron twisted his nipple, a wicked grin on his face.

“Don’t be a prick,” Aaron shrugged, flicking at Robert’s bare skin, making the other boy squirm. “Anyway, you were hardly quiet, were ya?  _God Aaron, you feel so fucking good,”_  he mimicked Robert’s voice, making himself sound breathless and over excited, a complete over-exaggeration of how Robert had been the previous evening.

“Oh, you think you’re funny, do you?” Robert raised an eyebrow, moving so that he was pinning Aaron to the mattress, straddling his waist. Aaron got a good look at him as the duvet fell away, somewhat impressed by the line of hickeys he’d clearly spent a lot of time on the previous night.

“I know I’m funny., Aaron tried his best to keep a straight face as Robert rolled his hips against his, the touch of their bare skin electric.

Robert leaned in to kiss him, the two of them grimacing at the taste.

“What did we drink last night?” Aaron pulled away, wiping at his mouth, the vile aftermath of the cheap alcohol they’d been knocking back the previous night turning his stomach.

“I have no idea,” Robert admitted with a laugh. “But your mouth tastes like the inside of a  _bin_.”

“You’re hardly much better!” Aaron retorted. “I’ve got mouthwash, get off me.”

“Demanding.” Robert teased, but stood up, unashamedly naked as he strolled over to Aaron’s sink, taking an second to inspect the bottles before he found the mouthwash. Aaron took another second to admire the toned form of Robert’s back before he got out of bed, taking the mouthwash from him.

He swirled the minty liquid around his mouth for a couple of seconds, spitting it into the sink. Aaron could probably do with brushing his teeth and having a proper shower, in all honesty, but it would do.

Robert tugged at Aaron’s unruly mess of curls, pressing their lips together in a slow, lingering kiss. “Mm, much better.”

Aaron didn’t say anything, just tilted his head so he could get a better angle, sliding his tongue into Robert’s mouth. It didn’t exactly take long for Robert to get the message, the blonde grabbing handfuls of Aaron’s waist, pushing him back toward the bed.

“Want you.” Robert breathed against Aaron’s lips, shoving him back down onto the pillows, kicking the duvet aside.

Aaron looked up at him, giving a slight shrug. “You know where the condoms are.”

“No working up to it? Jesus, Dingle, you’re killing me with the romance here.”

“‘M hungover, not in the mood for you to take your time.” Aaron snorted. “My head is banging and you’re a pain in the arse, best get it over and done with.”

“A  _literal_  pain in your arse if you give me two minutes.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, reaching out to grab the discarded bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside locker. He’d bought them, in the spirit of freshers week and all that, but he hadn’t expected to be ripping into the box this early on in the semester.

Not that Aaron was complaining. It had been an absolute  _age_  since he’d had a proper shag, and not that he’d ever admit it to Robert, but he  _was_  great in bed.

Aaron let his eyes close as Robert coated his fingers in lube, easily pushing one finger, then two into his arse.

“I really did a number on you last night,” Robert commented, his fingers moving in quick scissoring motions.

“Your dick isn't that big, give over.” Aaron mumbled, his breathing unsteady as pleasure started to shoot through his body, counteracting the vicious hangover he’d woken up with.

Robert mouthed at Aaron’s jawline, a satisfied grin on his face as he angled his fingers slightly, brushing against Aaron’s prostrate. Aaron tried to hold his moan in, but it slipped out, even as he bit down on his bottom lip.

“I could just keep teasing you like this, you know.”

“Do it, and I’ll set fire to your hair,” Aaron said, completely serious. He didn’t do teasing at the best of times, but especially not when he was hungover as anything, and just looking to get fucked.

He was a simple man, with simple needs.

Robert laughed, leaning forward so he could plant a sloppy kiss on Aaron’s lips, three fingers deep now. “You good?”

Aaron nodded, squirming under Robert’s teasing touch. “Hurry up.”

“Are you always this angry in bed?”

“Why, is it turning you on?” Aaron retorted, giving his dick a few tugs as he watched Robert roll the condom on, spreading some lube over his own dick, around the edges of Aaron’s hole.

“Maybe.” Robert pushed at his knees, forcing Aaron to expose himself a bit more. They were silent for a few minutes as Robert pushed in, Aaron wincing through the initial stretch before his body quickly adjusted, still somewhat relaxed and blissed out from the previous night.

Aaron wrapped an arm around Robert’s shoulders, pulling him close. “You’re on your own if you ask me to spank you,” he joked, enjoying the look of absolute concentration on Robert’s face.

“What, you not a fan of a quick slap on the arse?” Robert teased, making out as though he was going to try it.

“Not a fucking chance, mate.” Aaron clenched his arse, relishing in the way Robert’s eyes rolled back into his head at the sensation. “Are you going to get on with it, or?”

“Oh, you’re going to regret that.” Robert promised, pulling out completely before he slammed back in, Aaron helpless as he hit his prostrate dead on. “That good enough for you?”

“At least you’re not all talk,” Aaron replied with a smirk, pulling Robert in for a kiss as he started to thrust properly, the two of them falling into a natural rhythm with each other, Aaron grinding down as Robert thrusted in.

It was good.

God, was it bloody good.

Aaron couldn’t quite catch his breath as they broke apart, Robert burying his face in Aaron’s neck, mouthing at the skin there. Closing his eyes again, Aaron let the sensations overwhelm him completely, his entire body alight with pleasure.

The way Robert’s stomach was pressing against his dick was too much to handle, and Aaron felt a familiar twist in his stomach, internally groaning at how quickly it was all going to be over.

Hangover sex was good and bad, but definitely  _always_  over too quickly.

“You close?” Robert asked, absolutely wild-eyed as he looked at Aaron, his cheeks flushed pink.

Aaron nodded, yanking him back in for a snog. It only took a few more thrusts to send him over the edge, his hand moving up and down his dick at a furious pace. He panted into Robert’s mouth as his orgasm hit, the blonde not letting up on his pace until he’d come too, Aaron practically whimpering with oversensitivity as Robert pulled out.

Three times in a matter of a few hours was a  _lot_ for someone who hadn’t exactly been getting any over the summer, before university had begun.

Aaron cleaned up the sticky remains of his orgasm, grimacing as Robert passed him the used condom.

“Bin’s on your side.” Robert shrugged, his back now against the wall. “Plus, my dick was just  _in_  you, so you can’t be too disgusted.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but tossed the condom away anyway, turning back to Robert, who straight away took the opportunity to kiss him softly, the urgency they’d felt a few minutes ago sated.

“I think I feel more hungover,” Aaron admitted.

“I think I might still be a little bit drunk,” Robert admitted with a snort. “You want me to go?”

“Don’t care.”

“Good, because I’m going back to sleep now.” Robert settled himself down on the pillow, pulling the duvet up around them. His eyes were half closed as he settled an arm across Aaron’s waist, holding him close.

“What did I say about cuddling?”

“Don’t care. I feel fragile and there’s no space in this bed,” Robert replied, his grip iron tight.

Aaron rolled his eyes, but didn’t fight him on it, letting his eyes close.

Sleep might cure the hangover.

At the very least, he might get another round out of Robert by time they woke up again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Dingle! You fancy a coffee?”_

Aaron grimaced at the queue in front of him. “I’ve got to buy a book for my marketing class,” he said, half his class waiting in line in front of him. He'd have gone fuck it and bought it another day under any other circumstances, but the lecturer was a prat and wanted them all to have the book by the next lecture.

Which happened to be  _that_  day.

“ _Boring. You at the campus bookshop then?_ ”

“Yeah, the queue is insane,” Aaron sighed, looking ahead at the queue. It was at a complete standstill, the line held up by whoever was arguing with the cashier at the top.

(Because none of them had anywhere better to be, right?)

 _“Always is, this time of year,”_ Robert replied, his tone knowing.  _“I’m in the student centre. Come and meet me in the cafe when you’re done, I’ll shout you lunch.”_

“I could be ages yet,” Aaron pointed out.

 _“Good thing I’ve got nowhere to be for a while then, innit?”_ Robert said.  _“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to avoid me.”_

“You don’t know any better,” Aaron smirked, the queue inching forward.

_“Ouch. You’re harsh, you know that?”_

“You get off on it Robert, don’t lie,” Aaron laughed. “I’ll text you when I’m nearly done. I want chips, by the way”

_“Chips? I could have been offering you a gourmet meal here, you know.”_

“You could have, but you’re at the student centre cafe, so the best they’ve got is chips. _”_  Aaron said. “You told me that.”

_“You’re a fast learner, you must have a good teacher.”_

“Go away and stop annoying me you prick.” Aaron laughed, hanging up. He’d barely gotten his phone back in his pocket when one of the girls he vaguely recognised from one of his first lectures turned to face him.

“You been together long?” she asked. “You and your boyfriend.”

Aaron didn’t exactly remember how him being gay became common knowledge with his classmates, but he had hazy memories of a freshers party when Adam had tried to shove him toward some leggy blonde in their course, and he’d made some terrible joke about her needing to get a sex change for him to be interested.

(He should probably stop drinking.)

“Oh, we’re not - he’s not my boyfriend,” Aaron shook his head.

“Oh, sorry! It just sounded like it,” she did look genuinely apologetic, to be fair to the girl. “I can’t believe we’ve got to waste sixty pounds on this book. No other lecturer makes you buy the books you know.”

“Sixty quid?” Thank  _fuck_  Robert was shouting him lunch then. Aaron wasn’t exactly made of money, and sixty quid was going to put a massive dent in his budget for the next few weeks.

The girl nodded. “I know, right? I bet you any money, we’ll never even use the bloody thing. I’m telling you, the amount of money we pay to be here, we should just get the books for free!”

Aaron nodded. “Seems mad, alright.”

The girl looked delighted as they got to the top of the queue. “Finally! I’ve got a tutorial in ten minutes, thought I’d  _never_  make it.”

Aaron didn’t reply, watching as the girl asked for the book. He couldn’t for the life of him remember her name, but he knew he’d talked to her before.

Bethan? Bethany? Something beginning with a B, he thought.

Aaron eventually managed to get the book he needed, reluctantly handing over the sixty quid for it. It’s not like he had a lot of money to be throwing around, and sixty quid felt like it was going to put a serious dent in his bank account, and all for a  _marketing_  book he was probably never going to read.

**to: robert**

_You’d better have chips waiting for me, Sugden._

Robert’s reply buzzed through a second later.

**from: robert**

_You’re demanding. Chips and a coke do ya?_

Aaron spotted Robert sitting in a corner of the cafe, so he didn’t bother replying. “Sixty quid,” he said, slamming the book down on the table as he slid into the free seat in front of Robert. “Sixty quid for a bloody book on marketing strategies.”

“Welcome to university. I’d to get a book for one of my modules this semester that cost me over a hundred pounds, I nearly died,” Robert pushed a plate of chips toward him, halfway through a sandwich himself. “You sure thats all you want?”

Aaron nodded. “Not a big fan of what you’ve got.”

“What? A wrap? Is it the lettuce thats putting ya off? I’ve yet to see you eat a vegetable,” Robert wafted his wrap at Aaron, lettuce and tomato half falling out of it.

“Potato is a vegetable!” Aaron rolled his eyes, tucking into his chips. “Don’t be a nag.”

“How was your day otherwise?” Robert asked, taking a swig of his coffee. He was always drinking coffee, Robert - the handful of times Aaron had seen him around campus in the last week or two, he’d permanently had a cup of coffee in hand.

“Boring.” Aaron shrugged, swigging back some of the ice cold coke. “Managed to make it to that tutorial you keep making me miss though.”

Robert grinned. “You’ve never minded missing that class.”

Aaron snorted, chewing a mouthful of chips. “No, but my lecturer decided to point out I was making my first appearance this morning.”

“I hope you said it was because you usually have a gorgeous second year in your bed that’s keeping you busy,” Robert winked. He had no shortage of self confidence, Robert, and Aaron was equal parts annoyed by it, and jealous of it.

“Of course, I love telling lecturers about my sex life.”

“Me too,” Robert laughed. “It makes us all so much closer, you know? Exchanging sordid details about who we’re sleeping with over a coding assignment, it’s all  _very_  modern here at university.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Robert reached for Aaron’s can of coke, taking a drink. “An idiot that you chose to hang out with, so who’s the  _real_  idiot here?”

Aaron couldn’t help but smile.

It was surprisingly easy, being with Robert.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you around?” Aaron said into his mobile, spinning slightly in his desk chair, the mess of papers and notebooks on his desk a blatant reminder that he should be writing his first proper essay of the year, and shouldn’t be calling Robert to try and convince him to come around.

_“Depends what you want me for.”_

Everything Robert said was flirtatious, Aaron thought to himself rolling his eyes.

“I  _may_  have disconnected my laptop from the campus internet, I need a hand.” Aaron admitted, looking at his laptop. He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d managed to do, and he had no idea how to go about fixing it.

 _“Mm, you say such sexy things to me Dingle,”_ Robert replied, his tone teasing.  _“I’m working at the IT desk in the computer centre until six, call down to me.”_

“That means putting on pants though.”

_“I’m not opposed to the idea of you not wearing pants.”_

Aaron rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure everyone else would like it as much.”

_“Pity. I’ll call around to your halls when I’m done, how about that?”_

“You just want me for my body.”

_“Of course I do! Plus you’re going to buy me Chinese because I’ll be starving, so.. We all win, in this situation.”_

Aaron laughed, not exactly opposed to the idea of getting to spend an evening in with Robert. If he was just going to pop by to fix Aaron’s laptop, he wouldn’t be asking for food, would he? “Text me on what you want then.”

_“Yessir. See you in a bit.”_

Aaron hung up his phone, tossing it onto his desk. It was nearly two months into the semester now, and he was starting to settle into university, a bit at least - Robert had been right, that first day.

He’d gotten used to it.

It helped that he’d been routinely sleeping with Robert since freshers, the older man staying over in Aaron’s tiny bed in halls easily three nights a week these days.

The sex was  _fantastic_  and Robert was good company, so it was alright. It was  _great_ , if Aaron was being completely honest.

It’s not like they were seeing each other, like they were in a relationship or anything, but it felt good to know someone around campus. Aaron was half-heartedly getting to know the people living on his floor in halls, trying his best to get on board with the good-natured ribbing he was getting from his neighbour about the hot blond who was leaving his room every other morning.

At least being gay hadn’t really caused any hassle for him. Aaron hadn’t really expected it to, but there was always going to be a nervous part of his brain that anticipated snide remarks about his sexuality.

Throwing on some music, Aaron set about tidying his room up a bit. He wasn’t exactly used to living entirely out of one room, so it was always a mess - his sheets were kicked to the floor, a stack of empty plates and cups steadily building up in his sink.

Tugging on a pair of tracksuit bottoms, Aaron quickly made his bed before gathering up the plates and cups, padding down the hallway to the shared kitchen. Adam was sitting at the kitchen table, tearing into a plate of pasta.

“Aaron, mate - have you started that assignment for marketing yet?” he asked, his mouth half full, a sauce stain on the open pages of his book, looking frustrated as anything. “It’s doin’ my head in.”

Aaron shook his head, letting the water run. It always took ages for the water to heat up, and he didn’t fancy doing the pile of washing up he had with cold water. “I was going to start, my laptop’s playing up though.”

“It’s horrendous mate,” Adam sighed, slumping back in his chair. “Absolute load of shit.”

“Isn’t our entire degree a load of shit?” Aaron commented, quickly washing the plates and cups, stacking them neatly on the draining board.

“You’re a ray of sunshine today, aren’t you?” Adam snorted. “You not getting any from the mystery blond anymore?”

“Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Aw, he break up with you?”

“We’re not together Adam,” Aaron rolled his eyes, drying his hands off with one of the vaguely clean looking tea towels lying on the kitchen counter. As he spoke, his phone bleeped to life.

“So thats not him texting you then?”

Aaron rolled his eyes, glancing at the screen.

**from: robert**

_Chow mein. And a side of your arse, please._

“Nope,” Aaron typed out a quick reply. “It’s my mum, actually. Checking up on me as per usual.”

“You going home anytime soon?” Adam inquired, clearly happy to take any excuse to not work on his essay.

“Nah, couldn’t be bothered.” Aaron shrugged, leaning against the sink. “I’ll go home at half term or something, keep her happy.”

“I’m going to head home this weekend.” Adam offered. “It’s my sisters birthday, and mum’ll go mad if I don’t make the effort to come back when we’ve got a four day weekend.”

“At least I’ll have a bit of peace with you gone then, eh?” Aaron grinned, ducking the pen Adam had thrown at him.

“You having dinner with us tonight or is the boyfriend calling around?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Aaron said automatically, scrolling through his dialled numbers to find the number for the Chinese down the road. He’d eaten there far too often already, considering he’d only been at university for a month and a bit. “But yeah, he’s calling around.”

“Mate, you  _need_  to have that conversation,” Adam said. “See where you stand with him! You’ve been sleeping with him for weeks now, it’s clearly getting serious.”

“I’m not some sappy teenage girl, Adam, I don’t need him to hold my hand and take me on a date,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “We shag and hang out sometimes, it’s brilliantly uncomplicated.”

Adam snorted. “I’m pretty sure that’s how every single romantic comedy starts out.”

“And you'd know that because…..?”

Adam flushed. “Scarlett watches a lot of them.”

“Mate, I think you need to focus on your own love life.” Aaron smirked. Scarlett lived on their floor, and Adam had been obsessed from the first night of freshers. “Nearly two months in and you’ve not even gotten close to having a chance with her. She’s way out of your league!”

“Oi! You’re just jealous you can’t have me, Dingle.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Stop being a pest, I’ve got stuff to do.”

“More like someone to do!” Adam hollered after him, Aaron ignoring his friend as he returned to his room, calling up the Chinese takeout. He was starving, now he was thinking about it - he’d gone for lunch with Adam after class that morning, but beyond that he’d done nothing but drink tea and slack off all day.

He  _probably_  ended up ordering too much food, but at least it was tomorrow’s dinner sorted.

Passing away ten minutes or so at his desk, Aaron absently scrolled through Facebook, his timeline cluttered with posts from the insane amount of people he’d added as friends over the past few weeks. His entire halls, for one, and then his entire class.

He’d probably never so much as see one of Paddy’s stupid animal memes again, which was good and bad, really.

Shoving his phone in the pocket of his hoodie, Aaron tugged on a pair of trainers, and grabbed his keys before heading for the stairs. Robert would be along soon enough, he assumed, the computer centre was only five minutes from his halls.

Not that he was overly excited to see him or anything.

The takeout was quiet when Aaron walked in, and it only took a few minutes for his order to be ready, and for him to be on his way back to halls.

“Good timing.”

Aaron looked up from his phone to see Robert sitting on the bench outside the entrance to his building, his bag slung across his chest, headphones in hand. “You must have smelled the food,” he joked, rooting for his keys.

Robert took the takeout bag from him, watching as Aaron unlocked the door. “You buy enough to find your entire floor?”

“I ordered hungry, bad mistake,” Aaron shrugged, letting Robert carry the bag of food up the two flights of stairs to his floor.

“S’alright, I’m starving anyway,” Robert said. “How did you manage to disconnect yourself from the wifi anyway?”

“If I knew that, I’d have fixed it.” Aaron pointed out. “‘M not exactly good with tech stuff. Wait here a second, I’ll grab some plates.”

Robert nodded, and Aaron ducked into the busy kitchen, rooting in the cupboard for two clean plates.

“Is the boyfriend over?” Scarlett asked, teasing. She was sitting at the kitchen table with Adam now, the two of them pouring over their laptops.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Since when was my life gossip fuel for you lot?”

“Since you started sleeping with that gorgeous blond,” Scarlett smirked. “Are we ever going to meet him?”

Adam grinned wickedly. “I bet ya he’s already half naked in Aaron’s bed.”

“Or he could be standing right here.”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Robert standing in the doorway, a smirk on his face. “Don’t fuel his ego anymore, Scarlett, he already thinks he’s Gods gift.”

“I’m Robert, by the way.” Robert offered. “Should probably introduce myself."

“Oh, we’ve  _heard_  a lot of you alright, Robert.” Scarlett teased. “Haven’t we, Adam?”

“Yeah, alright, shut your faces.” Aaron rolled his eyes, grabbing two forks. “I was going to offer you some Chinese, but I’m going to eat it all myself now.”

“Aw, Aaron, mate, don’t be like that!”

“Nope, I’m eating it all.” Aaron shoved at Robert, directing him back out the door, and away from his overly nosey friends. “They’re the worst.”

“They’re funny.” Robert said. “My housemates are as bad.”

“You never talk about them,” Aaron said, realising he’d never actually even heard Robert mention their names, let alone actually talk about them prope  
  
“It’s never really come up, has it?” Robert shrugged, pushing open Aaron’s bedroom door. “I’ve got three housemates, if you were curious. Live in a house over by the science building.”

Aaron nodded, setting the plates down on his desk, the smell of the takeout making his stomach rumble. Robert settled himself at the desk, opening up Aaron’s laptop.

“Whats your password?” he asked, shrugging off his jacket.

“It’s just password17.” Aaron grinned, dumping Robert’s chow mein out onto the plate, emptying out his own carton of curry.

“You’re asking for someone to hack your computer, Dingle,” Robert rolled his eyes, tapping at the keyboard. “How did you manage to forget the network?”

“Dunno,” Aaron shrugged, more interested in his food, tucking into the portion of spring rolls he’d ordered on the side.

(He’d been really, really hungry when he’d ordered.)

“You’re not brilliant with technology, are you?” Robert laughed, still furiously typing. “There, it’s sorted.”

“Your payment in full,” Aaron shoved the plate of food at Robert, who accepted it gratefully, shoving a generous forkful into his mouth before he spoke.

“You funny about people eating in your bed?”

“No, why?”

“Because I’m knackered and I want to sit somewhere slightly comfortable,” Robert toed off his shoes, settling himself down on Aaron’s bed, his back against the wall.

“Make yourself at home why don’t you?”

“It’s what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks, isn’t it?” Robert grinned. “Chuck us a can of coke, will you?”

Aaron tossed the can at Robert, settling down on his bed next to him, laptop in hand. “You fancy watching a movie?” he asked, already pulling up Netflix.

Robert nodded, a forkful of food halfway to his mouth. “We never finished watching that Ryan Gosling one we started last week.”

Aaron wrinkled his nose. “The one with the car? Where he doesn’t talk?”

“It’s a good film!” Robert protested, catching sight of something on screen. “There, Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s funny, you’ll like it.”

“I don’t trust your taste in movies.” Aaron said, but clicked play anyway. They ate in silence for a while, Aaron suddenly hyper aware of how close he was to Robert, how every part of their arms, their legs seemed to be touching.

“You’re not watching it.”

“I am.” Aaron bit back a grin. “You’ve got very strong feelings about superhero movies, haven’t ya?”

“Ssh. You’ll like it, and if you don’t, I’ll give you a great blowjob and make up for wasting your time.”

Aaron grinned. “Deal.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“My housemate is having a party, tomorrow night.”

Aaron looked at Robert, who was tugging on a borrowed t-shirt. He'd stayed the night after their Chinese feast, and while Aaron hadn’t gotten a blowjob out of it (the movie had been quite good), he  _had_  gotten a round of spectacular morning sex before Robert had to get up for his lecture, so he was happy.

Blissful and worn out, and definitely happy.

“Yeah?”

“You should come,” Robert continued, shoving his feet into his shoes, crouching down to do up the laces. It gave Aaron a great view of his arse, for the two minutes he was crouched over, so he happily admired it while the view lasted. “I’d like ya there.”

Aaron stretched out, head still resting on his pillow. He didn’t have anywhere to be, so why bother getting out of bed? “You just want sex on a tap.”

“Of course, we’re great at drunk sex,” Robert grinned, leaning down to kiss him properly, lips moving against Aaron’s in a way that had become so familiar over the past few weeks. “It’ll be fun, bring your mates.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll make sure there’s enough drink there for you.’ Robert rolled his eyes. “And I’ve got a better bed than you do, so if that hasn't convinced you, I really don’t know what will.”

“You’ve never complained about my bed before!” Aaron protested.

Robert sat down on the edge of the bed, giving a slight shrug. “It’s fine, but imagine what we could do with all the space of my great, big double bed.”

“Yeah, alright,” Aaron relented. “Text me your address.”

Robert nodded, leaning in to kiss him again. “I’ll text you later.”

Aaron watched as he left, burying his face into pillow. It smelled faintly of Robert, of his hair gel and the shower gel he always used - it was a scent Aaron had grown to love over the past few weeks, something familiar and comforting about it.

Shit.

Aaron had it  _bad_.

“Fuck.” Aaron groaned into his pillow. “Fuck, fuck,  _fuck_.”

This was not part of the plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mate! I’m buzzing for this party, you think it'll be a big crowd?” Adam asked as they walked along the street, Scarlett hanging off his arm.

Aaron shrugged. “Dunno.”

“You’re so secretive, Aaron,” Scarlett teased, already slightly unsteady in her high heels. They’d had a few drinks back at halls, at Adam’s insistence, his mate wanting to have a bit of liquid courage in him before the party.

(It’s not like Aaron disagreed. Liquid courage seemed like the only way of getting through his party without losing his mind entirely.)

“I honestly don’t know,” Aaron said, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He’d dressed up, a bit, wearing a shirt his mum had bought him for a family do, plain blue and rolled up at the sleeves, his least scruffy jeans on. “Robert’s got a few housemates, it’ll probably be mad busy.”

“Good,” Scarlett said decisively. “I feel like we’ve been quite boring lately.”

Aaron didn’t bother responding, checking the text Robert had sent him. “It’s this house,” he said, nodding toward the crumbling house in front of them. There was music blaring from the living room, people already scattered around the garden.

Swallowing his sudden nerves, Aaron headed straight for the door, knocking loudly. An unfamiliar face answered the door, all blonde hair and glitter, the girl wearing a bright yellow dress.

He didn’t need to turn around to know Adam’s jaw had hit the floor.

“Aaron, right?” she smiled brightly. “I haven’t Facebook stalked you, I  _swear_. Robert’s in the kitchen, head in. I’m Rebecca, by the way, but everyone calls me Bex.”

Aaron nodded. “Uh, this is Adam and Scarlett. Robert said it was alright to bring my mates.”

“The more the merrier, darling,” Rebecca said, clearly already a little drunk. She stood back so they could enter the house, the music even louder inside, people everywhere.

After living in halls for nearly two months, an actual university house party was an experience.

Aaron spotted Robert immediately, the blonde leaning against the kitchen counter, chatting to a couple of people. “Hiya,” he greeted, feeling instantly awkward as everyone turned to look at him.

“Aaron, you came,” Robert beamed, handing him a can. He was clearly a little drunk already, his face relaxed, “As promised, all the alcohol you can stomach. Everyone, this is Aaron - and Adam and Scarlett, right?”

“So you’re the fresher Robert’s been sleeping with,” A dark haired girl asked, leaning against Robert’s side. “He’s not your usual type, Rob.”

Aaron felt instantly uncomfortable. He didn’t like the attention he seemed to be getting, and he definitely didn’t like the inquisitive looks he was getting from Robert’s friends.

“You’re just annoyed that you’re not my type,” Robert rolled his eyes. “Ignore her. You find here alright?”

Aaron nodded, nervously tugging at the tab of his can. “By the science building, like you said.”

“Told you that you'd settle in,” Robert smiled, turning his attention back to his friends. “A tenner that Connor ends up getting kicked out of the nightclub tonight. Again.”

“Oi, Sugden, you seem to forget the reason I was kicked out last time!” a man - Connor, Aaron presumed - piped up. “I was trying to step in so you couldn’t get your face kicked in for trying it on with some scary bloke’s girlfriend.”

“My knight in shining armour,” Robert rolled his eyes. “What actually happened was you were hammered and started fighting with a bouncer.”

“We have this argument every single night we go out, Robert and Connor are absolute troublemakers,” the dark haired girl piped up again. “I’m Chrissie, by the way, one of Robert’s housemates.”

Aaron nodded at her. “Messy drunks then, eh?” he tried to join in with the conversation.

“Robert’s the messiest,” Chrissie smirked. “Though, you’ve been quite tame these past few weeks, haven't you Robert? He  _swore_  he was going to hook up with a different first year every night of freshers, only made it to about what - two, three?”

Robert was the one who looked uncomfortable now. “One,” he clarified. “You knew that was a joke, Chrissie.”

“What’s a joke is how sober you are, Aaron.” Connor said, offering him a bottle of whiskey. “You fussed about what you drink?”

“No.” Aaron said decisively, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that had settled in his stomach, accepting the bottle of whiskey from the other boy. “No, I’m not fussed.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron knew he was absolutely hammered. Like,  _worryingly_  hammered, seeing as he’d managed to lose track of Adam and Scarlett hours ago, and now he was sitting in Robert’s front garden by himself, a can in hand and a queasy feeling in his stomach.

He’d thought the cold air would help settle his head a bit, but all it was doing was making him feel drunker, making his head spin.

“Aaron? Are you alright?”

Aaron looked up through blurry eyes to see Rebecca standing over his shoulder, a concerned look on her face. “‘M fine.”

“I won’t lie, Aaron, you don’t exactly look fine,” Rebecca said, settling herself down in the grass next to him, carefully arranging her dress over her legs. She was the picture of elegance, really, all fancy clothes and bright smiles. “You know everyone was only taking the piss out of Robert earlier, right? It’s not like he’s trying to cop a feel of every fresher he comes across."

“I’m not fussed, he can sleep with who he wants,” Aaron shrugged.

“He’s quite taken with you, though,” Rebecca nudged. “I hardly see him these days, he’s always at yours.”

Aaron swallowed thickly, not wanting to spill his guts to a virtual stranger, not when he was clearly very low on Robert’s priority list. “I don’t care.”

“Okay,” Rebecca clearly knew she wasn’t going to be able to push it much further. “Will you come back inside though? It’s cold out, and I’d rather you not end up with hypothermia. Robert wouldn’t be too happy with me.”

Aaron struggled to his feet, a wave of nausea overcoming him. “I think I should probably go home,” he mumbled.

“You’re in no state to go anywhere, Aaron.” Rebecca looped an arm around his waist. “Let’s get you inside, and I’ll grab you a glass of water. Okay?”

Aaron couldn’t do much but nod, Bex already shoving him through the open front door. He took a second to be impressed with how strong the girl seemed to be - he wasn’t exactly skinny, and she was managing to haul him through the house easily enough.

She settled him down in a kitchen chair, Aaron wondering for a second when the kitchen had emptied out so much, when it had been the hub of the party an hour earlier. He watched as Rebecca filled a pint glass with water for him, sloshing some over the floor as she passed it to him, not unaffected by the amount she’d been drinking.

“Robert have a lot of exes, then?” Aaron asked, before taking a few gulps of the water.

“It’s university, everyone does.” Rebecca offered him a smile. “I wouldn’t take it personally. It’s his third year here, he’s bound to have a bit of a past.”

“Third year? But he’s in second year,” Aaron couldn’t hide his confusion.

“For the  _second_  time,” Rebecca said, taking a swig from a discarded bottle of whiskey. “You feel better?”

“Not really.” Aaron slumped in the chair slightly. “Is Chrissie an ex?”

“You could say that.” Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Chrissie is my older sister. She’s a masters student, and she’s insufferable, at the best of times.”

“And Robert’s ex?”

“They were together for a bit when he was in first year,” Rebecca confirmed. “It was never serious though, I wouldn’t be jealous.”

“‘M not,” Aaron shook his head. “Just curious.”

Suddenly, he felt his stomach turn, and he stood up abruptly. “I don’t feel very well,” he admitted.

“Oops, this way.” Rebecca grabbed him by the waist, directing him to the backdoor. “It’s much easier to clean up if you just get sick on the grass,” she said by way of explanation, Aaron doubling over as the fresh air hit him.

He could usually handle his drink.

But then again, he wasn’t sure how much he’d actually drank since he’d gotten to the house party. The queasy feeling overcame him again, and this time Aaron was sick, puking his guts up across the damp grass.

It did make him feel better, a little bit, at least.

“Bex? What’s wrong with him?” Aaron could hear Robert’s concerned voice in the background.

“I think he’s had a bit too much to drink.”

“‘M fine,” Aaron waved a hand over his shoulder, pausing to be sick again. “Just a bad can.”

Robert snorted. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Aaron could feel Robert’s hands on his back, trying to pull him upright. “No, I feel better if I stay this way.”

“You’ll feel even better if you lie down.” Robert said, managing to make him stand upright, supportive hands on Aaron’s waist. He looked genuinely concerned, his eyes wide as he took in Aaron’s appearance.

Aaron looked at him, forlorn. “Have I made a tit of myself?” he asked, wincing slightly at how pitiful he sounded.

“A little bit, but it’s all part of the experience,” Robert laughed, giving his waist a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s get you to bed, eh? You could do with it.”

Aaron nodded, and let Robert guide him back into the house, toward the stairs. He kept his head down as they passed Robert’s housemates, Chrissie voicing her concern as they passed.

“He’s fine,” Robert shook his head. “I’m going to stay with him, go to town without me.”

“But Robert, we’ve had this planned for ages!”

“So? I’m staying here with Aaron.”

Aaron couldn't wipe the grin from his face as Robert guided him up the stairs, and toward one of the rooms on the landing. “I promise, I won’t be sick in your bed,” he said, sincere.

Robert looked at him, his blond hair slightly askew as he opened his bedroom door. “Thanks, I’d appreciate it if you weren’t.”

“You can go to town,” Aaron mumbled, grateful as Robert forced him to lie down on his bed, the covers soft under his hands. “‘M fine. I’ll just walk home.”

Robert laughed, tugging at Aaron’s sneakers, tossing them over his shoulder. “I  _want_  to stay here with you.”

“‘M not very good company.”

“You’re always good company, Dingle.”

Aaron watched as Robert unbuttoned his jeans for him, tugging them down his legs.  He knew he could probably try and be a little more helpful, but he was rather enjoying Robert taking care of him. It was  _nice_. “Am I?”

“Yeah, it’s why I hang out with you all the time,” Robert said, pulling back the duvet. “Come on, under the covers.”

“”M not a baby,” Aaron grumbled, rolling over so he was lying on the sheet, rather than on top of the duvet.

“I know.” Robert laughed, easing off his own shoes. “Can’t I just want to take care of you?”

“Why would you?” Aaron questioned, letting Robert pull the duvet up around him. He could feel himself drifting slightly as he settled into Robert’s bedclothes, the alcohol in his system winning over the part of his brain that wanted to stay awake now he was in an actual bed, the comfort of the sheets and blankets lulling him to sleep.

“I like ya,” Robert shrugged, getting into bed beside him, pulling Aaron close to his chest, digging his chin into Aaron’s shoulder. “Did what Chrissie said earlier get to you?”

“Why would it?” Aaron feigned ignorance, pretending as though he didn’t care.

(He cared, of course he cared.)

“Because she can be a pain.”

Aaron shook his head. “Bex sorted it,” he mumbled tiredly, knotting his fingers in the material of Robert’s shirt, burrowing further into Robert’s chest.

It was nice, it was soft.

“I don’t want you to think you’re just a fresher on a list or something to me.” Robert said softly. His mouth was close enough that Aaron could smell the whiskey on his breath, the smell turning his stomach slightly.

“What am I to you?”

If Aaron was even remotely sober, he wouldn’t have asked.

“I don’t know.” Robert admitted. “But you’re different.”

“Good different?” Aaron asked, his face pressed into the crook of Robert’s neck. He had told Robert so many times that cuddling was pointless (not that Robert ever listened) but there and then, he was glad of Robert’s arms wrapped tightly around him.

Robert nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, his grip on Aaron tightening. “I hope so.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron had thought he’d had hangovers before, but it felt as though he’d been hit by a freight train when he woke up, his stomach churning as soon as he tried to sit up. “Fuck,” he couldn’t help but mutter as he stood up, swaying slightly on his feet.

He had no idea where the bathroom was.

Pushing open the door of Robert’s bedroom, Aaron stumbled into the hallway, spotting an open doorway at the end of the hall. He’d barely made it to the bathroom before he puked his guts up, retching into the toilet bowl.

He’d never felt so sick in his entire life.

Aaron stayed sitting on the cold tile floor for a few minutes until it felt like his stomach had settled again, braving the journey back to Robert’s bed. He wasn’t sure where Robert was gone, and he didn’t really want to face him.

What had his drunk self even said to him last night?

Aaron grabbed the bottle of water sitting on Robert’s bedside locker, gulping it down quickly as he searched the room for his clothes, hazy memories of Robert having to put him to bed the previous night coming back to him as he woke up more.

He tugged his jeans on, shoving his feet into his shoes, grateful he had managed to avoid puking all over himself the previous night. At least this way, he could sneak out of the house and just look like he was doing the walk of shame back to halls.

Conscious that the rest of the house was probably still asleep, Aaron tiptoed down the stairs, stopping halfway down when he heard Robert’s voice.

“Thanks for looking out for him last night, Bex.”

“It’s alright,” Rebecca replied, her voice more hoarse than Aaron remembered. “Chrissie can be a right cow when she wants to be, I don’t blame him for being upset about what she said.”

“Do you think he was upset?”

“It’s not as though he admitted it, but wouldn’t you be, if someone told you that you were fresher four out of five on a list?”

Robert audibly sighed. “He’s the only person I’ve been with since we came back this semester.”

“ _I_  know that, and  _you_  know that - but have you actually said it to Aaron? Because I imagine a bit of honesty would help matters.”

“I don’t want to scare him off - what if he’s not as invested in this as I think he is?”

“Robert, he’s a good looking first year who could have spent the past two months working his way through every single lad in this university. I think it’s safe to say he’s invested in whatever the two of you have got going on,” Rebecca replied. “Talk to him. People are more honest when they’re hungover.”

“That’s just you, Bex.”

Aaron decided he needed to make his presence known, so he climbed the last few steps, walking into the kitchen. “Morning,” he greeted, feeling slightly awkward. He’d been an absolute mess the previous night, Rebecca stepping in to mind him, despite the two of them being total strangers.

“At least you look as bad as I feel, Aaron,” Rebecca grinned.

“Sorry, for being such a tit last night.” Aaron said. “I really appreciate ya making sure I didn’t puke on myself.”

Rebecca smiled kindly, hugging her cup of tea close to her chest. “Everyone has those nights. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and wallow in self pity for the rest of the day.”

Aaron looked at Robert for the first time, taking in his casual appearance. He was wearing a pair of joggers slung low on his hips, a plain white t-shirt making his eyes seem an even brighter shade of blue.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to turn up at your house and get that piss drunk you needed to put me to bed.”

“It’s alright, Aaron,” Robert shook his head.

“It’s not though, is it? I made such an arse of myself, in front of all your friends too.” Aaron folded his arms across his body, hugging himself tightly. “I don’t know what was wrong with me.”

“Is it what Chrissie said?”

Aaron looked at him, feeling uncomfortable. “I didn’t love hearing that I was part of a plan to sleep with as many freshers you could get your hands on, I s’pose.”

Robert sighed. “I made a stupid bet, with Chrissie, over the summer. Whoever managed to get the most first years into bed this freshers week won. It was awful, it was stupid, I know. But I met you on the first day and I didn’t want anyone else.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really,” Robert confirmed. “I didn’t help you out of the goodness of my heart, I’ll be honest.”

Aaron bit down on his lip. “I might have disconnected my laptop from the wifi a few times so you’d call around more often,” he admitted, laughing at himself. “Bit sad, that, innit?”

“I kind of figured it out.” Robert laughed. “You’re not  _that_  much of a technophobe.”

They stood in silence for a few minutes.

“I don’t want to push you, you’ve only just started university and the last thing you need is to be jumping into a relationship,” Robert offered. “But I’d like to see where this could go, if you’re up for it.”

Aaron couldn’t quite believe he was having this conversation with Robert. “Let’s just, keep it simple, see how things go?” he said, feeling unsure of himself. He wasn’t good at relationships, and he wasn’t willing to risk the friendship he’d built with Robert just yet.

“That sounds good.” Robert smiled, this secretive, soft smile that took Aaron aback a bit. “How are you feeling?”

“Like death.” Aaron admitted. “I could do with a shower.”

“I’ll show you where everything is,” Robert said. “I could make us some food while you have a shower? Bacon butty and some tea, best hangover cure there is?”

Aaron nodded. “Sounds good. Do you not want me to go, though?”

“No. Why would I want you to go? I stay at yours all the time.” Robert shook his head. “I’ll get you a towel and some pyjamas.”

“I - uh, thanks Robert.” Aaron said quietly. “For last night.”

“I’m surprised you remember any of it.”

Aaron had a distinct memory of Robert holding him close, and telling him that he hoped whatever they had was good different.

“I remember the important bits.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“I’m in the middle of an assignment, I need our wifi to finish it because it’s faster - call around to mine, though. We can order pizza or something.”_

“What, and watch you do an assignment?” Aaron pulled a face.

“ _It’s not like you haven’t got loads to do!”_ Robert replied.  _“Come on, call over. I haven’t seen you all week.”_

Aaron smirked. “You miss me that much?"

_“Don’t get a big head. You calling over or what?”_

“Yeah, I’m just out of a lecture, I’ll be over in like ten minutes.”

 _“I’ll make sure Chrissie doesn’t answer the door,”_  Robert joked.

“Haha,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “You know I haven’t got a problem with her, yeah?”

_“I know, I just enjoy winding you up. See you in a bit.”_

“See you.” Aaron hung up, nearly jumping out of his skin as Adam walked up behind him, talking excitedly. “Jesus, mate, give me a heart attack won’t you?”

Adam snorted. “It’s not my fault that you were too engrossed in your boyfriend to listen to me.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Aaron said automatically.

“He’s pretty much your boyfriend,” Adam rolled his eyes. “You fancy the cinema with me and Scarlett later? There’s nothing happening on campus so we figured we might as well head into town.”

Aaron shook his head. “I’m going to go over to Robert’s.”

“You two are okay then? After the other night?”

“Yeah, we are,” Aaron nodded. “Said we’d keep it simple, see what happens.”

“At least you puking all over his garden didn’t make him like you any less.” Adam smirked. “Text me if you’re coming home, eh?”

“Probably won’t be,” Aaron admitted, heading off in the opposite direction to Adam. He was kind of surprised at how quickly the semester was going, only a few weeks left before the Christmas exams.

After his disaster of a first day, Aaron had been convinced that university was going to absolutely  _drag_ , but here he was, nearly one semester down already.

He wasn’t going to admit it was largely to do with how much fun he was having with Robert.

Robert’s house wasn’t far from campus, only a few minutes walk really. He was there before he knew it, knocking loudly on the front door.

Funny, the house looked completely different in the early evening, without the previous weeks accessory of drunken students.

“Aaron!” Rebecca greeted with a smile. “No queasy stomach today, I hope?”

Aaron reddened. “Not today.”

“I’m only messing with you.” Rebecca ushered him in. “Robert’s upstairs.”

“Thanks,” Aaron smiled at her, heading for the stairs. Robert’s door was slightly ajar, and he took it as his invitation to just come in, Robert hunched over his desk, headphones on.

He couldn’t help but take a second to admire the other man. Robert was gorgeous, even when he was just sitting at his desk, all messy blonde hair and lanky limbs, his legs spread out in front of him.

Aaron couldn’t help but feel at least a little bit lucky that he was the one Robert was sleeping with, keeping it simple with.

_Whatever that meant._

Aaron tapped him on the shoulder, his insides melting as Robert’s look of concentration turned into a bright smile. “Hiya,” he greeted, dumping his backpack on the floor.

Robert slid his headphones off, standing up so he could pull Aaron in by the waist. “Hiya,” he replied, brushing his lips against Aaron’s. “How was your day?”

“Boring.” Aaron admitted, settling himself on the edge of Robert’s bed. “I was stuck in lectures and tutorials all day, they’re piling on the work now.”

“The joys of Christmas exams,” Robert sighed, glancing at his laptop. “This project is worth forty percent of my final mark for this module, it’s doing my head in.”

“I can go, if you need to concentrate.”

“Nah,” Robert grinned at him. “I’d rather you were here. I’m nearly done, anyway - give me a half an hour and then I’m all yours.”

“As long as I get that pizza you promised,” Aaron shrugged, kicking off his sneakers so he could lie back on Robert’s bed, pulling his own laptop out of his bag. He had a lot of reading to do for his marketing class, so he might as well get started on it.

He was halfway through an article when he felt himself start to drift off, and he managed another page before he gave in to his tired eyes, waking with a shock when he felt someone straddle his hips.

“I was about to get offended that I was boring you,” Robert was sitting across his thighs, having already moved Aaron’s laptop.

“You were.” Aaron grinned.

“Oh, that’s how you’re going to play this then? Cheeky git,” Robert shift his weight so he was sitting directly on Aaron’s crotch, clearly enjoying the control he had over Aaron there and then.

“Why, you going to do something about it?” Aaron tilted his head slightly, looking at Robert expectantly.

“Maybe I will,” Robert ducked his head, kissing Aaron languidly, pushing his hands up over his head, keeping their fingers tightly intertwined above Aaron’s head. 

Aaron was sort of astounded that being with Robert still made him feel the way it did. They’d been sleeping together for months now, and it was still as exciting, as exhilarating as it had been that first night, the two of them drunk and desperate for each other.

He’d had a boyfriend for a while, back in sixth form. Ed had been nice, and kind, but Aaron had gotten bored of their relationship fairly quickly, the two of them ending things on friendly enough terms.

But Robert was  _exciting_.

It was  _still_  exciting to be with him, even after all these weeks.

“Robert, have you got - whoops, sorry!”

Aaron barely held back a groan as Robert’s bedroom door burst open, Connor standing in the doorway.

“The door was closed for a reason.” Robert said snappily, rolling off Aaron. “What do you want?”

“Your laptop charger if you weren’t using it, mine’s gone bust.”

“I’m using it, go away.”

“Alright grumpy, I’ll let the two of yous get on with it,” Connor winked, shutting the door again.

“I hate them,” Robert said decisively. “I do, I hate them all.”

Aaron laughed. “Yeah, they don’t really get the whole boundaries thing, do they? I mean they heard me come in.”

“They’re the most annoying people I know,” Robert leaned over, dropping a kiss to Aaron’s shoulder. “You fancy ordering that pizza? I’m starving.”

Aaron nodded. “Pepperoni, and if you order pineapple on it I’ll never have sex with you again.”

“I’m not a savage. You want chicken wings as well?” Robert asked, scrolling through his phone. “Theres a deal for two large pizzas, chicken wings,  _and_  dough balls here.”

“You trying to fatten me up?”

“Of course,” Robert nodded. “You staying here tonight?”

Aaron shrugged, settling back against Robert’s pillows. “If you want me to.”

Robert smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth. “I always want you to.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“‘M so full,” Robert groaned helplessly, face down on his bed. “I can’t breathe.”

“Told you that you shouldn’t have had eaten that last slice of pizza,” Aaron snorted, curled up next to Robert, wearing a pair of borrowed pyjama bottoms, the ends rolled up a few times, their usually barely noticeable height difference more apparent now.

“At least I’ll die happy,” Robert muttered, turning his face so he was looking at Aaron properly. “You alright?”

Aaron nodded. “‘M good.”

“I meant what I said earlier.” Robert nudged. “I always want you here.”

“You’re a sex pest.”

“This isn’t just about sex, Aaron. You know that, right?”

Aaron tried to ignore the way his heart literally skipped a fucking beat. “It’s about more than sex for me, too.” he admitted, heat rising in his cheeks.

Robert smiled, shifting forward so he could kiss Aaron softly, cupping his chin in his hand. Aaron eagerly responded, knotting his fingers in the hair at the back of Robert’s neck, revelling in the feeling of simply kissing Robert.

They lay there, just kissing, for what felt like ages before they broke apart, legs tangled together, Aaron half lying on top of Robert. “I am still so full,” Robert admitted, his breath ghosting against Aaron’s lips.

“Me too,” Aaron admitted. “If I move, I might puke.”

“Let’s just stay here then.”

“Okay.” Aaron breathed softly, happy he had an excuse to not move off Robert. “Let’s just stay here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Alright then Dingle, you’re a free man. Exams are done, and we’ve got one more night in Manchester before you abandon me for Christmas,” Robert grinned, slinging an arm around Aaron’s shoulders. “Whats the plan?”

“Get absolutely pissed drunk,” Aaron said decisively, looping an arm around Robert’s waist. “I think our floor wants to go to Secret Garden. I know it mightn’t be your scene, but…”

“It’s my scene, it’s got alcohol, right?” Robert grinned.

“Right. Are you heading home for Christmas?”

Robert jerked his head. “I’ll head home for a few days, but my family does my head in at the best of times, I’ll probably end up back here before the semester starts.”

“A whole month off,” Aaron murmured, thinking off those blissful four weeks he wouldn’t have to be at university, wouldn’t have to

“Looking forward to it?”

Aaron nodded. “It’ll be good to see my little sister again,” he admitted, rooting in his pocket for his keys.

“Did I leave clothes at yours last time we went out?” Robert asked, clearly thinking.

“Yeah, stole hangers off me and everything, as if my wardrobe isn’t small enough.” Aaron replied, unlocking the door to his building, Robert still hanging off him.

“You wear the same thing every single day, don’t be a prick.” Robert kissed him eagerly before pushing Aaron toward the stairs. “How long do we have before your friends start forcing us to down cans in the living room?”

“About an hour, I reckon.”

Robert smirked. “No foreplay then.”

Aaron let himself be dragged down the corridor, toward his room. “You’re such an old romantic, Robert.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was good to be home, Aaron decided. His mum might be an absolute nag, at the best of times, but it was nice to be home, to proper cooking and a better bed than the one he had in halls, and it was good to see Liv again, his terror of a little sister causing absolute havoc every time she called around now she was on her school holidays too.

Paddy had been great, as always. His former step-dad was possibly the kindest man he knew, always eager to hang out with Aaron, happy to line his pockets with money for an odd few hours help at his veterinary practise.

He did miss university though. Aaron had gotten used to spending all his time with Adam and Scarlett, and he missed being around them every morning, not that he’d admit it to either of them.

And he missed Robert.

 _God_ , did he miss Robert.

He could only assume Robert missed him too, judging by the endless stream of texts he was getting from the blonde, about his family, about how he was already ready to murder his brother and he’d only been home a week.

**from: robert**

_Whats your plan for NYE?_

**to: robert**

_Mates from school asked me out for pints,_  Aaron replied.  _Don’t want to go though._

**from: robert**

_We could hang out._

**to: robert**

_Yeah?_

Aaron’s phone flashed to life, Robert’s number coming on screen. “You too lazy to text now?” he joked.

_“Too much effort. I’ve got a car - I could drive and meet you,” Robert said. “I’m not exactly far away.”_

Aaron lay back on his bed. “Mum’s gone to a party, tonight. For New Years. She thinks I’m going out with my mates.

_“So you’ve got the house to yourself?”_

“Yeah,” Aaron confirmed. “I could run to the off-license and get some drink in, if you fancy it.”

 _“I fancy_ ** _you_** _.”_  Robert grinned.  _“I can be at yours in like an hour, hour and bit. Vic’ll kill me for skipping out on the family party, but if I have to watch my idiot brother make gooey eyes at his fiancé all night, I’ll snap.”_

Aaron laughed. “I’m just the less terrible option then?”

 _“You’re my favourite option.”_ Robert replied.  _“Go on, go and get us some drinks in, I’ll sneak away.”_

“Aren’t you 21? Why would you sneak away?”

_“My little sister is determined we’re going to have a nice family Christmas this year, I don’t have the heart to tell her to her face that I’d rather spend time with my boyfriend than the entire extended Sugden clan.”_

“I’m your boyfriend, am I?”

_“Shut up. I’ll text you when I’m near Leeds, send on your address.”_

“See you in a while.”

Aaron couldn’t wipe the grin from his face as he hung up.

Boyfriend.

They’d not exactly defined their relationship as anything, but he couldn’t lie and pretend like it wasn’t good to hear Robert call him his boyfriend.

 _God_ , when did he turn into such a sappy teenage girl? Aaron shook his head, searching the room for his wallet.

He didn't want to be anyone’s boyfriend.

Right?

 _Right_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Alright then, Dingle.” Robert was drunk, slurring his words slightly. “What’s your new years resolution?”

Aaron shook his head, swigging whiskey straight from the bottle. They were sitting on Aaron’s bedroom floor, working their way through the bottle of whiskey Robert had brought, the two of them having had already polished off the can’s Aaron bought. “Don’t have one, they’re pointless.”

“I won’t argue with that, but humour me,” Robert nudged. He was wearing that maroon jumper of his that Aaron loved so much, the one he’d seen Robert wear dozens of times, the last few weeks, but somehow, it felt different, seeing Robert wear it here, in Aaron’s room.

Having Robert here, in the place he’d grown up, his  _home_ , it was making everything feel more serious.

“Be happy,” Aaron said after a second’s thought. “I want to be happy.”

“You aren’t?” Robert looked confused, worried even, the bottle of whiskey held halfway to his mouth. 

“I am,” Aaron looked at the floor. “I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been, actually.”

“Me too.”

“Really?”

Robert nodded. “You make me happy. I should probably tell you that more often, shouldn’t I? You make me happy, Aaron.”

“You make me happy,” Aaron echoed, finally admitting it aloud. It felt almost freeing, to just say it, say he wanted to be with Robert, admit the other man just made him  _happy_.

“Are we - are we in a relationship and just pretending like we’re not, do you think?” Robert asked, hiccuping slightly as he took a swig of the whiskey, grimacing as the bitter liquid burned his throat. “Bex says we are.”  
  
“Adam says we are,” Aaron shrugged, thinking of all the conversations he’d had with his best mate about Robert, about how the two of them were clearly in denial. “Do you want to be?”

“I always fuck up my relationships.”

“I get bored of mine.” Aaron offered, taking the whiskey from Robert, and taking a generous slug.

Robert took the bottle of whiskey from him, slugging it back. “Maybe we can do better this time.”

“I’m game if you are.”

Robert grinned widely. “Alright then,  _boyfriend_. How should we ring in the New Year?”

Aaron took the bottle from him, setting it aside so he could tackle him to the floor without making a mess. “Oh, I’ve got a few ideas.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

(Starting the new year having sex on the floor of your bedroom with your  _boyfriend_  wasn’t exactly a bad way to kick off the year, and it definitely wasn’t a bad way to spend the first few hours of it, either.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this started as a ficlet, and has turned into such a monster of a fic, its going to have to be a multichapter. i've got it planned out (to the last line) but it's not all completely written yet. i'm aiming for biweekly updates (as i start my masters this week!) but if i can be any speedier, i will be.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!


	2. first year: ii

Aaron couldn’t help the soppy smile that appeared on his face as he looked at his phone, the ridiculous photo of Robert he had as his contact picture beaming up at him. Aaron had taken it one evening out in Manchester, Robert holding a giant bucket of popcorn to his chest, grinning into the camera like a little kid.

Aaron didn’t even remember what movie they’d gone to see, if he was honest. He just remembered what it was like to sit in the back row, and exchange salty, popcorn flavoured kisses and be in their own little bubble of  _AaronandRobert_.

(How they’d ever pretended as though they weren’t in a relationship was beyond Aaron, now he let himself think about it.)

“Miss me already?”

 _“You never told me it was your birthday this week.”_ Robert said.  _“I had to get a Facebook notification this morning telling me it was my boyfriends birthday, I’m very offended.”_

“You never asked,” Aaron replied, curling onto his side. Robert had managed to leave his on New Years Day before his mum had made her grand return, and Aaron had been grateful that they’d escaped the awkward introductions.

He loved his mum, he really did, but Chas was bound to be all kinds of embarrassing when faced with a new boyfriend of his.

Especially when he hadn’t  _actually_  told her he was seeing anyone.

 _“Well, happy birthday,”_  Robert said.  _“Have you got any plans today?”_

“Mum’s doing a family dinner.” Aaron said. “Why?”

_“Because I want to take you out. I’m on my way to Leeds already, so up and at ‘em.”_

“What if I had been doing something?”

_“I know you’d prefer to hang out with me.”_

Aaron rolled his eyes, swinging his legs out of bed. “Anyone ever tell you you’ve got a big ego?”

 _“All the time!”_  Robert responded brightly. _“I’m serious by the way, I’ve just passed through Hotten. You’ve got about a half hour to get yourself sorted and then we’re going for lunch.”_

“Yeah, alright.” they said their goodbyes, and realisation dawned on Aaron. There was no way his mum was going to let him go anyway on his birthday without a good explanation, which meant introducing Robert to her.

That could go one of two ways, really.

Aaron grabbed a discarded towel from his bedroom floor, padding down the hallway to the bathroom. A quick shower and ten minutes later, he was dressed in a new jumper Liv had gotten him for Christmas, making his way downstairs.

“Happy birthday!” Chas beamed, smacking a kiss against his cheek. “My baby, twenty years old. I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, alright mum,” Aaron squirmed out of her grasp, reaching around his mum to put the kettle on. He was gagging for a cup of tea and something to eat, despite the promise of lunch.

“Happy birthday mate,” Paddy greeted, grin a mile wide, as always. “What are you getting up to today?”

This was his chance, he supposed.

“I, uh,” Aaron glanced between them, his mum and the man who’d been a father to him for years, long after him and Chas had called it quits on their disaster of a marriage. “I wanted to talk to you both about that, actually.”

“Sounds serious.” Chas looked immediately concerned.

“No, it’s - I’m seeing someone,” Aaron blurted out, closing his eyes. “I’ve been seeing him for a while now actually.’

“Aaron Dingle! Are you telling me you’ve got a boyfriend and you haven’t so much as mentioned him yet?” Chas sounded incredulous. “Honestly, Paddy, where did we go wrong?”

“Mum, don’t be ridiculous,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “It’s sort of a  _new_  thing.”

“How new?”

September didn’t sound very new.

“We’ve been seeing each other on and off since the start of the year,” Aaron offered, figuring he could embellish a little. That sounded better than telling your mum you basically shagged your way into a relationship, didn’t it? “Only made it official or whatever a few weeks ago.”

“I’m delighted for you, Aaron,” Paddy offered, smile genune. “What’s his name?”

“Robert.” Aaron couldn’t hide the smile on his face.

“Is he in your course?” Chas asked, elbows on the table and a curious look on her face as she spoke.

Aaron shook his head. “Second year, computer science or summat.”

“So do we get to meet him?”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Not if you’re going to be weird about it, I’d rather you didn’t scare him off, thanks.”

“ _Aaron_!”

“He’s on his way here now,” Aaron admitted. “He wants to take me for lunch, for my birthday.”

Chas couldn’t hide her excitement. “Does he live close by then? What’s he like? Is it serious?”

“Ugh, mum, stop.” Aaron groaned, chewing his toast, her onslaught of questions too much for that hour of the morning. Or ever, really. “You’re doing my head in!”

“I’m just excited, love,” Chas pinched his cheeks. “You haven’t had a boyfriend since Ed, it’s good to see you with someone.”

“You haven’t met him yet!” Aaron rolled his eyes, checking his phone, realising Robert must be close now.

Robert  _had_  text him, wondering if it was the house with the blue door.

“Don’t you dare embarrass me,” Aaron warned, scraping back his chair and heading for the front door, looking for Robert. He spotted a bright red Ford Focus parked one house up from them, and he gave a wave, hoping Robert would see him.

A few seconds later, Robert was making his way up their garden path and Aaron felt like he was about to go into heart failure. “I’m sorry about my mum,” he greeted, rocking on his heels as Robert closed the gap between them, pressing a kiss against his lips.

“I haven’t even met her yet,” Robert looked slightly confused. He looked stupidly good today, wearing a leather jacket over a deep maroon coloured jumper, the colour suiting his fair features.

How was he always so bloody put together and good looking? It was like going out with a Gap model.

“Yeah, but I know she’ll do something embarrassing, she’s my mum,” Aaron kissed him again, properly this time, wanting to completely indulge himself in the feeling of kissing Robert before

“Happy birthday,” Robert murmured softly. “I got you a present.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” Robert held up a neatly wrapped present, the wrapping bright blue. “You don’t have to open it now, if you don’t want.”

“I’ll introduce you to my mam and Paddy first, then we can make our escape,” Aaron grinned, sitting the present down on the stairs. He couldn’t ignore the nerves that had settled in the pit of his stomach -  _why_  did he care so much about what his mum and Paddy though?

He knew why, of course he knew why. Aaron cared about what they thought because he wanted Robert as a long term fixture in his life, whether he’d said it out loud or not.

His parents opinion of him  _mattered_.

“Mum? Paddy? This is Robert,” Aaron introduced, Robert standing beside him. “Robert, my mum and Paddy.”

“Excuse us for not being a little more prepared, Aaron only told us you existed this morning, - oh, about ten minutes ago, wasn’t it Paddy?” Chas said, glaring at her son. “Cup of tea?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow at Paddy’s stern expression. “I think Paddy’s about to try and do the scary parent routine,” he commented, his gaze flickering to the dog patterned socks Paddy was wearing. “Don’t take him seriously.”

Robert laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, Paddy.” he offered Paddy a hand, which Paddy shook enthusiastically.

“Aaron said you do computer science?” Paddy asked, Robert murmuring a thank you as Chas passed him a cup of tea.

Robert nodded. “As far from the family business as I could get, really.” he grinned, feeling the need to explain at Chas and Paddy’s confused looks. “My family owns a farm.”

“Well, we’ve done the awkward introductions, so we’re going to go now.” Aaron decided for them both, tugging on Robert’s sleeve.

“Will you be staying for the party tonight, Robert?” Chas asked, Aaron’s face falling.

Robert grinned, the smug bastard all too delighted to agree without a seconds hesitation. “I’d love to.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was absolutely  _dreading_  the party, especially now Robert had agreed to come. He didn’t want to have the stupid party in the first place, and the fact his entire absolutely  _mental_  family was going to meet his boyfriend, well - it was only going to end in disaster.

“You going to open your present then?” Robert asked from where he was lying across Aaron’s bed, leather jacket discarded. He’d kicked off his shoes too, determined to make himself at home.

Aaron picked up the neatly wrapped gift from where he’d deposited it on his desk, sitting down next to him. “You really didn’t have to get me anything you know,” he said, picking at the sellotape.

Robert sat up, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s shoulder, chin digging into the crook of Aaron’s neck. “It’s nothing big, I just wanted to get you something.”

Aaron nodded, ripping into the garish wrapping paper. There was a soft black hoodie inside, the material feeling expensive under his fingertips.

“You always moan about how the black hoodie you have isn’t warm anymore,” Robert said. “I thought you might like this one.”

Aaron unfolded the jumper, admiring the material. It was a step up from the ratty black hoodie he always wore, an old thing from Primark that he refused to throw out on the basis that it was comfy, and the holes in the sleeves weren't  _that_  bad, really. “Thank you.”

Robert rested his chin on Aaron’s shoulder, looking at him expectantly. Aaron smiled, and leaned in to kiss him softly. “Thanks for coming up today, I don’t usually enjoy my birthday.”

“Well, we’ll have to change that, won’t we?” Robert grinned, wrapping his arms around Aaron's waist, bunching up Aaron’s jumper so he could press his cold hands against Aaron’s stomach, mouthing at his neck.

“My mum’s downstairs,” Aaron pointed out, breath hitching in his throat as Robert blew a warm breath across the back of his neck, goosebumps rising on every inch of his body.

He could never not react, not when Robert was touching him like this.

“And we’re upstairs,” Robert countered, sinking his teeth into Aaron’s collarbone. Aaron couldn’t hold in his moan, biting down on his lip to try and keep quiet, pliant and helpless under Robert’s hands.

“Robert, half my family is going to arrive through that door in a second.”

“And?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Keep it in your pants, Sugden.”

“I want you though.”

“You always want me, that’s nothing new,” Aaron elbowed him, grinning as Robert huffed out a surprised breath, the sharp elbow to the stomach doing nothing to actually move his handsy boyfriend away from him.

“Mm, it’s your fault for being so bloody good looking.”

Aaron looked at Robert, his eyes blown wide with lust and that ‘I want you’ expression on his face, the one that always made Aaron’s stomach flip. He wasn’t used to feeling so  _wanted_ , not by anyone.

It felt good.

Aaron grinned, relenting. “Alright then, you can put your blowjob skills to the test. You’ve got ten minutes.”

“I won’t need that long,” Robert smirked, pulling Aaron backwards onto the bed, straddling his hips. “This is part of your birthday present too, you know.”

“I’m way too drunk to drive home.” Robert snorted, the two of them sitting on the stairs. They’d snuck away from the Dingle do that was in full force downstairs, people spilling out of the kitchen and into the garden, despite the chilly January temperatures.

It’d go on all night, if his lot had any choice in the matter.

“Just stay here then.” Aaron bumped their shoulders together, beer in hand.

“Will your mum mind?”

“I don’t care,” Aaron said. “It’s my birthday and I want you here.”

Robert smiled, ducking his head so he could kiss Aaron, sliding their lips together, one hand cupping the back of Aaron’s head. It always made Aaron’s stomach twist, when Robert did that, the other mans hand practically covering the entire back of his head, keeping him close, making him feel  _safe_. “Your family isn’t so bad, you know.”

“They’re insane,” Aaron said decisively. He’d grown up a Dingle, thank you very much, and he knew just how bad his family could get. They’d been tame enough so far, Lisa keeping most of them under wraps. “Thanks for putting up with them.”

“You’ve not met my family yet, they’re as bad - but we don’t do fun insane, we do snarky comments and passive aggressive arguments,” Robert pulled a face. “Dinner usually ends in a fist fight, in my house - or two weeks of silent treatment where none of us talk to each other.”

“Do you think its weird? That we’re doing the whole meet the family thing?”

Robert raised an eyebrow. “Why would it be weird?”

“I don’t know, it’s not where I saw us ending up with I got into bed with ya,” Aaron admitted, glancing at Robert. He wasn’t exactly good at the deep and meaningful conversations, but it felt like something he needed to say.

“Me neither,” Robert admitted. “You regretting it?”

“No,” Aaron shook his head, confident in his words. “I don’t regret anything about us.”

Robert looked at him, a genuine smile plastered across his face. “You don’t realise what you say sometimes, do you?”

“Dunno what you mean.”

“You’re a right soft lad.” Robert nudged, knotting a hand in the hair at the back of Aaron’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss. “I don’t regret anything about us either, you know.”

“Even the bit where you had to make awkward conversation with my uncle Zak about pigs?”

“Hey, I’ll have you know, I’m an  _expert_  on all things animal related. Proper farm boy, me.”

Aaron snorted. “That’s why you’re doing computer science, yeah? And mate, those shoes are not suited for a farm.”

Robert looked down at the trendy shoes he was wearing, a grin on his face. “I had to dress up to do the whole meet the family thing, didn’t I? Not of all us can wear tracksuits and trainers all the time.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Clearly the tracksuits do it for you.”

“ _You_  do it for me.”

Aaron scowled, pretending as though Robert’s comment didn’t have him blushing like mad. “Yeah, alright, go get us another drink.”

“You want me to face the Dingles on my own?”

“Yup,” Aaron grinned, nudging at Robert’s knee. “I don’t want to move, and I want another beer, so you’re going to be a good boyfriend and get one for me.”

“Oh, am I now?” Robert was already standing up, taking Aaron’s empty beer bottle from him as he made his way down the stairs.

Aaron watched as he went, admiring the long lines of his body, the way the maroon jumper he was wearing was tight around his shoulders, showing off his toned form. “Don’t worry, I’ll give ya a nice reward.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was easy, being in a relationship with Robert. To be entirely fair, it wasn’t as though much had changed, they’d just decided to put a label on what they were, but it still counted, Aaron supposed.

He had a  _boyfriend_.

A boyfriend who was currently cooking him dinner, it was all so  _very_  domestic.

“Y’know, I genuinely get concerned that if I don’t feed you, you’ll live off toast and beans all the time,” Robert commented, standing at the cooker. He was wearing a pair of tight blue trousers that showed off the curve of his arse perfectly, and it took Aaron  second to tear his gaze away and respond.

“There’s nothing wrong with what I eat.”

“You can’t live off instant noodles and bread, Aaron,” Robert rolled his eyes, plating up the stir-fry he'd been cooking.

“Thats why I have you, innit?” Aaron shrugged, accepting the plate Robert offered him with a quiet thank you. “You’ve got to be good for something, otherwise why am I with ya?”

“My winning personality and good looks?”

“More like your massive ego.” Aaron rolled his eyes, tucking into the food. He’d only recently discovered Robert was actually a really good cook. He’d kept it well under wraps until he’d offered to make them all breakfast the morning after Aaron’s birthday dinner.

That had him in Chas and Cain’s good books straight away, not that his uncle had said it, but there had been a content look on his face as he’d eaten the full English Robert had whipped up.

“Boys, good to see you,” Chrissie greeted, entering the kitchen with a stack of books in her arms. “Robert, can you please keep the noise down tonight? I’ve got a draft of my thesis due in tomorrow morning, and I’d like to have the time to edit it.”

Aaron barely held in a snort, focusing on his dinner. He’d heard Rebecca and Robert complain practically on a daily basis that Chrissie could just go use the library rather than make them all stay quiet in the house, but neither of them were willing to say it to her face.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t planning on having a party.”

Chrissie gave Aaron a pointed look that was hard to miss.

“Chrissie, I’ve got no intention of Aaron leaving here tonight if thats what you’re trying to imply,” Robert said. “Don’t worry, we’ll stay in my room and make no noise. I won’t even breathe too loudly, in case it distracts you.”

“Honestly, is there any need for the sarcasm?” Chrissie rolled her eyes. “Bex is out, I assume.”

“I haven’t seen her.” Robert shrugged, turning to Aaron with a wide eyed expression as Chrissie left the room. “I swear, she wasn’t like this before. This masters has turned her into a right cow.”

Aaron figured now was as good a moment as any to ask. “Was it serious, between you two? Bex mentioned you’d gone out with her.”

Robert shook his head, setting his fork down. “I think she took it more seriously than I did, if I’m honest. I liked her well enough, but I wasn’t ready for the kind of commitment she wanted from me then. She’s a lot older, you know.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Robert nodded. “She’s twenty six, she had a kid when she was our age, her dad minds him while she’s here. He’s paying for her to come back to university, making sure she can take over his company when he retires.”

“You weren’t quite ready to be a step-dad then?”

Robert snorted. “Absolutely not,” he said, shovelling another forkful of food into his mouth. “I’ve not really been serious about many people in my life, but I’m serious about you.”

Aaron felt a flush rising in his cheeks and he ducked his head, his focus on his now mostly empty dinner plate. “Okay.”

“You don’t talk about your exes.” Robert nudged. “Have I got anyone to be jealous of?”

Aaron shook his head. “I went out with Ed for a bit, in sixth form. He’s a good mate still, but he lives in Edinburgh these days, going to uni up there.”

“Why did you break up?”

“I guess it just wasn’t working,” Aaron shrugged. Ed had been nice, and they’d had a simple,  _easy_  relationship for the close to a year they’d been together, but there hadn’t really been enough of a reason to keep it going when they both headed off for university.

They liked each other well enough, but long distance was a major commitment when you were nineteen, and Aaron wasn’t ready for it. Neither was Ed, really, so that had been the end of that.

“No one else then?”

Aaron swallowed thickly. “There was one person,” he admitted, setting his fork down. “Jackson.”

Robert seemed to sense this was a sensitive subject. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” he said, barely hiding his curiosity. Aaron appreciated his blatant lie, he clearly wanted to know everything.

“I should probably tell you.” Aaron bit at a piece of skin on his lip, ignoring the nerves that had settled in his stomach. “I didn’t find it easy, coming out. I was sixteen when I met Jackson, and he was a good mate - he really tried to help me come to terms with it all, but I wasn’t ready to be with him the way he wanted me to. We had a massive argument one night, and he got hit by a car.”

“I’m so sorry, Aaron.”

“He survived,” Aaron said quietly. “At least for a little while, and I tried to be there for him, but he couldn’t cope with being paralysed. His mum and I helped him to commit suicide.”

“Oh, Aaron.” the shock was clear in Robert’s voice.

“He was eighteen, you know, he was an adult.” Aaron tried to blink back furious tears. “His mum told the police that it had all been her, that I hadn’t even been there. I went a bit off the rails after that, it’s why I’m twenty and only in first year. Ended up taking a year out of school.”

It was hard to talk about Jackson, even now.

Robert moved so quickly Aaron barely had time to react, his boyfriend gathering him up into a tight hug. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” he murmured into Aaron’s ear, pressing soft kisses to the side of his head.

Aaron clung to Robert’s arms, the hug making him feel a million times better. He wiped at the tears on his cheeks, nodding against Robert’s chest. “S’ok. He’d have wanted me to move on and be happy, his mum said that.”

“Of course he would have,” Robert tightened his grip on Aaron. “You are happy, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

He was.

He definitely was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron watched as a frazzled looking Robert gave him a confused look, headphones around his neck, brow furrowed, and he was clearly starving, if the rumble of his stomach was anything to go by.

“Bex texted me, said you’d been holed up in your room doing this assignment for the last two days, and she was worried you were dead,” Aaron said, waving the paper bag in front of Robert. “I bought you Thai food, oh - and coffee, from that cafe you keep dragging me to every time we pass it.”

Robert genuinely looked as though he was about to cry. “Have I ever mentioned I think you’re brilliant?” he said, pulling his headphones off properly, dumping them on his desk.

Aaron shrugged. “It’s not exactly going to help, if you get so stressed you forget to eat, is it?” he said, shrugging off his backpack, and sitting down on the edge of Robert’s bed.

He wasn’t used to having someone to worry about, Aaron, but he worried about Robert. He quite liked worrying about Robert, actually.

Robert took a generous gulp of his coffee, letting out a noise fairly close to a  _moan_  as he rolled across the floor in his desk chair, planting his feet either side of Aaron’s legs.

“I got you Thai Red Curry,” Aaron said, passing Robert one of the cartons of food. He wasn’t much of a fan of Thai food himself, but the delighted grin on Robert’s face made him remember exactly why he bought it - Robert loved it.

“You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” Robert beamed, taking one of the plastic forks, and digging into his steaming hot curry.

“Am I the only boyfriend you’ve ever had?” Aaron blurted out the question before he could really even think about it, stop himself. He knew Robert was bisexual, but he’d never really mentioned an ex-boyfriend before.

He was curious.

Robert paused, chewing on a mouthful of curry. “You’re not the first guy I’ve ever been with,” he admitted. “There’s been a few others. But you’re the first guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with.”

Aaron nodded. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, of course,” Aaron shook his head. “I’m just - I guess I was curious. I’ve never been in a relationship with a bisexual guy before. Does that sound weird? Should I not say that?”

“I’m hardly the poster boy for the LGBT community, Aaron,” Robert laughed. “I don’t know. As long as it doesn’t bother you that I like both, because that’s not exactly something I can change about myself.”

“Why would it bother me?”

Robert shrugged, slowly chewing on a mouthful of food. “Dunno.”

Aaron knocked his knee against Robert’s. “I only care that you’re interested in me, anyway.”

Robert laughed, the awkwardness that had fallen between them lifting almost instantly, making Aaron feel as though he was exactly where he was supposed to be again.

“Are you staying here tonight?”

“I don’t have any clothes with me,” Aaron admitted, pausing with a forkful of food halfway to his mouth. He hadn’t exactly thought ahead, if he was honest. “I’ve got an early class.”

“Borrow a jumper of mine or something, you wear your clothes baggy anyway,” Robert shrugged, inching a little closer to Aaron, keeping him bracketed in with his knees.

“You really want me to stay, don’t you?” Aaron teased. He wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of staying with Robert, but it was fun to tease. It’s not as if he’d really give up a night with his boyfriend, just to make sure he was wearing his own jumper to class the next day.

“I always want you to stay,” Robert said, sincere. “And….” he trailed off, looking unsure of himself.

“And what?”

Robert jerked his head toward his chest of drawers. “Maybe I could clear out a drawer for you, you could leave some of your stuff here.”

(It was just a drawer, Aaron told himself the day he packed some clothes into his backpack, ready to leave a measly collection of socks and clean t-shirts at his boyfriends house.)

(It was just a drawer, Aaron kept telling himself as he and Robert messed about, lobbing clothes at each other, kissing and laughing.)

(It was just a drawer, he concluded, but it felt a lot bigger, felt like the kind of commitment he’d never seen himself making at twenty.)

(It felt good.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You look so loved up.”

Aaron looked up from the article he was pouring over, the printed sheets pen marked and highlighted to death, the oral presentation he had in a weeks time looming. “You what?”

“You’ve got this glow,” Scarlet slid into the seat across from him, her smile a mile wide. “This loved up sort of glow.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright.”

“She’s right you know.”

Aaron barely bit back a comment about how Adam would  _obviously_  agree with Scarlett, glaring at the boy who’d fast become his best mate over the past few months, the two of them already planning to move in together come the next semester. “We’ve been together about five minutes!”

“You’ve been seeing him since September,” Adam said pointedly, practically glued to Scarlett’s side. It was starting to do Aaron’s head in, if he was honest, the way Adam trailed after her like a puppy, refusing to even think about making a move on her, but he could  _hardly_  say it.

“We’ve been together since Christmas,” Aaron replied, twirling his highlighter between his fingers, the discussion on marketing concepts he was supposed to be gaining an oh so wonderful insight into making about as much sense as Latin would have. “I could hardly love him, could I?”

“You’ve not said I love you yet, have you?”

Aaron looked up, the excitement in Scarlett’s voice making him raise an eyebrow. “Why would I have?”

“Because you two are perfect for each other!” she exclaimed, elbowing Adam in the stomach. “Honestly, aren’t they perfect for each other? It’s so obvious you’re in love with each other.”

“Mate, you’re like - married, or summat,” Adam grinned. “You know you’re considered the relationship guru in our class?”

Aaron snorted. “You’ve got low standards than, haven’t you?”

“No - Aaron, I’m serious,” Adam shook his head. “I’ve never seen two people fit together like you and Robert do, it’s mad. Like, he does my head in -“

“Oi, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”

“He does my head in,” Adam repeated with a smirk. “But you’re all soft and gooey around him.”

“I’ve never been gooey in my life,” Aaron grimaced. If he was  _gooey_ , well - he’d have to break up with Robert just to have his reputation, wouldn’t he? Aaron Dingle didn’t do gooey, and in love, thanks very much.

“How do you feel about him?” Scarlett nudged.

“He’s a good shag,” Aaron shrugged. “Now can you both fuck off and let me finish reading this stupid article?”

It wasn’t until he was curled up in bed that night, watching the three little dots move about his screen, signalling that Robert was mid reply to his moan about coursework, that Aaron really thought about Scarlett’s question.

How did he feel about Robert?

Surely - no, he couldn't love him, not yet. He’d only known him since September, and it was February now. That wasn’t long enough to love someone, it  _wasn’t_ , not for anyone, and certainly not for Aaron.

It had taken him exactly ten months, thirty seven days, to tell Ed he loved him, and the words had stuck in his throat as though they didn’t want to come out, as though he didn’t want to admit aloud that he loved someone else.

It was too soon.

But - well, Aaron couldn’t deny that he felt  _a lot_  for Robert.

A lot love?

No.

( _Maybe_.)

(Aaron wasn’t ready to figure that out.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took a lot for Aaron to feel secure in a relationship. He was the product of a broken home and a shitty childhood, and it really did take a lot for him to feel secure in a relationship - even with Ed, at times, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and Ed had been  _safe_ , and  _easy_  to be with.

He felt secure with Robert, and it scared him, because he’d only known him for five months. But Aaron felt secure, and happy, and willing to give stability a go, and see where it would take him.

Which is why it hurt so much to see what he saw that day, a grumpy Connor letting Aaron into their house late one evening, complaining about an assignment he had due before Aaron could even get a word in edgeways.

Aaron just nodded, taking the steps two at a time to Robert’s room, barging in without so much as knocking, because it’s not like he’d ever needed to before, is it?

Robert was sitting on his bed, his lips inches from Rebecca’s, a drunken, dozy look on his face Aaron had come to recognise after countless house parties, nights they’d stumbled home drunk together, words slurred and eyes unfocused.

“Am I interrupting?” Aaron practically growled, not bothering to hide his anger. Why should he have to hide it? His  _boyfriend_ , his ‘I’m serious about you Aaron’ boyfriend was sitting on his bed, inches from kissing his housemate -  _of course_ he was going to be angry.

Robert jumped backwards, unsteady on his feet as he got up. “Aaron! You said you were going home after class.”

“I changed my mind.” Aaron glared at him. “Am I going to get an explanation or what?”

“I, uh -“

“Robert, are you trying to make a mug of me or something? Because I thought we were in a relationship, a  _proper_ relationship,” Aaron looked between him, and Rebecca.

“It was nothing, Aaron, he’s drunk,” Rebecca unfolded her long legs from underneath her, standing up. She looked suitably embarrassed, as though she was  “I only came in to check if he was alright.”

“And stick your tongue down his throat while you’re at it?” Aaron snapped. “I’m not going to be taken for an idiot, Robert. You said you were serious about me.”

“I am!”

“Clearly not, if this is what you get up to when I say I can’t call over,” Aaron didn’t want to cry, not in front of Rebecca. “Go fuck yourself, Robert. This is done, we’re done.”

He turned around, thundering downstairs again, barely acknowledging Chrissie’s annoyed shouts about needing some peace and quiet to finish her work. Her thesis writing wasn’t  _exactly_  his priority, then and there.

Aaron didn’t let himself cry until he was out on the street, four houses up, his breath coming in short gasps as he cried, leaning against a random garden wall.

How could he have been so stupid? If he’d just listened to Chrissie at the start of the year, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten so invested.

Robert clearly had a reputation that he’d been happy to ignore, and it  _hurt_.

It hurt because Aaron was absolutely head over heels for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was tempted to ignore his phone when it started to ring again, but it was the eleventh missed call he’d gotten from Rebecca in so many minutes, and he kind of felt bad.

He shouldn’t, but he did.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Aaron said shortly as he answered.

 _“Aaron, thank god! Is Robert with you?”_ Rebecca sounded desperate, panicked, even, the lone crackling slightly as she spoke.

Ask a stupid question, Aaron thought to himself. Why on earth would Robert be with him, unless he was looking for a shouting match?

(Or worse.)

(Aaron was doing his best to count to ten and not let his temper control his actions, but he was also tempted to take his counsellors advice and shove it, and go find something to punch.)

“No, why would he be?”

_“He left, after you did earlier. I haven’t heard from him all night, and he’s left his phone here - he’s not in a good way, Aaron.”_

“He’s not my problem anymore.”

_“Look, Aaron, I know how it looked, but it’s a really bad time of year for Robert. His dad died, last year, and he’s been okay, most of the time, but he struggles sometimes, and it was bound to happen around the time of the anniversary. God knows what was going through his head when he tried to kiss me, but it wouldn’t have went anywhere. You mean too much to him.”_

Aaron felt his heart sink as he listened to Rebecca explain the situation, realising there was still so much he didn’t know about his boyfriend, so much Robert hadn’t been willing to tell him. “He never mentioned his dad.”

 _“He doesn’t like to talk about him,”_  Rebecca replied, her voice soft.  _“Just, call me if you hear from him, please. I’m worried.”_

“Yeah, of course,” Aaron nodded, unable to hide his concern now, despite how angry he still was. He hung up, clambering out of bed and getting dressed as quick as he could, shoving on a mismatching pair of socks and an old hoodie of Robert’s he’d left a few weeks previous.

If Robert  _had_  decided to come to see him, he’d be stuck outside the building. He didn’t have keys, and it’s not like he had a phone to ring Aaron off of, so he could genuinely be out there, in the freezing cold, drunk and upset and alone.

Aaron might be angry with him, but it was February in Manchester, he didn’t want him to freeze to death if he was outside.

Grabbing his room key, and pulling his hood up around his ears, Aaron padded downstairs, spotting Robert sitting outside on the grass, looking an absolute state. He’d even left without a jacket, the shirt and trouser combination he was wearing not doing much against the chilly air, the grass soaking through his clothes.

_What an idiot._

“You’re going to freeze.”

Robert looked up, his eyes red rimmed and tears pouring down his cheeks. “Aaron, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Robert, don’t-“

“No, you don't deserve this,” Robert scrambled to his feet, still crying, stumbling over his words as he sobbed. “I promised you I was serious about this and and I just - I’m  _stupid_ , and I’m sorry.”

Aaron had never seen Robert in such a bad way, and he couldn’t just let him stay out there in the state he was in. “Come inside.”

“No, I’ll just go home -“

“Robert, come inside,” Aaron said firmly, tugging on Robert’s sleeve. He was incredibly unsteady on his feet, more drunk than Aaron had ever seen him, his boyfriend usually the epitome of a happy, reckless drunk, happy to steal traffic cones and dance all night. This - this wasn’t a good sort of drunk. “You’re in a right state, and I’m not that much of an asshole, am I? You’re still my boyfriend.”

“I am?” Robert looked surprised.

“For now.” Aaron tried to grin as he walked back inside, leading Robert up the stairs, the other boy uncoordinated and heavy footed. He contemplated getting food from the kitchen for Robert, to try and sober him up, but he could hear Adam and Scarlett talking inside, nattering away about something or other.

It  _probably_  wasn’t a very good idea to inflict a drunk and sad Robert on his housemates.

Unlocking his bedroom door, Aaron directed Robert inside, sitting him down on his desk chair. “How much have you drank?” he asked, rooting for a glass to fill with water.

“I don’t know,” Robert mumbled, slumping in the chair, looking annoyed at himself. “I was drunk when you got there… Then I just got  _drunker_ , and  _drunker_ , and  _drunker_.”

“Bex told me about your dad,” Aaron said softly, pushing the glass of water into Robert’s hands, steadying it as some sloshed over the side, wetting Robert’s already damp trousers. “You could have talked to me about it, you know.”

Robert was quiet for a second before he broke down again, water sloshing over the side of the glass, most of it emptying onto the floor this time. He sounded so desperate, so utterly broken by it all, that Aaron genuinely thought his own heart was shattering in his chest.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Aaron took the glass from him, gathering Robert into a tight hug, rubbing slow, soothing circles across his damp back. “It’s alright."

“It’s not though, is it?” Robert sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to Aaron’s jumper. “He’s dead and he  _hated_  me, and nothing is ever going to okay again.”

Aaron wasn’t really sure what to say, so he simply hugged Robert tighter, letting him cry his heart out. Robert was always so composed, so put together, it was hard to watch him fall apart like this.

“‘M sorry I’m so useless,” Robert hiccuped into Aaron’s shoulder, still clinging to him, though his sobs had subsided now.

“Robert, you’re not useless,” Aaron pulled back, brushing Robert’s hair back off his face. “Let’s just go to sleep, yeah? If you’re feeling up to it we can talk about this properly tomorrow.”

Robert nodded, dark circles under his eyes a fairly good indicator of how genuinely exhausted he was, how much he needed a decent nights sleep. Aaron could help, he could give him that.

Aaron kissed the top of his head, turning so he could root for some pyjamas for Robert to sleep in. His clothes were damp, and cold, and Aaron didn't fancy Robert getting pneumonia.

(Or getting pneumonia himself, curled up in bed with him.)

“Here,” Aaron handed him a t-shirt and some pyjama bottoms he was sure belonged to Robert anyway. They were a bright colour and a horrific checkered print, so either Chas bought them in a moment of madness, or they belonged to Robert. “I’m just going to get some crackers or something, sober ya up a bit.”

He waited until Robert nodded, unbuckling his trousers with shaking hands, to leave, padding down the hallway to the kitchen.

“Is everything alright mate?” Adam asked as he entered the kitchen, a concerned look on his face. He was on his own now, Scarlett clearly given up on whatever they were doing together. “I heard you go out and come back in.”

“Yeah, Robert’s here,” Aaron said, rooting in his cupboard for some biscuits or something.

“Is he alright?”

Aaron thought back to a conversation he’d had with Adam a few weeks back, his mate talking about how his dad had died a few years back. “His dad died, this time last year. He’s not coping with it, which is fair - I just, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know.”

Adam gave him a sympathetic look, clearly understanding straight away. “There’s not much you can say, mate. It’s hell, that first year, and the first anniversary is the worst. Just, be there for him, y’know? Be there for him and it’ll help.”

“Thanks mate,” Aaron gave Adam’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’d better get back to him, he’s drunk off his face.”

“I’m here if you need anything, seriously.”

Aaron gave him another grateful smile, heading back to his room. He noticed Robert was fast asleep as soon as he stepped inside, the blonde boy curled up against the wall, his face shoved into the pillow, shoulders tense.

He set the packet of biscuits he’d found down on his desk, grabbing his phone and sending a quick text to Rebecca to let her know he’d found Robert.

Her reply buzzed through a second later.

_Rebecca: Take care of him x_

Aaron looked at his phone, and then at Robert, unable to stop the way his heart just filled with emotion.

 _Of course_  he as going to take care of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was sitting at his desk, finishing off a bowl of cereal when Robert finally stirred, looking at him, bleary eyed. “You alright?”

“God, Aaron, I am so sorry about that night, about yesterday,” Robert sat up, looking pale and worn out. His voice was hoarse, the aftermath of his hysterical tears the previous evening.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, I’m a little pissed about you apparently trying to kiss Rebecca, but Robert, you’re  _grieving_. I’m not going to be angry with you over that,” Aaron set his bowl down, moving so he was sitting on the bed next to Robert, knocking his knee against Robert’s, a sort of ‘I’m here’ gesture.

“I should have talked to you about it,” Robert wiped at his eyes roughly. “God, I feel like shit.”

“You want a cup of tea?”

Robert shook his head. “No, I - I want to explain everything to you properly.”

Aaron nodded, nudging Robert’s shoulder with his own. “Tea would help though.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Robert’s face softened, realising Aaron wasn’t as furious as he probably had every right to be. “Yeah, tea would be good.”

“I’ll be back in a second.” Aaron said, heading for the kitchen again. It was times like this he wished he had a kettle in his room, it would make life  _infinitely_  easier - and he’d be able to force Robert to make him tea every morning he was over.

It didn’t take long for him to make the tea, and he dumped an extra spoon of sugar in Robert’s for good measure, quickly heading back down the hallway before Robert could panic, change his mind about talking to him.

“Thank you,” Robert said gratefully, taking a sip of his tea. “My dad died, last year. Massive heart attack.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t. How bad does that sound? My first thought when he died was that at least I couldn’t disappoint him anymore,” Robert looked down at his cup of tea, studying the milky liquid carefully. “We never got on, really. I always wanted a very different life to the one I had, I didn’t want to take over the farm.”

Aaron didn’t want to interrupt.

“When he died…. We weren’t exactly on good terms, and it messed with my head. I never had a chance to make up with him, or anything, because he went and died of a heart attack. Passed away in his own bed, the git,” Robert ran a frustrated hand over his face. “I didn’t cope very well, with dad dying. I started drinking a lot, I stopped going to lectures, I stopped doing anything other than going out and getting drunk and sleeping with someone new every night of the week.”

Robert glanced at him. “I don’t have very healthy coping mechanisms.”

“Does anyone?” Aaron shrugged, thinking of the scars that littered his stomach and arms, scars Robert had never asked him about.

“That’s fair,” Robert took another drink of his tea. “I had to go home, for a few weeks after the funeral, help run the farm. I was going to take a few weeks off, and then go back to my life here at uni, but things didn’t work out that way. Andy and I had a massive bust up and it sent me over the edge. I just spiralled when I came back here, got absolutely wrecked. I failed the year, I’m repeating second year now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“S’not like it was your fault,” Robert shrugged. “Rebecca was a real mate to me, then. I kind of - I let it become more than that though, and I shouldn’t have. I knew she had feelings for me, and I was lonely, and I was grieving, and I just…. I used her, I guess, to try and cope.”

Aaron swallowed thickly. “You and Rebecca were together?”

Robert nodded. “We kept it secret. Because of my history with Chrissie, I said, but it was because I didn’t want her that way, not really. It all ended in a disaster after about a month, when she came home and found someone else in bed with me. She’d thought it was for real, you know? And I was just trying to cope.”

Aaron wasn’t really sure what to say.

“It was shitty, I know, but I wasn’t in a good headspace then. God, I wasn’t in a  good headspace until I met you, really,” Robert admitted. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. You had a right to know, about me and Bex.”

“I did,” Aaron confirmed. “But theres nothing there now, is there?”

Robert shook his head. “What you saw yesterday was just me trying to be self destructive,” he said quietly. “I don’t have any feelings for her, I never did.”

Aaron nodded. “Okay. I trust you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s your dad’s anniversary, right? I don’t want to make it all about some fling you had with Bex, y’know? Feels a bit… wrong,” Aaron shrugged, finishing the last of his tea.

“Thank you,” Robert said quietly. “I don’t deserve you, you know?”

“You do.” Aaron pressed a kiss to Robert’s shoulder. “Is there anything you want to do? For the anniversary?”

Robert shook his head. “My little sister wanted me to come home, but I just… I can’t do it, Aaron. I couldn’t - I couldn’t face going back there, not when I’ve been so happy for so long now. Going home to - to listen to everyone talk about how much they miss him, what a great man Jack Sugden was, it’d kill me.”

There was more to Robert and his dad than he was letting on, Aaron decided, but he figured Robert would tell him when he wanted to tell him.

(Everyone had their secrets, after all.)

“S’alright,” Aaron gave him a soft smile. “How about we go to the cinema?”

“Cinema?” Robert looked confused at the suggestion.

“Yup. Take your mind off it.”

“I uh.. That sounds good, actually.”

Aaron pressed a light kiss to Robert’s lips, wanting to be near him. He liked kissing Robert, liked the physical connection they had, as well as all the soppy stuff he didn't much like to talk about. “I’m not going to pretend like I understand, but I’m here. Yeah? I’m here whenever you need me, so just, talk to me instead of going on a bender. I’m a good listener.”

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s middle, hugging him tightly, face pressed into Aaron’s chest. “I miss him. I hated him most of the time, but I do miss him, sometimes at least.”

“You’re allowed to,” Aaron hugged him tightly, rubbing slow circles across Robert’s back, running his fingers gently through Robert’s hair, raising an eyebrow at the piece of grass he found stuck in the back of the birds nest the blond hair had become. “He was your dad.”

“Yeah,” Robert burrowed his face into Aaron’s t-shirt. “I love you, you know.”

Aaron froze.

Robert loved him?

“Sorry, I just… I’ve been wanting to say that for a while, now.” Robert admitted, pulling back so he could look at Aaron properly, not looking the slightest bit panicked about the fact he’d just said ‘I love you’ for the first time - he looked perfectly at ease with it, actually. “I love you.”

Aaron felt panic rising in his chest as he stuttered over his words. “I don’t - I can’t say it back.”

He  _wanted_  to, he thought he wanted to anyway, but actually saying those three words to Robert, he couldn’t do it.

Aaron had only ever told Ed he loved him once. He wasn’t even really sure he had really loved him, so he’d never said it, but Ed had said it all the time.

(Until he didn’t, because eventually you stop trying when the person you’re in love with responds to your ‘I-love-you’s with an awkward smile or a thank you.)

Aaron wasn’t good at saying it.

Robert’s face fell slightly, but he covered it up with a weak smile. “S’ok.”

“Is it? Robert, I’m sorry, I just.. I can’t."

“It’s okay,” Robert repeated. “Really, it’s okay. I can wait.”

“You can?” Aaron couldn’t hide the surprise from his voice.

“Yeah, kind of a side effect of being in love with someone, you’re willing to wait.” Robert hugged him tightly again. “Thanks for listening, by the way.”

Aaron swallowed his panic, wrapping a protective arm around Robert again. “Always.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Why were you so adamant about going on a proper date?” Aaron asked as they walked down the street, the buzz of the city like background noise. It was nearly a week since The Incident, as Aaron had started to refer to it in his head, and they were starting to get back on track.

Aaron didn’t understand what it was like to lose a parent like Robert had. He hadn’t gone into detail, but he’d mentioned once that his mum had died when he was fourteen, and with his dad, well - Robert was an orphan, wasn’t he? Aaron’s family mightn't have been conventional, but he had a mum, and a dad, and they cared.

By the sounds of it, the Sugden family was complicated.

“I wanted to make it up to you,” Robert said. “After everything that happened last week, I wanted to do something nice, just the two of us. No housemates, no interruptions. Didn’t you like dinner?”

“I did,” Aaron nodded. “I just didn’t think it was something we did.”

“It can be, sometimes,” Robert said. “I meant it when I said I was serious about you, Aaron. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

“Really?”

Robert nodded. “I’m not.. I’ve not always been one for commitment, and I’m trying to be more honest with you about all that. It was shitty of me, not to tell you about me and Bex. But you, you’re different. You’ve been different from day one, honestly.”

“It’s weird, to hear stuff like that,” Aaron admitted.

“Why?”

“Because I never thought I’d be happy in a relationship,” Aaron said quietly, thinking of the insecurities he’d always felt with Ed. “I didn’t want to be gay.”

“I didn’t want to be bisexual,” Robert offered.

“No, but I…” Aaron trailed off. “You know the scars I have?”

Robert nodded, not saying a word, giving him the chance to gather his thoughts.

“Thanks for not asking about them.”

 _That_  felt like a good place to start.

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

“I don’t know if ready is the right word.” Aaron admitted, stopping as they reached a bus stop, settling himself down on the cold bench. He wanted to be sitting, to tell Robert all this. “I hated the idea of being gay. I really did. I tried to kill myself, before I came out.”

Robert’s eyes widened in shock. “Aaron -“

“Just, let me say all this, please.”

Robert nodded, going instantly silent.

“I gassed myself, in my uncles garage,” Aaron admitted, staring intently at his hands. “I was okay for a while after that, when I had Jackson, but when he had the accident, when he died - I couldn’t cope again. I started to self harm.”

Robert gave him an encouraging smile, echoing Aaron’s own words of barely a week previously. “Does anyone really have healthy coping mechanisms?”

Aaron smiled slightly, before focusing on what he needed to say first. “I’ve been good now, for a long time. I had a lot of therapy, I still go to counselling, sometimes. But the scars are still there, and they’ll always be there, and I can’t pretend like I won’t ever do it again.”

Robert nodded slowly. “If you ever do feel like doing it again, will you promise to talk to me? Just like I promised I’d talk to you about stuff to do with dad if it was getting to me.”

Aaron nodded. “I promise I’ll try.”

“Okay,” Robert seemed satisfied. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that, by the way.”

“I’m okay now,” Aaron shrugged it off. “I am, honestly. I’m alright now.”

And for the first time in his entire life, sitting at a rainy bus stop at gone midnight, with a boy he’d only known for six months, Aaron genuinely meant that.

He was okay.

He was honest to God,  _okay_.

It was the best feeling in the entire world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron hadn’t stayed at Robert’s, since everything had happened.

Since  _The Incident_ , always said in an over dramatic voice, because if they could laugh about their problems, what was the point, really?

It was equal parts intentional, and unintentional, if he was being honest. Intentional in the sense that Aaron didn’t really want to face Rebecca, didn’t want to speak to her, despite knowing he needed to, and unintentional in the sense that he’d gotten a vomiting bug, and hadn’t actually seen Robert in a week.

(Vomit, they’d quickly discovered, was not something Robert was particularly good at coping with.)

He did eventually see her, not over the breakfast table, an awkward conversation already rehearsed in his head, but in the middle of the night, when he came down to get himself a glass of water.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, mug of tea in hand, pouring over her laptop. Aaron would normally have laughed, her blonde hair hanging off the side of her head in what he assumed was supposed to be a bun, her watermelon patterned pyjamas childlike, but he wasn’t sure he was there yet, if he was back to being friends with her.

“Hi,” Rebecca greeted, quiet and unsure.

“Hi,” Aaron retuned the greeting, taking his glass of water and sitting down across from her. “Assignment due this week?”

“Final draft of my dissertation,” Rebecca admitted, brow furrowed. “I thought it was perfect, and now I’m reading it over again and I seem to be finding endless mistakes, it’s - well, you don’t have to worry about it for another year or so, do you?”

Aaron shook his head. “I’ll live in blissful ignorance a while longer, I think.”

“I am sorry, you know - about what happened a few weeks back,” Rebecca said after a moment of awkward silence. “I should have told you about what happened between me and Robert.”

“It was on Robert to tell me what happened with you two,” Aaron pointed out. “I appreciate the apology though.”

“I get a bit crazy, when it comes to Robert,” Rebecca admitted, looking embarrassed. “You ever been in love with someone you know will never love you back?” she inquired, holding her mug of tea close to her chest now, clearly drawing comfort from it.

Aaron shook his head. “No.”

“You’re the lucky one then, aren’t you?” Rebecca offered him a sad smile. “He’s at his best you know, with you. There was times last year when we all wondered if we’d ever get Robert, the Robert we know back.”

“And he’s the old Robert with me?”

“No, I think he’s a better Robert with you,” Rebecca smiled. “What you two have is really special, you know? I - I’d hate to think that a few drunken mistakes between me and Robert would ever affect it.”

“It hasn’t,” Aaron said, wincing as he realised how harsh it sounded. “No, I mean - you’re a great friend to him, Bex, better than he deserved at times, by the sound of it, but it’s not like I see you as a threat, or anything.”

“Good,” Rebecca gave his wrist a squeeze. “Because I’ve known Robert a long time, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

“It’s embarrassing, innit?” Aaron joked.

“Oh, completely,” Rebecca laughed. “We’re okay then?”

“Course,” Aaron nodded, standing up. “Good luck with the proof-reading. I’m sure it’s great.”

“Goodnight Aaron.”

Aaron headed for the stairs, unable to help the grin on his face as he stepped back into Robert’s room, his boyfriend engrossed in whatever book he’d bought himself to distract from all the studying and assignments they had.

“What’s got you so happy?”

“Just you,” Aaron shrugged, setting the glass of water down on Robert’s bedside locker, taking his book. He marked Robert’s place carefully (he’d learned the hard way that nothing got Robert in a grumpier mood than losing his place in a chapter), and straddled his hips, enjoying the way Robert’s body felt under his, the way Robert’s hands automatically came to rest on Aaron’s thighs.

This was the easy bit.

“What’s got you so soft?” Robert asked, eyes bright. He had that embarrassing, completely, utterly in love expression on his face, the one Aaron wasn’t used to seeing, even now, months after that first ‘I love you.’

Aaron shrugged, pushing Robert’s hands up above his head, leaning in to kiss him.

“I love you, you know,” Robert replied, lips inches from Aaron’s, cheeks flushing a soft pink as Aaron ground his hips into Robert’s crotch, the reaction instantaneous.

Aaron smirked. “And I’m in charge tonight, Sugden.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron was sprawled out on the grass, Robert’s head in his lap. It was May now, the semester over, exams done and dusted - Rebecca had invited them all around for an end of year barbecue, and for once, the weather was on their side, the late afternoon sun bright.

Running a gentle hand through Robert’s hair, Aaron grinned at his boyfriend before tuning back into the conversation.

“Where are you living next year, Aaron?” Rebecca asked, a glass of wine in hand.  She never looked as though she belonged in an overgrown university garden, did Rebecca - never looked like she belonged in university at all, if Aaron was honest, too put together and sophisticated compared to the rest of his friends. “Now you’re free of halls, finally.”

“I’m living in a house off campus, with Adam and Scarlett,” Aaron said, thinking of the endless viewings the three of them had been going to over the last week or two. They’d eventually found a house by main campus that was looking for three people to replace housemates that were graduating.

Aaron wasn’t wild about the idea of living in a house of eight, but it was better than halls. He’d have a proper bedroom, at least - he, Adam and Scarlett had flipped for the remaining rooms in the house, and he’d managed to get the biggest of the three, a small room with a double bed he had every intention of putting to very good use next semester with Robert.

“I’m sure you’ll all miss me terribly,” Chrissie drawled, tossing her hair over her shoulder, smirking as she looked around the group, her sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose.

“Oh, absolutely.” Connor rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to enjoy playing music at all hours, if I’m honest,” Rebecca smirked.

“Just because you’re staying on to get a masters degree in art, Bex, doesn’t mean the rest of us will be slacking,” Robert commented, his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose.

“Oh, please, you’re the definition of a slacker, Sugden.” Rebecca rolled her eyes, tossing her intricate braid over her shoulder. “I can’t believe you’ve been trying to make your sister move in with us, by the way. Let the poor girl experience halls her first year!”

“I know what people get up to in halls, I don’t want her living there.”

“I don’t think you’ve got a choice.” Aaron piped up, still messing with Robert’s hair. For someone who took such an insane amount of pride in how he looked, he seemed perfectly content for Aaron to mess up his carefully gelled fringe. “Victoria sounds more stubborn than you are.”

“She is,” Chrissie confirmed. “I rather admire her, actually, keeping a good head on her shoulders when she had to grow up with you as a brother, Robert.”

“I’m a great brother!” Robert protested, a grumpy look on his face. “If everyone’s going to prefer Victoria to me next year, I might as well move out and let her move in here.”

“Oh, please do!” Rebecca teased. “She’s  _far_  better company than you are.”

Aaron couldn’t help but lean down and plant a kiss on Robert’s lips, a quick peck that didn’t last more than a second, enjoying the way Robert grinned up at him as he pulled away, a stupid look on his face.

“You two are honestly disgusting,” Connor rolled his eyes. “Honestly, this relationship malarkey is going to drive me  _mad_  next year.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Chrissie offered Aaron a genuine smile. “I think this is the first time any of us have seen Robert actually settled since we started university.”

“Robert is still here.” Robert piped up, not sounding particularly offended. “He’s also starving, so… Bex? Food?”

“Ugh, you’re never pleased, are you? It’s in the oven, I’m not taking it out until everyone else arrives. This is a party, Robert, not a casual afternoon.”

“I mean is there a difference?” Robert asked, Rebecca reaching out and slapping one of Robert’s bare legs. He’d donned a pair of shorts that morning, embracing the beginnings of the summer.

“Obviously! Aaron, control your boyfriend, please.”

Robert smirked. “I don’t think you’d like to be watching if he did. Or maybe you would, if that’s your thing.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, putting a hand over Robert’s mouth, muffling his words. “No problem, Bex.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was strange, really. Aaron had started the year with every intention of hating university, and he was finishing it with great friends, a boyfriend, decent grades, and he was genuinely looking forward to coming back in September.

“Thanks for putting up with Rebecca’s nonsense the other day,” Robert said, flicking on his indicator so he could pull into the lane that would take them into Leeds. They’d spent a few days packing up their gear, and Robert had insisted on dropping Aaron home on his way back to Emmerdale. “I know she can be a lot."

“I had a good time, actually,” Aaron shrugged, fiddling with the empty bottle of Coke he was still holding. “Chrissie seems like a lot more fun now she’s not doing her thesis.”

Robert smiled fondly. “Yeah, she has her moments.”

“It’s weird, I’m already looking forward to going back in September,” Aaron admitted, glancing across the car at his boyfriend.

Robert grinned, clearly delighted with himself. “I told you that you’d settle in!”

“Yeah, alright, you’re not always right, don’t be a prick.” Aaron rolled his eyes, noticing that Robert had pulled on to his street. “Thanks for the lift, by the way.”

“I did have ulterior motives.” Robert admitted, pulling into a parking space, cutting the ignition.

Aaron raised an eyebrow. Ulterior motives?

“Andy, he’s getting married in a couple of weeks time,” Robert said. “I was wondering if you’d come?”

“To your brothers wedding? Bit serious, innit?”

“It’ll be fun,” Robert reassured. “I just… You mean a lot to me, you know? I’d like it if you were there.”

Aaron couldn’t say no, could he? Not when Robert was looking at him like that, like he was the most important thing in the world, like he was just so hopelessly, completely in love.  “Yeah, alright.”

Robert beamed. “Good. I bet you don’t look half bad in a suit, you know.”

“Keep your fantasies to yourself, we’re about to go and have tea with my mum and Paddy.”

Robert feigned a grimace, leaning across the car to kiss him properly. “Love you,” he’d been saying it a lot more often since that first time, the words easy and natural for Robert.

Aaron liked hearing it.

He mightn’t be able to say it himself yet, but he definitely liked hearing it.

“Soft,” Aaron replied affectionately, smacking one last kiss against Robert’s lips. “I think mum’s made lasagne.”

“Ah yes, the Dingle family speciality - food with  _cheese_.”

“Don’t be a git.” Aaron swatted at Robert, grabbing the handle of one of his suitcases. Robert’s car was absolutely overflowing, his Ford practically buckling under the weight of their gear.

“Me, be a git?  _Never_.”

“Shut up and help me bring this lot in.” Aaron rolled his eyes. Robert relented, grabbing some of Aaron’s stuff from the car, heading toward the front door of Aaron’s house.

Aaron watched Robert go, admiring the broad outline of his shoulders the t-shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide, the tight material of his jeans that hugged every delicious muscle of his legs, his arse.

Not a bad year, Aaron decided, his heart skipping a literal fucking beat as Robert turned around and grinned at him.

Not a bad year at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the delay in updating this! i'd hoped to have it up a few days after the first chapter, but the first week of uni was a lot more work than i'd anticipated! thanks for the love on the first chapter, it's made me one happy gal, seeing as it's been in the works since about march.


	3. first year: iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a brief warning for some discussions of homophobia/general homophobic behaviour, but nothing explicit!

 

Summer was boring, Aaron decided. The summer holidays had always been boring, Aaron usually stuck helping out with Paddy at the surgery, or with Cain at the garage (earning his keep, his mum would always say, but it more like a ‘lets keep you out of trouble plan’ his entire family rallied behind every summer.)

Summer was even more boring when Aaron wasn’t seeing Robert every day.

He was hardly going to admit that the reason he was lying, face down on the couch and watching boring daytime television was because he genuinely missed Robert, but it was exactly why Aaron was pretending to be engrossed in Jeremy Kyle.

“You should go out, for a run or something,” Chas called from the kitchen, busy making herself a cup of tea. “Clear your head.”

“I don’t want to,” Aaron replied, starting at the blank screen of his phone. “It’s summer, I’m supposed to do nothing and be lazy, mum.”

“Aaron, come on, you can’t lie here all summer,” Chas sighed, setting a cup of tea down in front of Aaron.

“It’s my day off!” Aaron protested, struggling into a sitting position. “I was helping Paddy all day yesterday, I’m allowed to have one lazy morning.”

Chas gave him a look, the look, the ‘Aaron, please, could you just agree that I’m right  and do what I say’ look. “I’m working the late shift tonight, you’ll have sort your own tea,” she said.

“I do cook for myself at university,” Aaron pointed out, not willing to admit that he mostly lived off frozen pizzas and ready meals, unless Robert had decided to cook for him.

“You know where the number for Dominos is,” Chas smirked, heading back toward the kitchen, banging around like a woman possessed. Aaron knew she just had his best interests at heart, but he’d gotten used to Chas interfering in his life from afar when he was away at university, and he wasn’t really enjoying having her interfere in his every move now.

Taking a swig of his tea, Aaron glanced toward his mobile phone.

He had a free house, and it had been a week since he’d seen Robert, Aaron pondered, aimlessly scrolling through the messages he and Robert had been exchanging.

Emmerdale wasn’t that far away.

Quickly typing out a text, Aaron settled back into the couch and waited for Robert’s reply.

to robert: mum’s working lunchtime until late, you fancy takeaway and a free house?

He felt like a teenager again, trying to figure out how best he could sneak Ed into the house and not have his mum notice. Chas was definitely more calm about that sort of thing than any of his friend’s parents, but there was some things you didn’t want to have to talk to your mum about, some things you didn’t want her to know.

from robert: give me an hour or so x

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the x Robert had tacked onto the end of his text. He did that a lot now, Robert, put kisses at the end of texts. Aaron teased him senseless for being so soppy, but he had to admit he liked it.

He’d never imagined himself as the type of person to be these soppy and - well, in love. Aaron knew he loved Robert, knew he felt the same as the other boy, but he hadn’t found the right opportunity to say it yet.

Maybe today.

Aaron lifted an arm, wincing as he realised it was very noticeable that he hadn't showered since his stint at the vet’s surgery.

Shower first, think about how he was going to tell his boyfriend he loved him later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron barely let Robert say hello before he was kissing him, the week he’d had to go without so much as seeing Robert catching up to him. He liked kissing his boyfriend, okay? Sue him.

Robert hooked an arm around Aaron’s waist, holding him close as they snogged on the front porch of Aaron’s house, the old biddy living next door getting a complete eyeful as Robert decided it was the appropriate place to try and shove a hand down the back of Aaron’s trousers.

“Miss me?” he smirked, all blond hair and bright blue eyes, everything Aaron so desperately loved.

“Jeremy Kyle was boring today,” Aaron shrugged in response, tugging Robert into the hallway, raising an eyebrow at the backpack Robert was shouldering. “You planning on staying a while?”

Robert waggled his eyebrows. “Needed supplies, didn’t we?” he joked. “Nah, Victoria made banana bread this morning, she forced me to bring some with me. She’s way too excited to meet you at the wedding.”

“Aw, that’s nice, your little sister is in love with me,” Aaron grinned, tugging Robert toward the stairs. “Bed now, banana bread later.”

Robert grinned. “I’m fine with that - the bed with, the not my little sister being in love with you thing,” he said. “She’s never actually allowed to have a boyfriend, it’s the only thing me and Andy actually agree on.”

“Are we going to keep talking about your brother and sister, or are you going to shut up and kiss me?” Aaron tugged on Robert’s belt, leading him into his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him, ridiculously glad he’d taken the childish car patterned covers his mum had shoved on his bed off, replacing them with a plain navy blue.

“I think I’d rather kiss you,” Robert replied, dumping his backpack carelessly on the floor, leaning in to press his lips to Aaron’s. Aaron was always happy to let Robert take the lead, melting into his boyfriends arms as Robert cupped the back of his head, keeping him close.

Robert was a great kisser.

Ok, so maybe Aaron hadn’t kissed that many people in his life. There had been Emma, at school, before he’d come out, and then Jackson - and Ed. Three wasn’t a crazy number, but enough to know Robert was bloody talented with his lips.

The way his body always reacted told him that much.

Smoothing his hands over Robert’s waist, grinning as it elicited the reaction he wanted, a shiver running down his boyfriend’s spine. “I’ve missed this,” he admitted, guiding Robert toward his bed.

Robert plonked himself down on the mattress with the least amount of grace possible, grinning up at Aaron. “I always miss this,” he said, kicking off his shoes before he pulled Aaron down on top of him, kissing the breath right out of him.

Aaron shifted so he was straddling Robert’s waist properly, the position giving him the room he needed to tug Robert’s thin jumper over his head, the vast expanse of pale skin under his fingertips making his mouth water.

The work Robert was doing on the farm was showing, Aaron decided, his boyfriends shoulders tense under his touch, muscles more defined than they had been a few weeks previously.

Aaron dipped his head to capture Robert’s lips in a kiss, catching his fingers between his own, pushing Robert’s hands up over his head. “Am I in charge today then?” he inquired with a grin as Robert lay, pliant and willing.

He wasn’t normally like this in bed, the Robert he knew passionate, and possessive, and always in control. Aaron liked that, liked that Robert was so able to pull him apart at the seams and reduce him to a quivering mess.

“If you’d like,” Robert said, cheeks flushed as he spoke. He looked nervous, as though he was about to ask Aaron something absolutely terrifying. “I’ve never bottomed, you know.”

“No?” Aaron had never really been too interested in asking, if he was honest.

Robert shook his head, keeping a steadying hand on Aaron’s back as he struggled into a sitting position, Aaron shifting to accommodate his movement, moving so his arms were slung around Robert’s neck.

“It’s not like you have to,” Aaron said, running comforting fingers through Robert’s hair.

“I’d like to though,” Robert admitted, looking shy for the first time in his life. “I just - I, I don’t really want to make a big deal of it, I guess.”  
“It is a big deal though,” Aaron’s brow furrowed, thinking of his first time with Jackson, how utterly terrified he'd been, how he’d been so wound up, so tense, they’d ended up talking for the better part of an hour before they actually did anything.

“It’s not as though I’m some blushing virgin, Aaron,” Robert rolled his eyes. “I’ve had sex before. A lot of sex.”

“Well aware,” Aaron snorted, pausing mid-sentence to kiss Robert softly, the embrace slow and languid. They had time, he decided, there wasn't any need to rush this. “I cried, my first time.”

A brief look of terror flashed across Robert’s face. “You what?”

“It felt good,” Aaron shrugged, thinking back to how embarrassed he’d been at his own tears, burying his face into his pillow as Jackson had pressed featherlight kisses to his shoulder. “I didn’t want to like it.”

“Because you didn’t want to be gay?”

Aaron nodded. “I get not wanting to make a big deal of it,” he said, voice quiet. “It makes it feel scarier, right? But it still matters.”

“I guess that’s why I told you,” Robert said, thumbs digging into Aaron’s hips. “I trust you. I love you. I want to do this with you.”

I love you.

Robert said it as though it was the easiest thing in the world to say, like it was as normal as breathing. Aaron wished he could be like that, that he could just say I love you whenever he wanted to, that he could say it at all.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Aaron mightn’t be able to say it with words, but he could say it with his hands, his lips. He could say it in the way he took Robert apart, piece by piece, reducing his normally stoic and very in control boyfriend to a quivering wreck, Robert shoving his head back into Aaron’s pillows, his breath coming in pants and broken moans.

“You ready?”

Robert lifted his head slightly, giving Aaron his best death glare. “If you don’t get on with it, I’m going to murder you.”

Aaron snorted, reaching for the discarded box of condoms next to them. He’d taken his time, doing his very best to drive Robert absolutely insane, and well - it had worked. Robert was as relaxed as he’d ever be, and Aaron was more turned on then he ever had been in his life.

Win-win, really.

“Breathe out, yeah?”

Robert laughed, pulling Aaron in for a kiss. “I’m not going to break in half, Aaron,” he reassured, Aaron comfortable settled in the wide splay of his legs.

“I just want it to feel good for you,” Aaron said, brushing a thumb across Robert’s hip, slowly starting to push in.

“Holy - fuck me,” Robert’s eyes were wide, cheeks burning red. “Has your dick always been this big?”

Aaron smothered his own laughter by kissing Robert, slowly rocking his hips into the other man, trying to give him the chance to get used to the feeling. “Bigger than yours, innit?”

Robert rolled his eyes, hooking a leg around Aaron’s waist, skin warm against Aaron’s. “Is now the time for a dick measuring contest?”

Aaron grinned. He liked this, liked that they could tease each other, and take the piss, even in their more serious moments. “It’s always a good time for a dick measuring contest,” he joked, trying to hold himself still while Robert adjusted.

The wince that had appeared on his face initially had disappeared, at least.

“You can move,” Robert said quietly, fingers knotted in the hair at the back of Aaron’s neck, grown out enough now that Robert could actually get a grip on it, keeping Aaron’s mouth close to his.

Aaron took it slow, took it slower than he probably ever had, determined to make it as unforgettable for Robert as he could, determined to pour the love he didn’t have the words for into his every touch, every kiss, every moment.

He’d never willingly use a cliché phrase like making love, not if you paid him money, but something felt different, more special, somehow, the sort of moment Aaron wanted to remember and immortalise forever.

Robert was barely able to catch his breath as Aaron moved, his orgasm overwhelming him, the blond going stiff in Aaron’s arms as he came, hand moving over his own dick in stuttered movements.

“I love you,” he hiccuped out, face buried in Aaron’s neck, legs tightly hooked around Aaron’s back, the position so completely unfamiliar to the two of them - unfamiliar, but good, great, even.

Amazing, really.

Aaron captured Robert’s lips in a kiss as his hips slowed to a standstill, his orgasm barely coming a few seconds after Robert’s.

I love you too.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

(He just didn’t know how to say it aloud yet.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked, nudging Robert with his foot. They were sitting in the kitchen, digging into the banana bread Victoria had made, mugs of coffee on hand.

(It was either coffee, or his mum’s crap red wine, and Aaron didn’t much fancy Robert getting dressed and leaving the house any time soon.)

Robert nodded, thoughtfully chewing a mouthful of the cake. “It was good,” he confirmed, hair perfectly ruffled, his t-shirt and boxers combination somehow mouthwatering.

(Everything about Robert, every version of him, turned Aaron on.)

“You can tell me if you’re not, you know.”

“Aaron,” Robert scooted closer, giving him a reassuring smile. “It was amazing, yeah? I’m pretty sure getting fucked by you has helped me find God, it was that good.”

Aaron snorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot who just had one of the best orgasms of his life, and is definitely angling for another one when you're up for it,” Robert grinned, leaning in to press a banana flavoured kiss to Aaron’s mouth.

“Aaron, love - I’m home, it was quiet so I knocked off early - oh, Robert!” Chas arrived like a whirlwind into the kitchen, carrying a plastic bag of takeaway with her. “I didn’t know you were calling around today.”

Aaron wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, he decided, watching as Chas fussed around the kitchen, doing her best not to acknowledge the two of them were sitting in their boxers, and had very clearly just had sex.

This was one of the many situations Aaron really didn’t want his mother to be a part of.

“Are you staying tonight Robert?” Chas asked, glancing at the clock. “It’s a bit late, to drive all the way home.”

Robert shot him a panicked look. “I mean, if that’s okay - y-yeah?” he sounded unsure of himself.

“I’m under no illusions about what the two of you get up to,” Chas said, clattering with plates and cutlery. “Chinese do you?”

“Sounds great,” Robert forced his brightest smile. “I’m just going to uh. Get some trousers.”

Yup.

If the ground could open up there and then, and just swallow him whole, Aaron would really appreciate it.

“Aaron, love.”

Aaron had nearly made it out of the kitchen after Robert, but his mum clearly had other ideas. “Yeah?” he winced, dreading what she was liable to say.

“I know you’re not a kid anymore, and you’re going to have sex -“

“Mum!”

“But I want to be sure you’re being safe, love,” Chas continued firmly, ignoring his protests.

“It’s not like either of us can get pregnant, mum,” Aaron muttered, scuffing his bare feet along the kitchen tiles.

Chas fixed him with a look. Another one of her looks. “You now what I’m talking about, Aaron.”

Aaron swallowed uncomfortably. “We’re being safe, mum.”

Chas looked as though she was relieved that particular topic of conversation was over too. “You two are really smitten with each other, aren’t you?” she teased. “I bet he was on his way before I even went to work.”

“I hate you,” Aaron responded brightly, padding toward the stairs, where Robert was waiting, a smug look on his face.

“Making sure we’ve got no unwanted pregnancies on our hands, yeah?” he joked, looking altogether too pleased with himself. Robert, he’d discovered fairly on in their relationship, had very little shame.

Aaron narrowed his eyes, giving Robert a firm smack on the arse, enjoying the shocked wince that appeared on his face, Robert clearly still feeling the after effects of their antics. “Serves you right,” he laughed. “Hurry up before she eats all the spring rolls herself.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your mum is nice,” Robert said quietly, curled in close to Aaron’s chest, breathing slow, and even. Aaron liked this, like to be able to hold Robert close, feel as though he was protecting the older boy.

From what, he wasn't so sure, but Aaron sometimes felt as though Robert hadn’t had enough of that in his life.

Aaron thought of all the years he’d taken to have a relationship with Chas, all those years he'd felt abandoned and alone. “She hasn’t always been,” he admitted, thumb rubbing slow circles on the bare skin of Robert’s shoulder.

“She is now though,” Robert said, stifling a yawn. “That’s what counts, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” Aaron wasn’t so sure.

“I wish I still had a mum,” Robert said, honest when he was sleepy, open in a way he usually wasn’t.

“Do you miss her?”

“Every single day,” Robert admitted, burrowing closer into Aaron’s chest. “I think she was the only person who ever really believed in me.”

“I believe in you,” Aaron said, maybe a little too quickly. “I know - I know I’m not your mum, or anything, but I do believe in you.”

Robert pressed a kiss to his clothed kiss, mumbling a thank you.

“I know I’m not very good at this sort of thing,” he said, figuring the quiet, the darkness was a good place to try and admit all the things he never normally could, to try and tell Robert how he felt. “But I do care, you know. More than - more than I can say, really.”

“I know you do.”

“You do?”

“Course,” Robert held onto him a little tighter. “I know you, don't I? I always know, even if you don’t say it.”

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Why couldn't he just say it?

“I love you,” Robert said quietly, sounding as though he was halfway to sleep. “I don’t need to hear it. I just like saying it.”

Aaron pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I like hearing it.”

(Maybe summer didn’t have to be so boring after all.)

(Not when he had his gorgeous boyfriend in his bed, wrapped up in him like there was nowhere else in the world he wanted to be.)

(There wasn’t, Aaron decided. This, with Robert, was the only place he wanted to be.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron would be lying if he said he was looking forward to Andy’s wedding. From what little he knew about Robert and his brother, they didn’t have a great relationship, and he didn’t fancy getting caught up in the middle of a fight between them.

His panic about the wedding and the few days ahead subsided though, as he got off the bus in Emmerdale and saw Robert waiting by his car, wearing a white shirt that only served to make his hair look blonder and his eyes bluer.

Grinning, Aaron crossed the road and let Robert pull him in for a kiss, happy to see him. It’s not like there was much distance between Leeds and Emmerdale, but between Aaron working, and Robert was pretending to pull his weight on the farm, it had been two weeks since they’d last seen each other, and they’d only managed to see each other a handful of times before that.

Aaron missed him so much it ached sometimes, made him long for September when he could get to see Robert every single morning.

“I’ve missed you,” Robert murmured as they broke apart, his hands tight on Aaron’s waist.

Aaron kissed him again, conveying all the things he always struggled to find the words for in his embrace. “So this is Emmerdale then?”

“The one and only,” Robert glanced over his shoulder, a look of distain on his face. “We’ve got a pub, a shop, a garage, and a B&B, it’s very exciting.”

Aaron snorted. “No need for a grand tour then, is there?”

Robert shook his head. “I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that I’m to bring you straight back to ours for lunch,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Victoria is adamant that we’re all going to have a good time this week.”

“You can’t blame her for trying, can you?” Aaron pointed out, tossing his gear in the backseat of Robert’s car, ignoring the wince on Robert’s face as he unceremoniously shoved his suit bag into the footwell, not caring in the slightest.

(Robert would iron it again, either way.)

“No, I can’t.” Robert agreed, sliding behind the wheel of his car, slotting the keys into the ignition. He always looked so good like this, sunglasses on and his hands on the steering wheel. “It’s Katie thats doing my head in at the moment, she’s determined to make me start something and piss Andy off this week.”

“Why?”

“Because she hates me,” Robert said, as if it were obvious. “Anyway, you’re here now, and you’ll keep me sane for the week!”

“I’m your boyfriend mate, not your keeper.”

“Can you see how it’s weird to call me mate and boyfriend in the same sentence?” Robert teased, driving out of the village and through the countryside, green fields rolling past alongside them. “I just meant that I can spend all my time with you and not Katie and Andy.”

“Maybe I’ll want to hang out with Katie and Andy.” Aaron teased, knowing it was a sensitive subject with Robert and wanting to make light of it a little. There was no use in getting completely bogged down by family drama, was there?

“Yeah, alright,” Robert rolled his eyes, pulling up outside a farmhouse, parking his car next to a mud-covered Jeep.

Aaron had never been on a farm in his life, if he was being honest about it. He’d been born in York, and moved in with his mum in Leeds when he was fourteen, and all he’d ever known was city life.

Robert’s life in Emmerdale was a million miles from everything he was used to. Aaron could actually hear animals as he got out of the car, and he couldn’t help the grin on his face as a shaggy old sheepdog bounded up to him.

He crouched down, patting the delighted dog on the head. “Hiya boy,” he greeted, earning himself a lick on the chin from the dog.

“Girl,” Robert corrected, Aaron’s bag in hand. “That’s Rosie.”

“Very human name for a dog,” Aaron commented, still messing with the dog. Rosie seemed delighted to have a new person on the farm, happily slobbering all over Aaron’s hands and face.

“Victoria named her when she was a kid, it just sort of stuck. She’s about a million years old and spends most of her time trying to sleep in my bed, don’t you girl?”

Rosie looked over at Robert’s words, barking excitedly at him.

“Come on, let’s get this meet the family stuff over with,” Robert said, jerking his head toward the open backdoor of the house.

Aaron nodded, letting Robert keep hold of his bag as they walked inside. It instantly felt homely, the smell of food overwhelming, the radio on in the background, a girl Aaron assumed was Victoria sitting at the kitchen table, chattering excitedly to a n older woman he guessed was Diane.

“Robert! You’re back,” Victoria stood up, looking at Aaron, her curiosity clear. “You must be Aaron, I’m Vic. Welcome to Emmerdale!”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Aaron offered. “Robert talks about you a lot.”

“All lies, I promise,” Victoria laughed, giving him a quick hug. “Did you get here alright?”

“Vic here, is a right mother when she wants to be,” Robert rolled his eyes at his sister’s excitement. “This is my step-mum, Diane. Diane, this is Aaron.”  
“It’s nice to meet you Aaron,” Diane greeted him with a bright smile and a kiss on the cheek. “I hope you’re hungry, Vic here has made enough to feed a small army!”

“Starving,” Aaron reassured, sitting down at the kitchen table next to Victoria. He really was starving, and the smell of home-cooking had his stomach rumbling.

“Where did Andy and Katie get to then?” Robert asked, busying himself with the kettle. Aaron couldn’t help but notice that Robert was visibly nervous now, his shoulders stiff in a way they hadn’t been before.

He itched to just get up and hug him, but Aaron hadn’t had time to gauge how Robert might feel about PDA around his family just yet. Robert never pushed it with him, knowing Aaron wasn’t entirely comfortable with it around his family, so it would be unfair to just chance his arm.

“They’re up with the horses up at Home Farm, they’ll be back in a minute,” Diane explained.

“Thanks,” Aaron said gratefully as Robert passed him a cup of tea. Milk, two sugars, just how he liked it.

Before he could ask if Robert was alright, the door opened again, and two people Aaron guessed were Andy and Katie arrived. He'd known Andy was adopted, but it took a second for it to click with Aaron why the other man had dark brown hair, a stark contrast to the bright blonde of Robert and Victoria.

“You must be Aaron, good to meet you,” Andy stuck out a hand. He was dressed in a scruffy old shirt and trousers, setting a pair of boots caked in mud down by the door. Ever the farmers son, just like Robert had said.

Aaron nodded as he shook the other mans hand. “Andy, right?”

“Yeah,” Robert confirmed it for him, leaning against the kitchen counter, looking bored as anything. “My brother Andy, and his fiancé Katie.”

“Alright everyone, sit down - food is ready and Victoria will have a conniption if you don’t sit down and enjoy it,” Diane teased, setting dishes down on the kitchen table with Victoria’s help. “Aaron, love, is there anything you don’t like? I should have had Robert ask you.”  
“No, I’ll go for anything,” Aaron reassured, only barely catching Katie’s sarky comment as Diane clattered around the kitchen.

“Well, he is with Robert, so he’s clearly not fussed.”

Aaron’s grip on his cup of tea tightened, but he kept his mouth shut as Robert shot him a warning look. He wasn’t going to start a fight with Robert’s family in his first ten minutes of being at their house, was he?

“So, what is it that you study Aaron?” Andy asked, tucking into a plate of food.

“Business studies,” Aaron said. “I help out at my uncles garage a lot, figured it was the best route to go down, know how to run the business or something one day.”

“You a car man then?”

Aaron nodded. “I don’t have one of my own, but yeah.”

“Robert loves his car,” Victoria piped up, flipping her braids over her shoulder. “I think he loves it more than he loves us!”

“That’s because it takes him away from us, eh, Vic?” Katie plastered a smile across her face, but there was definitely a hint of bitterness behind her words.

“Katie,” Andy shot his fiancé a warning look.

“No, it’s fine Andy, let her make all the comments she wants.” Robert stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork, keeping a smile fixed on his face. “It’s not like it bothers me, it’s her own problem if she wants to act like a child.”

Victoria looked at Aaron, clearly desperate to move the conversation along. “How did you and Robert meet then?”

“Uh, the first day of university actually,” Aaron said. “I got lost, and he offered to show me where my class was on. Kind of went from there, really.”

“I didn’t realise you two were together that long!” Victoria exclaimed, genuinely interested in them, in their relationship. It was sweet, really - Liv had heard he had a boyfriend, and just shrugged. “That’s so romantic, meeting on the first day.”

“It wasn’t really serious at the start.” Aaron shrugged, glancing across the table at Robert, smiling slightly as they caught each other’s eye. “Yeah, Rob is definitely one for romance.”

“Lies.” Robert joked. “Aaron’s the soppy one.”

“What made you decide to try a bloke this time, then Robert?” Katie asked, an innocent look on her face.

Robert’s face instantly fell, and Aaron could sense he was about ten seconds from an outburst.

“Why’s that any of your business?” Aaron couldn’t hold it back, his tone harsh as he looked at Katie.

“You should know what you’re getting into with him, Aaron,” Katie said, as if she was doing him a favour. “He’s never been faithful to a woman in his life, and this is clearly just a fun new phase for him.”  
“I’m bisexual, Katie,” Robert growled, standing up, cheeks red with anger. “When are you going to get that through your thick skull?”

“Robert, sit down and eat your lunch,” Diane tried to restore a bit of calm to the table.

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to her be an ignorant bitch.” Robert snapped back, heading for the door, slamming it behind him with a face that shook the entire house, leaving everyone else sitting in a shocked silence.

Aaron sat in silence for a few seconds before he got up, turning to follow Robert. He paused for a second, looking at Katie. “It’s not easy, bringing a boyfriend home for the first time,” he said quietly, his dislike clear. “You could at least try to not be a cow about it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“That was dramatic,” Aaron commented, crossing the field to where Robert was standing, leaning on a fence, arms folded across his chest, a mixture of fury and upset on his face. “I wasn’t really expecting that welcome.”

Robert stood, shoulders hunched as he looked across the countryside in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, you’re not the one who went off on one, were ya?” Aaron shrugged, leaning against the fence, looking at Robert. “That Katie one is a lot, isn’t she? I called her a cow by the way.”

“Thanks,” Robert gave him slightly tearful grin, wiping roughly at his cheeks. “It - her making these snide comments all the time does my head in,” he admitted. “It - it was bad enough that my dad didn’t believe me, when I came out, said I was - said I was just faffing about, looking for attention.”

“Robert,” Aaron’s heart ached as Robert admitted the most he had done about Jack, since February, since the anniversary. It was never going to be a subject he found easy to talk about, and every time he managed to actually say something about Jack, Aaron just wanted to fix it.

He couldn’t, of course he couldn’t, Robert’s father was dead, but it didn’t stop Aaron’s heart aching for him.

“It’s okay,” Robert shook off his concern. “I got over it, you know? Because - because I still came out, even though I knew he’d hate me for it. I didn’t want to live a lie, and I just, I need the family I do have left to just be okay with it.”

Aaron stepped into Robert’s personal space, putting his hands on his waist. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “Your sexuality is a part of ya, your family should just be okay with it.”

Robert was quiet for a few seconds, taking deep, shaky breaths. “I think - I think Katie’s so mad about it because there’s history there, with me and her.”  
“I guessed as much,” Aaron admitted, waiting for Robert to continue. He wasn’t an idiot, and he could spot someone being homophobic for the sake of it a mile away - it definitely felt like more, with Katie.

“I was in love with her,” Robert said quietly. “First person I ever loved, our Katie. We were carrying on behind Andy’s back for a while, but she chose Andy in the end. Everyone always choses Andy.”

Aaron felt his heart break as he heard the complete defeat in Robert’s voice, the disappointment. “I wouldn’t chose anyone over you,” he said quietly.

“You don’t know Andy. I’m sure you’ll prefer him by the end of the week.”

“Robert.” Aaron said, his voice firm. “I love you.”

Robert’s eyes widened as he looked at Aaron. “You mean that?” he said, his voice quiet.

“I mean it.” Aaron nodded. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. I just didn’t know how, I suppose. But yeah, I love you. I wouldn’t chose anyone over you, least of all Andy.”

There was a real, genuine smile on Robert’s face now as he leaned over to kiss Aaron, Aaron trying to pour all the things he never had the words for into the kiss. He did, he loved Robert.

It was scary, but there had been such an odd sense of relief washing over him as he finally told Robert how he felt.

He loved him.

He’d known he loved him for so long, that finally admitting it aloud felt freeing.

Aaron Dingle was madly, absolutely in love with Robert Sugden, and it felt good.

Robert looped his arms around Aaron’s waist, pulling him close. “I hate that the house is full of people,” he murmured, his lips close to Aaron’s mouth. “I want you.”  
“You’ve got barns, haven’t ya?” Aaron smirked, reaching into his pocket and producing a packet of lube and a condom. “I thought we could waste a few hours and I could send ya back to Andy and Katie with a hickey on your neck and really piss them off.”

“I love you,” Robert took the packets from him, grabbing Aaron’s hand and dragging him across the field. “Aaron Dingle, I love you so bloody much.”

Aaron couldn’t help the grin on his face as he replied. “I love you too. Now get your arse in one of those barns, Rob.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where have you two been?” Diane demanded, looking between Aaron and Robert. “Honestly, Robert, I thought you’d decided to run off or something.”

“Sorry Diane, wanted to show Aaron all the wonderful sights of Emmerdale farm,” Robert said, winking at Aaron as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “Have to make sure this city lad gets the full experience and all that.”

“Does the full experience involve a roll around in the hay?” Katie smirked, picking at a stray piece of hay on Robert’s back.

“Of course,” Robert didn’t rise to her teasing, Aaron pressed against his side. They'd talked, figured out how Robert felt about PDA around his family, and Robert had decided he’d rather Aaron was near, that he could hold him close if he wanted to. Aaron was happy to be completely glued to his boyfriend’s side, the two of them against the world as Robert glared at Katie. “Am I getting an apology then?”

Katie raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For you ruining lunch by insulting my sexuality.”

“Robert, you being bisexual is still new for all of us,” Diane said, trying to play peacemaker. “Katie just needs to get used to it, alright?”  
“It’s not alright though, is it?” Aaron piped up. “There’s no need to say what she said. That’s just being a bitch for being the sake of a bitch.”

“You don’t know me, Aaron -“ Katie began.

“No, but I know him,” Aaron interrupted sweetly. “He didn’t say a cross word to you before you decided to go off on one. Seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it?”

“She’s sorry,” Andy interjected. “Aren’t you Katie?”

Katie gave a reluctant nod.

“Let’s start over then, eh?” Andy smiled brightly. “You want a can lads?”

“Nope,” Robert shook his head. “I’m going upstairs with Aaron for a while. He’s very tired, you know, all that travelling.”

He didn’t wait for anyone to respond before he dragged Aaron toward the stairs, Aaron grabbing his bag as they walked past it, the two of them stumbling up the stairs, refusing to let go of each others hands.

“There’s no way you’re ready to go again,” Aaron said, incredulous as Robert pinned him against his bedroom door, dropping his garbage to the floor with an almighty clatter.

“No, ‘m not,” Robert mumbled, his eyes bright as he pressed kisses to Aaron’s jawline, the genuine love, and affection in his eyes making Aaron’s heart melt in his chest. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For what?”

“Standing up for me. Being on my side,” Robert shrugged, not quite looking at Aaron as he spoke. “No one is ever on my side when it comes to Andy and Katie.”

“Katie seems like a cow.”

“She is, sometimes,” Robert said. “I did used to love her though, until she chose Andy over me.”

“I told you, I wouldn’t chose anyone over you,” Aaron looped his arms around Robert’s neck, pulling him in for a proper kiss. “I love you.”

It was easier to say it this time, the words no longer feeling strange, or foreign in his mouth.

Robert’s face lit up as he heard it. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron found himself sitting at the kitchen table, wedged between Victoria and Katie as they made some kind of flower arrangement for the wedding the next day, desperately wishing Robert would hurry up and come back, and save him from the mountain of white flowers and pink ribbon he’d found himself surrounded by.

“I think you’re good for Robert,” Victoria commented, nimble fingers tying a neat bow. “I’ve never seen him as happy as he has been these past few months, you know? I think that’s down to you.”

Aaron looked at her, somewhat surprised. “Yeah.”

“I don’t say that to sound like a pushy little sister or anything,” Victoria smiled brightly at him, wrapping a piece of white ribbon around her fingers, about as interested in making the flower arrangements as he was. “I want to see Robert happy, you know?”

“We’re happy,” Aaron reassured, not wanting to go into too much detail with Katie sitting next to him. He wouldn’t mind, chatting to Victoria about him and Robert, but he wasn’t much of a fan of Robert’s future sister-in-law.

“Vic? Can you get some more of this ribbon, I’ve left it in the sitting room.”

Aaron glanced over at Katie as Victoria left the room, the woman clearly itching to say something. “Have you got a problem with me or something?” he asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“You should know what you’re getting into with Robert. He’s a cheat, Aaron, and he’s only going to end up breaking your heart in the long run.”  
Aaron snorted. “I know you were carrying on with him behind his brothers back, if that’s what you mean. You’re hardly the picture of innocence, are ya?”

“Whatever he’s told you, I’m sure he hasn't been entirely honest.”

“I trust him,” Aaron said. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I trust him completely. You know, it’s really strange that you’ve got this vendetta against him, considering you’re getting married tomorrow. Do you still love him or something?”

Katie looked genuinely offended. “No, of course not!”

“Then why are you so obsessed with commenting on his relationship with me?” Aaron smirked, knowing he’d hit a nerve. “It makes you look a bit jealous, you know.”

“You have no right to say that.”

“And you have no right to comment on my relationship with Robert, trying to warn me off, as if he’s the only person in the world who’s been in love with someone who was in a relationship,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “I’d give up this whole thing before tomorrow if I were you, Katie, because if you ask me, it looks like Robert is the brother you’re desperate to marry and, well - he’s my boyfriend, isn’t he?”

Katie fixed him with a stony gaze, but Victoria retuned before she could say anything.

“Everyone alright?” Victoria asked brightly.

“Everything’s alright,” Aaron confirmed. “I was just telling Katie everything looks great, I’m really looking forward to tomorrow,” he lied, leaning back in his chair. “A barn wedding is nice. Lots to do though, right?”

“It’s very DIY,” Victoria confirmed, settling herself back into her chair, clearly unaware of any new tension between him and Katie. “I feel like I’ve been making centrepieces for days.”

“Sorry I haven’t been more help,” Aaron offered. “I’m not very good with my hands.”

“What? You’re great with your hands, Dingle.” Robert smirked, arriving in the kitchen, Andy in tow.

Aaron had to take a second to compose himself as he looked at Robert, the overalls he was wearing tied at the waist, a grey t-shirt tight against his chest. His hair was pushed back off his face, sweaty and gel free, and Aaron was suddenly desperate to get Robert alone and peel those overalls off him bit by bit, get his mouth on  every single inch of Robert’s body.

“Little sister in the room Robert, please,” Victoria rolled her eyes, scrunching up her nose in disgust, making Aaron laugh.

“I’m going for a shower.” Robert said. “You don’t need my help anymore, do you Andy?”

Andy shook his head. “I’ll sort the last of it.”

Aaron watched as Robert headed for the stairs, lasting another ten seconds at the kitchen table with the girls before he got up, mumbling an excuse before following Robert, who was halfway in the door of the bathroom.

Aaron held out a hand to stop the door before Robert could close it, a confused look on his boyfriends face.

“You alright? Katie not doing your head in too - mfph!”

Aaron cut him off with a kiss, pressing his lips to Robert’s desperately. “I want you,” he breathed, hands already underneath Robert’s t-shirt, Robert’s skin clammy and warm under his fingertips.

“Everyone’s downstairs.”

“You hardly care,” Aaron rolled his eyes, grazing his teeth against Robert’s collarbone, something he discovered recently made Robert completely weak at the knees.

It got the desired reaction, Robert’s eyes darkening as he shoved the bathroom door shut, sliding the lock shut.

“We’ve got to be quick,” he warned, turning the shower on, cold water sputtering out for a few seconds before it heated up.

Aaron grinned, already pulling his hoodie off. “Better put those hands of mine to use then, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Whats gotten into you?” Robert asked as they got dressed, safe in the confines of Robert’s room for a few minutes yet. Aaron’s clothes had gotten soaked, a leak in the shower door Robert hadn’t warned him about making them completely sodden.

“The overalls,” Aaron admitted, a flush rising in his cheeks.

“Remind me to bring those back to uni in September then,” Robert grinned, pulling Aaron in by the strings of his hoodie. “I’m so glad you’re here. This wedding would have been insufferable otherwise.”

Aaron shrugged. “It’s been good to see ya properly again, for more than just a few hours.”

“I know what you mean. Its weird to go from seeing each other everyday at uni to just… not,” Robert pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “We’d better go down, Andy’s dragging us to the pub for his stag do.”

“Who’s his best man again?” 

“Technically me,” Robert grimaced, looking as though he’d rather be doing just about anything else at the wedding. “It was a peace offering. I think his mate Dan’s organised this though, so it’ll probably be a disaster.”

“As long as there’s a couple of pints involved, I’ll deal,” Aaron stopped Robert before he could leave the room. “There’s nothing you’re not telling me about you and Katie, is there? Because she was on my case about you again, telling me all sorts.”

Robert sighed. “I told you everything, I promise. I wanted her to chose me, you know? I wanted her to want me the way I wanted her, but she chose Andy in the end. Dad wanted her to chose Andy, he found out about it.”

Aaron nodded. “Okay.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Robert’s brow was furrowed, hurt clear on his face.

“I do. Completely,” Aaron shook his head, heading for the stairs. “I was just curious, she seems really adamant that you’re a cheat. I don’t know, she’s way too hung up on you for someone who’s getting married tomorrow.”

“Good thing I wouldn’t want her if she was the last person on planet earth then,” Robert slung an arm around Aaron’s shoulder as they walked into the living room, Katie and Andy sitting at the kitchen table.

“You could make it less obvious by coming down in the same clothes you went upstairs in,” Katie commented, sipping a glass of wine. She was clearly getting ready to head out herself, makeup done, her hair falling in a perfectly straight curtain over her shoulders.

“I’ve got nothing to hide,” Robert grinned, tugging Aaron close, keeping a tight hold of his hand. “We off then? The great metropolis that is Emmerdale awaits us.”

Andy nodded, giving them both a half hearted grin. “Let’s go.”

“No fighting, please!” Victoria called, bounding into the kitchen, her hair half done. “If Diane gets a call about someone having to break you two apart, she’ll murder you both.”

“I’ll keep him under control Vic, don’t worry.” Aaron grinned, giving Robert’s hand a reassuring squeeze. He’d promised, promised he’d keep Robert distracted if he and Andy tried to kick off, promised he’d be Robert’s entertainment for the evening.  
“This is why I like you Aaron!”

“Stop siding with my little sister,” Robert pinched the skin of Aaron’s hip with his free hand as they followed Andy outside, the late evening sun bright.

Aaron grinned, bumping their shoulders together, Robert letting go of his hand, slinging his arm around Aaron’s shoulders instead. “You know you’re my favourite.”

“I better be.”

“I wasn’t wrong, was I?” Robert said, watching as Aaron attempted to fix his tie, making a mess of the dark red number he’d borrowed last minute from Paddy. “You look good in a suit.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me see you in a suit sooner, if I’m honest,” Robert commented, crossing the room in a few short steps so he could fix Aaron’s tie, deftly knotting it with a practised ease.

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “When would I wear a suit at uni?”

“You could have come to the science ball with me!” Robert retorted, bringing up an argument they’d spent weeks having. Robert had been determined to convince Aaron to come to the annual science ball with him, and the more he pushed, the more Aaron had dug his heels in.

They were as stubborn as each other, sometimes."

“I stand by what I said about that.”

“That you’d rather rip your own face off than spend an entire night with all the dickheads in my course?”

“Yup,” Aaron grinned. “You ready then?”

“I’d rather stay here and get you out of that suit, if I’m honest,” Robert said, his hands sliding from where they'd settled on Aaron’s waist to cup his ass. “Or better yet, leave the suit on when I fuck you.”

“I can see a lot of problems with that fantasy, but mainly that your brother is getting married in twenty minutes and you’re the best man,” Aaron said firmly, gripping Robert’s wrists and moving his hands away.

“You’re no fun,” Robert pouted, he honest to God pouted.

“I promise ya, you can do whatever you want to me later,” Aaron said, rolling his eyes at Robert’s enthusiastic facial expression. “As long as you play nice all day.”

“Did Vic ask you to say that?” Robert raised an eyebrow, straightening his tie. Grey suits, and pink ties, a horrific combination, Robert had exclaimed, grumbling the entire time he’d spent putting the suit on.

Aaron didn’t think he looked half bad.

“Yup. I do have my ways of controlling you.”

“By bribing me with sex?”

Aaron grinned. “Don’t knock it if it works, Sugden.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wedding had gone surprisingly well. Robert had been on his best behaviour, biting his tongue at every sarky comment that Katie let slip, to the point where she’d eventually gotten bored of trying to get a rise out of him, and actually focused on her own bloody wedding day.

Aaron was in Vic’s good books, Robert’s little sister putting Robert’s uncharacteristically calm demeanour down to him.

Aaron would take the credit.

Swigging back the last of his beer, Aaron watched as Robert finally managed to detangle himself from his aunt Val, making his way over to the corner Aaron was hiding in.

Diane had already tried to make him dance with her, and Aaron didn’t dance, thank you very much.

“Are you going to sit here like a lamp all night, or are you going to dance with me then?” Robert grinned. He’d long since abandoned his jacket, his shirt rolled up to his elbows.

He looked good.

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Do you honestly think you’re going to get me to dance?”

“Well, it’s a wedding, and you’re my boyfriend, so yeah, I do think we’re going to dance,” Robert held out a hand. “Come on, just one dance.”

“How about I sit here and drink my beer and not dance?” Aaron countered, keeping his feet firmly planted on the ground. He wasn’t sure he’d ever actually danced in his life, always lingering at the edges of the dancefloor in nightclubs.

“Or, you have one dance with me, and then we sneak off and have a proper snog around the back of the village hall,” Robert countered, still holding out a hand, determination unwavering.

“If I dance, you owe me a lot more than a snog, Sugden.”

“Whatever you want,” Robert grinned, not in the least bit opposed to Aaron’s counter offer. “Come on, it’s a wedding, get into the spirit of it all.”

Aaron reluctantly got up, letting Robert pull him close to his chest. He wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist, the two of them swaying on the spot, Aaron feeling incredibly awkward as he realised Val and her husband were looking over, Robert’s aunt cooing very loudly about how good they looked together.

(They did look good together, Aaron knew that much. Victoria had taken a photo of the two of them, posing in their suits, and they fit, they looked damn good together.)

“Do you ever think about getting married?” Robert asked, his voice quiet.

“I never saw myself as marriage material,” Aaron admitted, pressing his chin into Robert’s shoulder, letting his boyfriend move them about, sway them left to right.

“Me neither,” Robert replied. “Never met the right person before now, I suppose.”

Aaron pulled back to look at Robert, eyes wide. “Are you saying you want to marry me?”  
“I’m saying I don’t want to be with anyone else, if that counts,” Robert shrugged, pressing a kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth.

“I don’t want to be with anyone else either,” Aaron was surprised by how easy it was to admit. A few I love yous, and all of a sudden, Aaron was planning an entire life with Robert.

It wasn’t as terrifying as it should have been.

“Alright then,” Robert smiled, a real, genuine smile that make Aaron’s heart practically explode out of his chest. “Let’s do this for real then, Dingle.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re eager to get going back to uni this morning, aren’t you?” Chas said teasingly as Aaron checked his watch for the millionth time, waiting for Robert to arrive with his car.

They’d decided they’d go back to Manchester together, Robert bringing his car with him this year again, especially now Victoria was going to be going to university with them.

Andy was going to drive Victoria down the next day for orientation, and Robert had convinced Aaron to move down a day early - an entire day they could spend together before their housemates descended and freshers week began.

“Shut up.” Aaron rolled his eyes.

“I’m just glad you’re happy, love.”

Aaron thought of the year ahead, the year he’d get to spend with Robert, and his mates. “Yeah,” he grinned at his mum, unable to hide his excitement. “I’m happy, mum.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a (slightly) shorter than usual update, but i hope the speediness of it makes up for that! thanks for all the wonderful feedback so far, you're wonderful humans.


	4. second year: i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for some homphobia, homophobic comments, and some biphobia. we went hard this chapter, apparently.

“It’s a year to the day since I swept you off your feet, you know,” Robert said as they walked along the footpath, strolling toward town. They both had a few hours off, and Robert had suggested proper lunch, away from the madness of Freshers.

“Swept me off my feet? Mate, you acted like a prick and still expected me to get into bed with you!”

“Eh, you  _did_  get into bed with me,” Robert flicked at his ear. “On more than one occasion actually.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Why am I with you again?”

“I’m the light of your life and I’m absolutely gorgeous?” Robert joked, knocking his elbow into Aaron’s side.

“More like you’ve got money and you’re going to buy me Nandos for lunch,” Aaron grinned, yanking at Robert’s sleeve and pulling him into the busy restaurant.

Robert wrinkled his nose, glancing at the familiar orange and red decor. “Nandos, really? Of all the  _infinite_  number of restaurants in Manchester city centre that could have picked, you want Nandos?”

“I like chicken!” Aaron shoved Robert into a seat before he could protest too much, dumping his backpack on the ground next to him. “Hows the first day of final year been anyway?”

“I’m already stressed,” Robert admitted, scanning the menu. “The final year project is going to be the worst bit of it, if I’m honest.”

Aaron grimaced, not wanting to think about the assignments that faced him this year, let alone the final year project he’d already hear whispers about them being required to do the next year. “That doesn’t sound like much fun.”

“No, it won’t be,” Robert shrugged. “What is going to be fun however, is getting to spend more time with you. I’ve really missed you, over the summer. You know that, yeah?”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. Robert had driven up to visit him on a weekly basis, or Aaron had bussed it down to Emmerdale, the two of them holed up in Robert’s room, or wandering the farm, avoiding Katie and Andy like the plague. “You saw a lot of me over the summer.”

“Yeah, but I see you every day at uni, it’s different,” Robert said, a sincere look on his face. “It’s different to getting to see you once a week, you know? I miss ya when I don’t see you every day.”

Aaron ducked his head, willing the blush that had appeared on his cheeks at Robert’s words to go away. Even now, so many months on from when they’d officially gotten together, he still wasn’t used to Robert being so open, and honest about how he felt about Aaron. “You know what you want?”

Robert grinned. “Nope, I’ll just order on a whim. You want the usual?”

“Please,” Aaron confirmed, watching as Robert got up to order their food, leaning against the counter. He allowed himself the chance to ogle Robert’s arse, his vantage point absolutely perfect.

He’d never do it if he thought Robert could see, his boyfriends ego was already big enough.

But he was, he was gorgeous.

Robert was wearing a ridiculous pair of jeans that seemed to have moulded themselves to the shape of his thighs, his arse, his thin jumper the brightest shade of blue, showing off the bright blond of his hair, his strikingly pale features.

Swallowing thickly, Aaron couldn’t help but wonder how quickly he could eat his dinner and get Robert back to a bed,  _any_  bed. It was funny, they’d been sleeping together for more than a year now, and Aaron still wanted him as much as he’d wanted Robert that first night.

Maybe even more, if he was honest.

Aaron directed his gaze back to his phone as Robert returned, carrying two glasses of coke. “Ta,” he grinned, taking a grateful sip of the ice-cold drink, having not realised how thirsty he was.

“You were checking out my arse.”

“I’d never,” Aaron feigned innocent

“Idiot,” Robert shoved at his shoulder, rolling his eyes. “You want to stay at mine tonight?”

Aaron nodded. “Your bed’s better than mine.”

“You fancy a lazy afternoon in bed then?” Robert asked with a wicked grin, his intentions clear as he rubbed his foot against Aaron’s ankle. “I don’t have any classes for the rest of the day. You’ve got a tutorial though, haven’t you?”

Aaron retuned the smirk. “I never go to my tutorials anyway.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We have to go out.”

Aaron rolled his eyes at Robert, who was lounging across his bed, a pleading look on his face as he tried to convince Aaron they needed to go out. Aaron had intended to get himself properly unpacked that day, but he’d only managed to half unpack so far, clothes spilling out of his suitcases, all over the floor, Robert the worst sort of distraction. “Why?”

“Because, Aaron, it’s freshers! I think it’s actually considered a mortal sin if you don’t go out at least once during freshers week,” Robert said, as if it were obvious. He looked ridiculous against the garishly bright blue and yellow bedding Chas had bought for him before he came back to uni.

“You’ve already been out.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t been out with you, have I?” Robert shrugged, as though it were obvious. “I was thinking we could go to the new club on the high street, Bex can get us on the guestlist.”

“Of course she can,” Aaron sighed, not finding the prospect of whatever  _ridiculous_  club Rebecca was involved with promoting that year too exciting.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “Whats that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I’m just not mad about clubbing, you know that,” Aaron spun slightly in his rickety desk chair, already feeling his resolve melt at Robert’s hopeful face. He’d never been able to refuse his boyfriend anything. “Pouting isn’t going to work,” he tried to say confidently.

Of course pouting was going to work.

Robert’s pouted even more, the expression ridiculous on his face, making him look so much younger, and sillier than the twenty two that he was. “ _Please_.”

Aaron sighed, relenting. “Fine, but you’re buying all the drinks.”

Robert grinned happily, pulling Aaron across the room by his ankle, the wheels of his desk chair clattering loudly over the wooden floor. “We’ve got a few hours until predrinks,” he pointed out.

Aaron feigned innocence. “Might as well get started on my assignment then, I suppose -  _Robert_!”

He couldn’t help but laugh as Robert grabbed him by the ankles, pulling him onto the bed, trying to get all Aaron’s ticklish spots at once. “Robert, stop -  _Robert_!”

“Not until you say you love me.”

Aaron snorted, trying to squirm away from Robert’s wandering hands. Robert finding out just how ticklish Aaron was had just resulted in Robert spending eighty percent of his time trying to tickle Aaron into submission. “Nope.”

“Oh, thats how you’re going to play it, is it?” Robert shoved his hands under Aaron’s t-shirt, his hands warm against Aaron’s skin, clever fingers finding every single ticklish spot, digging into Aaron’s sides.

Aaron couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly happy as Robert tickled him, laughing so hard he couldn’t manage to get any words out.

He’d never felt like this before.

Happy,  _settled_.

It was nice, it was  **good**.

He never wanted it to end, really - and as he pressed his lips to Robert’s in a laughter filled kiss, snorting into his boyfriends mouth, he caught sight of the adoring look in Robert’s eyes and decided he knew his boyfriend well enough to know that he didn’t want this to end either.

“I love you,” Aaron breathed against Robert’s skin, watching as goosepimples rose across Robert’s neck, his cheek, his wandering hands finally stilling.

Robert kissed him back eagerly, shifting so he was lying half on top of Aaron. “I love you too, Dingle.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Have you serious dragged me to a themed party?” Aaron raised an eyebrow as Robert shoved him into the nightclub, the place already heaving with people. The queue outside was about a mile long, too - there was no way there was enough room in the dingy club for anyone else, but there was people pouring in behind them still.

This is why he didn’t like clubbing. It was always too busy, too cramped - too hot.

“It’s my last freshers week, indulge me!”

Aaron tried his best to ignore the pang in his chest as Robert mentioned it was his final year, not wanting to think about how his boyfriend was finished at university at the end of the year. “I’m not wearing any glowsticks.”

Robert waved the bundle of brightly coloured neon sticks he'd gotten from one of the promoters, grinning. “Indulge me, Dingle.”

“You can keep saying it all you want, Robert, I’m not doing it.”

“Just a few,” Robert countered, easily clicking the glowsticks together to form a necklace. You’d never guess he’d put away a fairly generous amount of whiskey, Aaron decided, watching as his boyfriend draped the glowsticks around his neck.

“I didn’t say yes.”

“You didn’t stop me, either,” Robert grinned, leaning in to press a whiskey flavoured kiss to Aaron’s mouth, smiling against his mouth. “You’ve got to get into the spirit of everything, Aaron. It’s freshers!”

“You say that like it means anything to me,” Aaron said, tugging at the glowing necklace he was now wearing, Robert snapping glowsticks around his wrists, looping a few around his belt loops.

“It means we’re going to have fun tonight, before you have to spend the entire year listening to be cry over my final year project,” Robert grinned, leaning in to kiss him again.

Aaron happily responded, only pulling away when someone knocked into the back of him, making him all too aware of their busy surroundings. He’d much rather be at home, with all the time in the world to kiss Robert.

“We look like idiots,” Robert grinned, face illuminated by the pink and yellow glowsticks he had around his neck, eyes bright and unfocused, a carefree grin on his face.

Aaron laughed. “Yeah, we do,” he returned the grin, nodding toward the bar. “Drink?”

“Tequila?” Robert suggested, scanning the menu.

Aaron nodded. “None of that cheap shit either, Sugden, I nearly died when you had me drinking that Tesco value stuff the other night.”

“Nothing but the best for you, baby,” Robert teased, tugging Aaron toward the bar, a firm grasp on his hip.

Aaron rolled his eyes at the nickname, but he let Robert pull him through the crowd, ordering them a round of shots, and two beers.

“We should do body shots,” Robert commented, sprinkling salt on the back of his hand, readying himself to down the definitely too cheap to be anything other than paint stripper tequila.

“Or not,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “I’d rather you didn’t try and drink tequila out of my bellybutton or summat.”

Robert snorted. “You say such sexy things to me, Aaron.”

“Shut up and drink your tequila, Rob.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re so drunk,” Robert declared, his arms hooked around Aaron’s waist, holding him close as they stood in the midst of main street, waiting for everyone to get out of the chip shop.

“”M fine,” Aaron shook his head, ignoring Robert’s drunken advances for a kiss, focusing on his curry chips instead. “These are so good.”

“Give us one then.”

“Buy your own you prick!” Aaron narrowed his eyes, holding his chips close to his chest. It was colder than it had been that evening when they’d left Aaron’s flat, and he shivered slightly against the sudden wind. “‘M starving.”

Robert’s hair was a sweaty mess after the heat of the nightclub, the blonde strands stuck to his forehead in clumps. “So am I! I paid for those chips, by the way,” he grumbled, the scent of sambucca clinging to his shirt, Robert clearly  _wearing_  more shots than he’d actually drank.

Aaron held up a curry drenched chip, Robert happily chewing on the half cold food.

“Ta.”

“Are you two done being disgusting so we can go home?”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Connor and Rebecca finally emerging from the chip shop, Rebecca’s hair a scattered mess, half up, half down, mostly hanging over her face.

He couldn’t hold in a snort as he looked at her, Robert’s expression mirroring his own.

“We’re never disgusting,” Robert untangled himself from Aaron, slinging an arm around Aaron’s shoulders.

If he was sober, Aaron might have hated the easy way he melted into Robert’s side, but he wasn’t sober, he was drunk out of his mind, and he was happy, munching on his chips as they strolled down the main street.

“You’re disgusting,” Connor confirmed, having to hold Rebecca up as they walked along. “You’re constantly snogging and cuddling, it’s  _definitely_  disgusting.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Rebecca commented with a soft smile. “You two are happy. People deserve to be happy, Connor, don’t be such a dick.”

Aaron offered Robert one of the last chips, before he bundled up the paper and tossed it into the closest bin. Happier now he’d eaten, Aaron wrapped his arm around Robert’s waist, hooking a finger through one of his belt loops.

Robert was wearing was Aaron secretly referred to as his Sexy Bastard jeans. They were the most ridiculously tight material, even worse than the ones he deemed somehow acceptable to wear to university, and every time Aaron saw him in them, he wanted to shag the living daylights out of Robert.

He’d managed a sneaky, tequila flavoured blowjob in the bathrooms earlier on in the night, but he wanted more.

So, so much more.

Aaron pressed a kiss to Robert’s clothed chest, only half listening to Connor and Robert’s conversation as they walked the ten minutes to the house, Robert the only one remotely sober enough out of his housemates to unlock the door.

They managed a few minutes of drunken conversation with Connor, Rebecca and their new housemate Amelia, before Aaron pinched Robert’s arse and made his intentions very clear.

Clear enough that he was getting shoved up the stairs by his boyfriend, stumbling over the steps.

“I’m going to fall, Robert!” Aaron said, laughing slightly as he managed to make it to the top of the stairs, his heart racing.

He didn’t remember it being this exciting with Ed.

“I just want you,” Robert breathed, kicking his bedroom door shut behind them, undressing Aaron with his eyes. “I always want you.”

Aaron should feel uncomfortable under the intensity of Robert’s gaze, he decided. But he didn’t, he liked it, he liked feeling wanted, liked knowing that he was the one who did this to Robert, that Robert wanted  _him_.

Being with Robert had unlocked something completely wanton in Aaron, so he kept staring at his boyfriend as he started to unbutton his shirt, enjoying the way Robert’s breathing hitched as Aaron dropped the material to the floor, his hands moving to his belt buckle.

He was sobering up at the thought of doing a  _literal_  striptease for his boyfriend, but it was happening.

Aaron swallowed his nerves as he tossed his belt aside, taking a second to toe off his runners before he popped the button on his jeans, pushing the material to the floor. He was wondering when Robert would snap, if he was honest, so he kept going.

For curiosities sake.

Hooking his thumbs in the elastic of the boxers he was about eighty percent sure were Robert’s anyway, Aaron tugged them off, shivering slightly as his skin was completely exposed to the cool air of Robert’s room.

Aaron smirked at Robert’s unsteady breathing and stood, with his hands on his hips. “Are you going to do something, or am I going to have to get myself off?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Aaron! Aaron, wait up.”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Victoria jogging toward him, an overfilled handbag on one arm, brandishing her phone in the other. “Hiya,” he greeted. “How are you?”

Victoria beamed at him, her hair done up in two neat little buns. “I’m good, thanks. How are you?”

“I’m good. You settling in alright? I know Robert’s probably doing your head in.”

Victoria laughed. “At least you know what you’re getting into with my big brother, eh?”  she laughed, shifting the weight of her handbag. “He’s been okay, actually. Only ringing me once an hour instead of every five minutes, so I’ll take that as a win.”

“He worries.”

“I know. It does ruin my cool  _a bit_ though, having my big brother trail around after me,” Victoria rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “This place is massive, though, I don’t know if I’ll ever be used to it.”

Aaron nodded. “I felt that way, when I first started.”

“How did you get over it?”

“Robert helped, if I’m honest,” Aaron admitted, a flush rising in his cheeks as he spoke. It was still weird, to talk about his relationship with Robert to other people, he was still getting used to how serious it had all become himself. “Helped me get used to the whole place, made it easier to want to be here.”

Victoria nodded, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, smiling slightly. “I’ll completely lose any cool I’ve got then, eh?”

“Well, if you need a friend, you’ve got me, Vic,” Aaron offered her a bright smile. He liked Victoria, he really did. She was bright, and happy, and ever since Andy’s wedding during the summer, she’s been a real mate to him, always tagging him in silly memes on Facebook, sending him snapchats of Rosie the dog.

Victoria beamed, her who face lighting up. “Thank you! I don’t know how Robert managed to land someone as lovely as you, I really don’t.”

Aaron laughed. “He has his moments.”

Victoria smiled fondly. “He does. More of them, now he’s with you.”

“Are you free now?” Aaron inquired, jerking his head toward the tiny cafe on the outskirts of campus. “We could grab a coffee, you can tell me plenty of horror stories about Robert.”

Victoria’s excitement was palpable. “I’d really like that, thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I had coffee with Vic today.” Aaron said, leaning against the kitchen counter as he watched Robert cook dinner.

Robert was immediately in concerned big brother mode. “Oh yeah? Is she alright?”

Aaron nodded. “I think she was just a bit overwhelmed this week, everything’s a bit mad when you start, innit? I figured I’d just be a mate for her, seeing as she only knows you and me, and it’s not exactly brilliant to have your brother be your only mate.”

Robert gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks,” he said, stirring the curry slowly. “She likes you, you know.”

“I like her too,” Aaron said. “Best out of your lot, I’d say.”

“She is,” Robert confirmed, a soft smile on his face as he thought about his little sister.  “She really is. Vic’s the one that stepped up when dad died, she’s been a superstar since then. I’m so proud of her, I really am. Anyone else would have just broken, after everything thats happened to her in her life, but she hasn’t.”

“She’s got a few decent role models,” Aaron nudged, looking up as Rebecca and Connor entered the kitchen. “Hey, dumb and dumber.”

“You love us, really,” Rebecca smacked a lipstick stained kiss against his cheek, reaching around Aaron to grab a half drunk bottle of vodka. “You two staying in and being sickening tonight, I assume?”

“When are they not?” Connor smirked, already halfway through a bottle of beer, a bag full of clinking bottles on his shoulder.

“You’re just jealous.” Robert winked, switching off the gas ring.

“Well, you’re the ones missing out on the last night of Freshers, so who’s the real winner here?” Rebecca inquired, hands on hips and an altogether too serious expression on her face considering she had about half a tonne of glitter on her face.

“Eh, I’m getting dinner cooked for me, I win.” Aaron shrugged, taking a swig of Robert’s half drunk beer.

“It does smell good,” Connor piped up, sounding hopeful.

“It does and it’s for me and Aaron, so go away,” Robert said brightly. “Go on, you’ve got that ridiculous bet going this week you need to get to finishing.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow, curious now. “Another one?”

“ _Less_  disgraceful than last year’s, I promise. We’re attempting to steal a glass from every club we go to, and get it home without it breaking,” Rebecca explained, holding up her handbag. “I’ve wrecked two handbags this week alone!”

“Good job daddy can buy you ten more,” Connor rolled his eyes, directing Rebecca toward the door. “Enjoy your night boys!”

Aaron snorted at Connor’s goodbye, turning his focus back to Robert. “Is that why you were determined to stick a glass down the back of your pants the other night?”

Robert planted a kiss on his lips, passing Aaron a plate. “Absolutely. I was winning, until you distracted me. Three glasses!”

Aaron glanced down at his plate, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. “Are you sure you don’t mind not going out tonight? It being the last night of freshers, and everything. You could, if you wanted -“

“Aaron,” Robert interrupted softly, sliding his arms around Aaron’s waist, his body warm against Aaron’s. “I want to be here, with you. Where’s the fun in going out and getting smashed with those two when I could stay in and spent my night with you?”

Aaron flushed under the heat of Robert’s gaze. Sometimes, he didn’t feel quite used to someone wanting him the way Robert did, the heat of their relationship not having lessened in the slightest in the year since they’d started sleeping together.

“C’mere,” Robert set Aaron’s plate down on the counter, shifting their positions slightly so he was pinning Aaron closely to the counter, his fingers digging into Aaron’s hips. “I love you, you know.”

Aaron leaned up, pressing a kiss to the corner of Robert’s mouth. “Love you. Soppy git,” he grinned.

Robert rolled his eyes, untangling himself from Aaron’s grasp, attention on the food again. “You’re just a git in general.”

“You’re like a fucking octopus, Robert,” Aaron grumbled as his boyfriend wrapped himself around him, pressing his face into Aaron’s shoulder. Robert’s room was freezing, and despite how warm they’d been about ten minutes earlier, Robert buried in Aaron’s ass, Aaron’s fingers digging into Robert’s arms so hard they left bruises, well - it was  _cold,_ even with the duvet tugged up around them, Aaron wearing an slightly oversized pair of Robert’s pyjamas.

Robert didn’t relent, sliding his hands under Aaron’s borrowed t-shirt, his palms warm against Aaron’s stomach.

“I’m knackered, Robert.”

“‘M not trying anything on with ya,” Robert replied, his breath hot against Aaron’s ear. “Just want a cuddle.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Turn over.”

“What?”

“Turn over, Rob,” Aaron shifted so he was lying on his other side, giving Robert an expectant look. “I know ya well enough to know what you want.”

Robert grinned, turning over so he was lying with his back to Aaron.

Aaron wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of cuddling. It always just felt a bit unnecessary, if you asked him, but as he wrapped an arm around Robert’s stomach, his boyfriend knotting their fingers tightly together, he didn't hate it.

He couldn’t help but smile as he felt Robert relax completely, his breathing slow, and steady.

“Should have known you loved being the little spoon,” Aaron teased, tangling his legs between Robert’s.

“You’ve got great arms,” Robert replied quietly, already sounding half asleep. “S’nice, feels good.”

Aaron couldn’t pretend like it didn’t feel really good to hear Robert said that, his lanky blonde boyfriend happy to be cuddled close by Aaron. He pressed a kiss to the back of Robert’s neck, feeling himself start to drift off.

Skipping the last night of freshers had been worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_*Ring! Ring! Ring!*_

Aaron was woken from his deep sleep by the sound of his phone ringing, untangling himself from Robert so he could answer it. “Hello?” he greeted, too tired to even bother checking the caller id. He couldn’t quite keep the annoyance out of his voice, getting a call off someone at nearly two in the morning.

 _“It’s Vic. Please say you’re not with Robert,”_  Victoria’s words were slurred, her voice tearful.

“I’m with him, Vic,” Aaron said, glancing over at his boyfriend, who was now wide awake at the sound of his sisters name, instead of dozing half asleep, waiting to see who was on the phone.

“Why is Vic calling you?” Robert demanded, kicking off the covers.

 _“I’m in Secret Garden,”_  Victoria mumbled down the phone to Aaron, sounding sad.  _“I’ve lost all my friends, and I think I’ve drank too much, and I’m afraid to leave the bathrooms. They tell you all sorts about drunk girls being easy targets, you know?”_

“Hey, it’s alright,” Aaron kicked back the covers. “We’re on our way, okay?”

 _“Robert’s going to kill me,”_  Victoria hiccuped.

“I’ll calm him down, I promise,” Aaron said. “We’ll be there in ten minutes, tops. Okay? Keep texting me if you need to, and stay where you are.”

 _“Okay. Ta, Aaron,”_ Victoria said, hanging up her phone.

He turned to look at Robert, who was already half dressed. “Don’t freak out.”

“You telling me not to freak out is going to  _automatically_  make me freak out,” Robert pointed out, tugging a jumper over his head. “Why is Victoria ringing you at one in the morning?”

“She’s drunk in a nightclub and she’s lost all her friends,” Aaron sighed, tugging on his jeans.

“What? Oh, fucking hell. What does she think she’s playing at?”

“It’s freshers week, Robert, she’s bound to do this. Do you not remember the night last year I got so paralytic drunk you had to put me to bed? At least she’s had the sense to call me,” Aaron said, putting his hands on his boyfriends chest, trying to calm him down. “She’s drunk, and she’s upset, so don’t start on her tonight. Do your angry big brother routine in the morning,  _please_  - right now she just needs a bag of chips and a bed.”

Robert let out a shaky breath, looking frustrated. “She’s my baby sister, Aaron, of course I’m going to be worried.”

“I know, and you’re allowed to be - but she’s already in enough of a state without you putting her over the edge,” Aaron said, pulling on his trainers and a hoodie. “Come on, you know I’m right.”

Robert sighed, knowing Aaron was right, he couldn’t upset Victoria anymore than she already was. “What nightclub is she in?”

“Secret Garden, I told her to stay where she was in the bathrooms,” Aaron said, grabbing his phone and wallet. “Come on, we’ll flag a taxi down.”

They made the journey into town in silence, Robert passing the driver a fiver before jumping out of the car. The queue for the nightclub was still going, even with an hour until close, and Aaron made straight for the bouncers.

“Hiya,” he said. “My boyfriend’s little sister is inside, she’s drunk and she’s lost her mates, and we just want to get her and bring her home. Can we go in?”

The bouncer shook his head. “It’s full.”

“Look, mate, neither one of us is really dressed for clubbing.” Aaron said, gesturing at his hoodie and trainers, his sleep ruffled curly hair. “We’re stone cold sober, got woken up by a phonecall from her. We’ll be in and out in five minutes, I swear. She’s only a first year.”

Robert rocked on his heels beside him, clearly itching to say something.

“Five minutes, and if I spot either of you at the bar buying a drink, you’re barred.” The bouncer said, letting them inside.

Aaron thanked him quickly, ignoring the drunken protests of the waiting queue as he headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time to get to the bathrooms. He usually liked Secret Garden, but completely sober, it was a trainwreck - the smell of sambucca  and body odour was like an assault as he weaved his way through the crowd, pausing outside the women’s toilets.

“I’m looking for someone,” he said to a passing girl. “Victoria. Short, blonde hair - she’s in a right state, gone and locked herself in. Could you check if she’s there, tell her Aaron is outside?”

The girl nodded, but when she didn’t return after a few minutes, Aaron couldn’t help  but groan out loud, Robert fidgeting beside him.

The message clearly hadn’t gone through.

“Stay here,” Aaron warned Robert, pushing into the bathrooms. “Victoria? Vic, it’s Aaron.”

“You can’t be in here! I don’t care if you’re fighting with your girlfriend, mate,” a girl shouted at him, pointing her viciously red lipstick at him from where she was standing at the sink, surrounded by a gaggle of her friends.

“I’m actually in here looking for my boyfriends little sister,  _and_  I could care less what any of you lot think,” Aaron snapped. “Vic? Come on, it’s me. Robert’s outside, don’t put him in more of a mood.”

A bathroom stall unlocked, Victoria stumbling out of the cubicle. Her makeup was running down her cheeks in rivers, mascara dripping off the end of her chin.

“Oh, Vic,” Aaron sighed, hooking an arm around her and leading her out of the bathroom. He watched as Robert immediately jumped into protective big brother mode, shrugging off his jacket to give to her.

“I’m sorry,” Victoria sobbed, clinging tightly to Aaron’s waist, covering the grey material of his hoodie in a mess of eyeliner and purple glitter. He couldn’t bring himself to care too much, Vic clearly upset about something.

Aaron flashed Robert a warning look, knowing he would only make things a whole lot worse if he were to kick off there and then.

“It’s alright, let’s get you back to mine, eh?” Robert shrugged off her tears, leading Victoria to the stairs. She was clearly struggling in her towering heels, but between the two of them, they managed to get her downstairs and into the busy street.

“Thanks mate, I really appreciate it,” Aaron directed at the bouncer.

“Make sure she gets home okay,” he replied, his attention taken by another drunken student almost immediately, leaving them to try and get themselves back to Robert’s house.

Aaron flagged down a taxi, reeling off Robert’s address as his boyfriend bundled Vic into the backseat, the girl still softly sobbing. He was only grateful the taxi agreed to take their fare, clearly worried she was about to puke her guts up.

He was also incredibly grateful that Robert’s house was only a short drive away, taking Robert’s keys from him, unlocking the front door.

Robert guided Victoria to a kitchen chair, clearly unsure of what to do with his hysterical sister.

“I don’t know where they went!” Victoria wailed, rubbing roughly at her eyes, spreading the mess of eyeliner and glitter down her cheeks, across her forehead. “One minute, we were all at the bar, and the next I was on my own."

“Hey, it happens,” Aaron gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You did the right thing, calling me. Yeah? You know I’m always around if you’re in trouble, and so’s Robert.”

“Always, Vic,” Robert said reassuringly, pressing a kiss to the top of his sister’s head.

“Robert? Is everything alright?” Rebecca appeared in the doorway, still in her clubbing clothes. “Oh, Vic, darling. Are you alright?”

“She’s just a bit drunk,” Aaron offered.

“Let me go and get you some makeup wipes, hm?” Rebecca said, heading for the stairs. ‘You’ll feel better without all that gunk on your face.”

“And a glass of water,” Robert jumped to action, filling a pint glass at the sink. “Here, drink that Vic.”

“‘M not usually such a lightweight,” Victoria mumbled. “Drinking cans since I was a -  _hic_  - kid.”

Aaron laughed at her drunken mumbles, grinning at her. “You’re tough as nails, Vic.”

“She’s a Sugden, of course she is,” Robert returned the grin, Rebecca returning with a packet of makeup wipes in hand. She passed one to Victoria, busying herself with another, wiping away the worst of the glitter and black eyeliner from Victoria’s forlorn face.

“I’m heading out again,” Rebecca said, tossing the wipes into the bin, grabbing her handbag from the kitchen counter. “Put her in my bed.”

“Booty call?” Aaron asked, smirking slightly.

“Not all of us can be relationship goals, gorgeous,” Rebecca grinned, blowing him a kiss. “Feel better, Vic!”

“Thank you!” Victoria hollered after Rebecca, grinning at Robert. “She’s much nicer than Chrissie, Robert. You’re weird.”

Robert rolled his eyes. “That was all a long time ago."

“I know,” Victoria stroked Aaron’s arm, giving him a loving look. “Now you’ve got the lovely Aaron.”

“The  _lovely_  Aaron?” Robert snorted.

“ **Lovely**  Aaron. He bought me a coffee, today, you know,” Victoria said, completely serious. “You better not break his heart. I think I like him more than I like you.”

“I think we need to get you to bed, Vic,” Aaron laughed, hoisting Vic out of the chair.

“I’ll grab you some pyjamas Vic,” Robert said, helping Aaron practically carry his sister up the stairs to Rebecca’s room, disappearing into his own to find Victoria something to sleep in.

“You calmed him down,” Victoria said in a stage whisper.

“I did,” Aaron grinned. “Promised I would, didn’t I? Made him promise he’d hold off on being the angry big brother until tomorrow, so you’ve got some time to sleep it off.”

Victoria beamed. “Lovely Aaron.”

Robert retuned with some pyjamas and a plastic bucket. “Please don’t get sick in Rebecca’s bed, Vic, I’ll never hear the end of it,” he gestured to the bucket. “The bathroom is down the hall on the right, remember? And if you need anything, you know where my room is.”

“I’ll be fiiiine!” Victoria shook her head, pulling the borrowed t-shirt on over her brightly coloured dress, clambering under the covers. “I’ve got my water. Your pants. I’ll be fine.”

Aaron snorted at her complete inability to get herself together, leaning against the doorframe. It was moments like this when he could see just how much Robert loved his little sister, how completely enamoured he was with the youngest Sugden.

It was nice, to see his boyfriend like this. Robert wasn’t particularly soft with many people in his life, and it gave Aaron a taste of how Robert must be around him, in those quiet moments where Robert would look at him, love shining from every part of his face.

Robert pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you!” Victoria replied sleepily. “ _Lovely_  Aaron and  _lovely_  Robert.”

Aaron pushed Robert out the door of Rebecca’s room before he could reply, keeping his hands on his boyfriends waist as he steered him down the hallway, and toward the bed.

“I don’t like the idea of my little sister being left on her own in some dingy nightclub,” Robert said tiredly, shivering slightly as he tugged his jeans off. The bed was ice cold now, the two of them having had been out of it for long enough for the sheets to cool.

“Neither do I, but we got it sorted,” Aaron kissed him briefly, tossing his own trousers aside, pulling on the pyjama bottoms he’d been wearing earlier, climbing into the bed. “Come on, let’s sleep. She’ll be fine, she just needs to sleep it off now, and she’ll be as embarrassed as anything in the morning.”

Robert nodded, lying down next to Aaron, a worried expression still on his face. Aaron couldn’t help but rub a thumb across Robert’s furrowed brow, enjoying the laugh that escaped from his boyfriends lips as he did so.

“She was smart enough to call me, Robert,” Aaron said softly, tracing his fingers down Robert’s cheek, down his neck, knowing the touch would calm his boyfriend down. Robert was probably the most tactile person he knew, and even something as small and insignificant as Aaron brushing a hand against his cheek had Robert melting into Aaron’s embrace.

“Why didn’t she call me though?”

“Because,” Aaron pulled Robert to his chest, tugging the duvet cover up around them, an arm wrapped tightly around Robert’s middle. “Sometimes you don’t want your big brother to see ya in a state like that.”

“Thank you,” Robert murmured, pressing a kiss to the palm of Aaron’s hand, holding onto him tightly, tangling their legs together, the two of them curled tightly around each other.

“What for?”

“Being there.” Robert replied quietly. “I love you, Aaron.”

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the warm feeling that bubbled low in his stomach at Robert’s words, the three little words he still wasn’t quite used to hearing from Robert just yet. “Love you too, Rob.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve never been more embarrassed in my entire life,” Victoria groaned, slumped against the kitchen table. She was clearly feeling the effects of her hangover, barely able to get herself upright, let alone drink the tea Aaron had made her.

Robert was still asleep, thankfully, Victoria spared his angry big brother routine for a while yet.

Aaron took a sip of his tea, deciding to try and lessen her misery a bit. “The first time I came to a house party here, I got so paralytic drunk, I puked in the garden, and Robert had to put me to bed,” he admitted, remembering that disastrous evening all too well.

Victoria lifted her head, eyes wide. “Really?”

Aaron nodded. “It’s university, Vic,” he shrugged. “You’re going to make an idiot of yourself a lot, don’t take it too seriously. Just - make sure you don’t end up on your own, in future.”

Victoria gave him a grateful smile. “Robert’s really landed on his feet with you, you know.”

Aaron grinned. “Tell that ungrateful arse that.”

“I’m always grateful.”

Aaron turned around to see Robert padding in the door of the kitchen, one of Aaron’s hoodies thrown on over his pyjamas, blond hair askew. “Hiya.”

“Morning,” Robert returned the greeting, leaning down to press a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

Aaron shrugged. “You looked like you needed to sleep,” he said, thinking of how deeply asleep Robert had been that morning, curled into a tight ball, snoring softly.

“Aaron’s already given out to me for ending up alone, so you don’t need to do the same,” Victoria interjected, eyeing her brother warily.  

“Oh, you’re still gong to get yelled at,” Robert said, entirely serious. “But I’d rather it do it after a fry up, so get your butt up and help me make breakfast.”

“Robert, I will vomit if you force me to cook right now,” Victoria pleaded.

Robert grinned, opening the fridge and tossing a packet of bacon at his sister, narrowly missing her head. “Shouldn’t have pissed off your big brother then, should you?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in days, mate!” Adam greeted with a grin, pouring himself an inhuman amount of cereal, Aaron reaching around him to flick the kettle on.

Living in a house of eight, Aaron had quickly discovered, was hell on earth. None of his housemates ever seemed to do the washing up, and there was never any clean mugs - and someone had stolen the last of his milk, the previous morning.

Aaron hadn’t realised there was anything in this world that would make him miss halls, but apparently anything was possible.

“I’ve been at Roberts,” he admitted, snatching some of Adam’s cornflakes before he poured in the milk.

“You two should have just moved in together this year,” Adam smirked, enjoying teasing Aaron mercilessly.

“We’re definitely not at the moving in together stage,” Aaron snorted, busying himself making a cup of tea.

“You’re happy though, yeah?”

Aaron nodded. “It’s a good thing, me and Robert,” he said, shrugging, not wanting to get too mushy about it all.

“So you don’t regret not working your way through all the lads in our class?” Adam nudged, laughing.

Aaron shook his head, returning the grin. “I think I’m alright, ta.”

“I’m happy for ya, really,” Adam said. “Dating gets boring, after a while. I’d love to meet someone who makes me as happy as Robert makes you. Even if he is a bit of a twat.”

Aaron flicked a piece of stray kitchen paper at Adam’s head, rolling his eyes. “Oi, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”

“Your boyfriend with the ridiculously hot sister?”

“A sister you’re never going to meet, mate,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Robert would tear ya limb from limb if he ever found out that you tried to make a move on Victoria, he’s stupidly protective of her.”

Adam sighed dramatically, putting a hand on his heart. “The course of true love never did run smoothly, eh?”

“More like you’re just bored and looking for a shag,” Aaron shoved at him, taking his cup of tea. “You going to the lecture today?”

“Yeah, you?”

Aaron grinned. “Nah, Robert’s upstairs, isn’t he?”

“You dirty bastard, stealing all my cereal just for a refuel!”

Aaron shrugged. “You’re just jealous because tinder isn’t working out for ya, mate. Take notes for me, will you?”

“I’m not going to help you out when you’re skiving off to have sex with your boyfriend!” Adam yelled after him, Aaron ignoring him in favour of heading back upstairs, nudging the door open with his hip.

“I’ve changed my mind, about that cup of tea,” Robert admitted, stretching his hands over his head, the blooming purple hickey on his chest a stark reminder of how Aaron had absolutely rocked his bloody world the previous evening.

“Tough, I only made the one,” Aaron said, holding his mug steady as he clambered into bed beside Robert, taking a sip of the sweet, milky tea.

Robert shuffled across the bed, easing the mug out of Aaron’s hands. “Sharing is caring, Aaron.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but couldn’t refuse, content to share his mug of tea with Robert as the two of them sat, and chatted, pretending as though they didn’t have classes, and tutorials, and assignments to do.

Aaron was happy to waste all the time in the world, talking to Robert.

That was love, he supposed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I think I’m dying,” Robert moaned pitifully, duvet tugged up around his head, only his face exposed. He looked pale, and lifeless, dark circles practically black. He’d texted Aaron the previous day to say he was sick, but Aaron hadn’t quite realised just how sick his boyfriend was.

“I went to the pharmacy, like you asked,” Aaron said, dumping his backpack on the floor, rooting in the paper bag from Boots he had, tossing Robert the packet of throat sweets. “Here, take one of those, and I’ll make you a Lemsip.”

“I love you,” Robert said mournfully, cracking open the packet of throat sweets.

Aaron laughed to himself as he took the packet of Lemsip’s downstairs with him, busying himself at the kettle. It was funny, really, how familiar Robert’s house was to him, how he'd managed to end up with a second home in Robert’s student house, a mug Robert had bought him pride of place in the cupboard, a reminder of how serious it all was.

Maybe it was too much, too soon - too everything, really, but Aaron didn’t care.

He’d rather be too serious, too quickly, with Robert, than slow things down, and risk not having this, the person to talk to every single day, having a best friend, and a boyfriend all in one.

Aaron liked being able to plan for the future with Robert, because he knew they’d be together six months, a year down the line. All he wanted, all he was ever going to want, was Robert, and everything else, he’d figure out along the way.

“Hiya.”

Aaron looked over his shoulder to see Rebecca padding into the kitchen, in her pyjamas, eyes red-rimmed. “You catch whatever Robert’s got, then?” he question, waving the Lemsip at her.

“I wish,” Rebecca said. “I’ve got a bad case of heartbreak, unfortunately.”

“Really? I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” Aaron was curious now. Rebecca was notoriously single, happy to make the most of her years at university, the freest spirit he knew.

“I thought I was, but it turns out I thought wrong,” Rebecca sighed. “Is it so wrong of me to want to have someone I can depend on, that I can spend time with?”

“No, it’s not.”

“I just see what you and Robert have, and I can’t help but be jealous,” Rebecca admitted, rooting in the freezer for something. “Sorry, you probably don’t want me dumping all my problems on you.”

“S’ok,” Aaron shrugged. “I know it’s cliche, or whatever - but Robert came along when I least expected him to. Things will work out for ya, eventually.”

Rebecca made a triumphant noise as she found the tub of ice-cream she’d clearly been looking for, giving Aaron a grateful smile. “Thanks, Aaron,” she said. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind when I’m done with my evening plans of crying and watching Bridget Jones.”

Aaron laughed. “You’ve got to get the heartbreak out of your system, right?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know, Mr Lovesick,” she teased good-naturedly. “Don’t ever forget you’re one of the lucky ones.”

One of the lucky ones.

Aaron realised just how true her words were, as he pulled out his laptop, clambering into bed with a forlorn Robert. They were the lucky ones, weren’t they? The ones who didn’t have to deal with the heartbreak, all the bad and boring parts of being single.

They had each other. Good or bad, they had each other.

That made them the luckiest ones of all, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I thought you were supposed to have less house parties, when you're doing a masters?” Aaron teased, looking between Connor and Rebecca. The kitchen was bustling with people, another one of their (apparently) famous house parties underway.

Somehow, Aaron was always dragged, kicking and screaming, into the midst of the madness.

Robert’s doing, of course.

“You have to destress, don’t you?” Rebecca grinned, taking a swig of her vodka and orange. “Anyways, don’t pretend like you’re not going to get a good evening out of this, I heard Robert bribing you  _very_  loudly this morning.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment. “You listening to us have sex now, are ya?”

“You two are at it twenty four seven, it’s hard not to hear it,” Connor rolled his eyes. “Honestly, where do you find the time? Robert was a one and done guy when I was sleeping with him.”

Aaron felt his stomach drop at Connor’s words. “You what?”

Connor’s eyes went wide. “I assumed Robert had told you,” he said. “We were sleeping together, all of the first term. We used to live in the same halls.”

Aaron was seeing red. “No, he didn’t tell me,” he practically spat, scraping back his chair.

“Aaron, where you going? I found those cards, we can play Kings Cup now,” Robert grinned, delighted with himself.

“When were you going to tell me you and Connor used to sleep together?” Aaron demanded, not caring how quiet the house had gone, everyone listening in now they could hear how angry Aaron was.

“Aaron, just let me explain,” Robert tried, dumping the packet of cards on the kitchen table, panicking.

“I don’t want to hear it!” Aaron yelled, shoving at his chest. “You’re a lying bastard, you know that?”

“Aaron, just - let’s go and talk about this somewhere quiet.”

“Go fuck yourself, Robert,” Aaron spat. “You promised me there was no more secrets between us.”

“Aaron, don’t do this here,” Robert pleaded.

“I’m done,  _we’re_  done,” Aaron growled, ripping his arm from Robert’s grasp, thundering out of the kitchen before Robert could say another word, taking the stairs two at a time.

He managed to shove most of the things he’d left scattered around Robert’s room into his backpack when Robert arrived, his face practically purple with anger.

“You had to do that, yeah? Make a show of the two of us in front of all my friends?” Robert slammed the bedroom door shut behind him, hands on his hips.

“That’s really what you’re worried about, yeah? What everyone downstairs thinks of us?”

“Why can’t you just be a normal person and talk to me about these things instead of freaking out?” Robert retorted.

“Why do you have to lie to me all the fucking time, Robert?” Aaron hated how his eyes were welling up with tears. He hated that he was an angry crier, hated that he couldn’t stop himself from crying when he was mad.

“One thing! I didn’t tell you this one thing, and suddenly I lie to you about everything?” Robert looked genuinely furious. “Let’s just forget all the good times we’ve had then, yeah?”

“I asked you, when I found out about you and Bex, if there was anything else I needed to know, and you lied.”

“I just - I didn’t want to have this conversation with you, I didn’t think it was that important.”

“You didn’t think it was important to tell me you’d slept with every single one of your housemates, yeah? Logical, that,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “You’re really making use of being bisexual, eh?”

“Don’t you dare bring that into this, Aaron,” Robert shook his head. “My sexuality has got  _nothing_  to do with this.”

Aaron was quiet, knowing he probably shouldn’t have said that.  _Probably_.

“I am sorry, that I lied to you,” Robert said. “I am, I really am, Aaron.”

“Yeah, maybe you are,” Aaron sighed, slumping down into Robert’s desk chair. “The problem is you’re always doing it, Robert. We’re supposed to be giving this, us, a real go, and theres just always some deep dark secret you’re not telling me. Is that any way for a relationship to work?”

Robert sat down on the edge of his bed, wringing his hands. “I don’t want you to know the worst parts of me,” he admitted, his anger dissipating now, replaced with the kind of sadness Aaron hated seeing in Robert.

“Lying to me doesn’t make anything better, Robert.”

“I know,” Robert sighed, looking frustrated with himself. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to be better, you know.”

“Are you?” the words were out of Aaron’s mouth before he could stop himself, the flash of hurt on Robert’s face making his heart ache. He wanted to reach out, to say he didn’t mean it, any of it - but Aaron wasn’t going to let how much he loved the other boy affect this.

He was angry, and he was allowed to be.

“I’d never had sex with a guy, before university,” Robert said quietly, all of a sudden very interested in the cuffs of his shirt. “Who was I going to sleep with right? I didn’t want anyone at school to know, didn’t want anyone to label me as gay.”

Aaron winced, at the hatred in Robert’s voice.

“Connor was the first guy I let be interested in me, I guess,” Robert said. “The first time we slept together was during freshers. I - I freaked out, about it, hated myself for how much I liked it.”

“That’s not an excuse for not telling me, Robert.”

“I’m not done.”

“Okay, fine.”

“It happened again,” Robert continued. “And then it kept happening. Sleeping with Connor was easy, it made me think maybe I could embrace being bisexual, you know? Connor, he’s been out since he was  _fourteen_. That was crazy to me, that he knew, accepted it when he was that age, I wanted to be more like him.”

“Why?” Aaron raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t exactly been much of a fan of Connor, even before he’d found all this out.

“I didn’t want to hate myself for liking both,” Robert said simply. “I did, you know. I still do, sometimes.”

“Robert -“

“Just, let me say this, Aaron,” Robert interrupted. “I know I shouldn’t have lied to you. But being with you, it’s the first time in my life I don't have my dad’s voice in the back of my head, telling me that no son of his was going to be a queer.”

Aaron winced at the words. Robert’s father really did sound like a piece of work, the more Robert opened up about him.

“I didn’t want to risk ruining it because I told you about me and Connor,” Robert finished, looking ashamed of himself.

Aaron didn’t know what to say, or do. “I need time, Robert - I need time to think about all this. You - you lied to me, about something  _big_ , and it’s not for the first time, either.”

Robert gave him a sad,  _understanding_ look. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron stood up, holding tightly to his backpack. “I’ll call you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been a week.

Aaron had thought, and he’d cried, and he’d thought about it some more, and he’d ignored texts from Victoria asking what had happened, why her brother was moping around so depressed, and he hadn’t heard a single thing from Robert.

Credit where credit was due, Robert was giving him space.

But they couldn’t go on like this forever, could they?

So Aaron texted him.

Aaron texted him, and so now he was waiting in their favourite cafe, phone in hand, wondering what he was even going to say. He thought he’d figured it all out, really, he did, but it just didn’t feel that simple.

Not this time.

Aaron had gotten over Rebecca, he had. He’d understood, how it had all happened, how Bex had been caught up with how much she wanted Robert, knew it had all been a mess because Robert hadn’t wanted her.

This was different.

Robert had chosen to lie, chosen not to tell him about Connor.

Aaron didn’t like being lied to.

“Hi,” Robert greeted, nervously sitting down in the chair across from Aaron. “You look good.”

Aaron glanced down at the relatively clean jumper and jeans he was wearing, an outfit Robert had seen a thousand times. “Thanks,” he said simply, taking in Robert’s tired expression, his creased forehead.

Robert wore it all on his sleeve, when it came to Aaron. It had taken Aaron months to realise, but it’s all he could see, these days, when he looked at his boyfriend, saw how he felt about Aaron written across every inch of his face.

“I’m really glad you texted,” Robert said. “I’ve been going crazy, this week.”

“I know,” Aaron nodded. “Victoria texted me a few times.”

Robert rolled his eyes. “I told her to mind her own,” he groaned, Aaron barely holding in a laugh as he realised what a showdown the Sugden siblings would have later that evening, when Robert got hold of her.

“I’m glad she messaged,” Aaron admitted. “I was worried about you.”

“Yeah?”

Aaron nodded. “The things you told me - they were intense, Robert,” he said. “And I wasn’t there to talk it out with you.”

Robert gave a slight shrug. “You needed time.”

“I did,” Aaron confirmed.

“Have you had enough time?” Robert asked, hopeful.

“Yeah.”

The word felt final.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No,” Aaron shook his head, the decision easy, easy now he’d seen Robert for himself and realised he didn’t want it to end, he wanted to find a way to work through it. “I don’t want to break up with you.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, if you did,” Robert said quietly, messing with the sugar bowl in front of him.

Before either of them could continue, the barista appeared with their coffees. “A flat white and a mocha?” she asked, waiting for Aaron’s nod to confirm. “Enjoy.”

“You didn’t have to get me a coffee,” Robert said, tugging the mug closer to himself, looking as though he was in dire need of the caffeine.

“I wanted to,” Aaron shrugged, stirring his coffee for a second before he spoke again. “I don’t like being lied to.”

“I don’t like lying to you.”

“Why do you do it then?”

Robert shifted in his seat, giving Aaron a sad smile. “It’s all I’ve ever done, I guess,” he said. “I’ve never felt the way I do about you, about anyone else. I think I’m afraid of losing that, if I tell you all the terrible things I’ve done.”

“I don’t care,” Aaron shook his head. “Robert, I don’t care what you have and haven’t done. All I care about is how you make me feel, how much I want to be with you. I love you, good and bad.”

“I guess - I’m not used to taking relationships this seriously,” Robert admitted, taking a sip of his coffee. “I am so, so sorry. I should have told you about Connor from the start, I know.”

“How did it happen, between you?” Aaron asked. “I - I’d like to know.”

Knowing meant no other surprises.

“I was in the closet, still, when I came to university,” Robert began, pausing to take another generous swig of his coffee. “I met Connor the first day, we lived on the same floor in halls. He was - he was interesting to me, I guess. Out and proud, I was jealous.”

“So thats why you slept with him?”

“I slept with him because he jokingly offered me a blowjob during freshers if I didn’t find a girl to go home with.”

“Ah, romance,” Aaron joked.

“It was just sex, for the both of us,” Robert shook his head. “Neither of us wanted anything more from each other. When I got over my freak out about shagging a fella, we just.. kept having sex, until I started going out with Chrissie.”

“That’s all there is to it?”

“I know you have no reason to believe me,” Robert said. “But yeah, that’s all there is to it. I haven’t slept with him since first year, since before Christmas of first year. He got a serious boyfriend, Christmastime, and I - I kept doing what I do best, I guess.”

“Ignoring your feelings and shagging them away?”

“You know me so well,” Robert laughed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I feel like I’ve made a massive thing out of something that didn’t really matter all that much.”

“It matters because you lied to me,” Aaron pointed out.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Aaron took a sip of his coffee. “I want us to work through this, Robert. I don’t want to end this.”

“Good, because the last thing I want is for us to break up,” Robert said, reaching across the table for Aaron’s hand, giving it a momentary squeeze before he returned his focus to his coffee.

“Don’t lie to me again, Robert.”

“I won’t, I swear - and I know you don’t have any reason to trust me, but I’m going to earn that trust back, I swear,” Robert said earnestly. “I love you, Aaron.”

Aaron returned the smile. “I love you too, you idiot.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things had been okay, between them. Somehow, the Connor thing - well, it had rocked their relationship to it’s core, and they had to find a way of working through it together.

They were getting there, though, things were getting better.

They were even going out, with all their friends. For a couple of weeks now, their world had been very Aaron and Robert focused, all about the two of them, but things were getting back to normality.

Mostly, anyway.

Aaron was drunk, and he was happier. Happy maybe, but definitely happier than he had been two weeks previously, a week previously.

It was quiet, for a Thursday night, the two of them managing to bag a table by the dancefloor, watching Adam try (and fail) to chat up one of Rebecca’s friends, the two of them nursing a beer each.

“I’m glad we came out tonight,” Aaron admitted, leaning over the table so Robert could hear him.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” Robert grinned, pressing a kiss to the corner of Aaron’s mouth. “You can take over Rebecca’s promotion job, when she finishes at the end of the year.”

Aaron snorted. “Fat chance of that happening.”

“C’mere,” Robert shuffled his stool around so he and Aaron were sitting side by side, Robert resting one of his hands on Aaron’s thigh. “I love you, you know.”

“Love you too,” Aaron replied, tilting his chin up, a clear invitation for Robert to kiss him.

And kiss him Robert did.

It was always easy, to get lost in the feeling of kissing Robert, get caught up in the other boy’s lips, but Aaron hadn’t lost his focus enough to miss the snide comment that came from beside him.

“That’s disgusting.”

Aaron pulled away from Robert, turning around to glare at the group standing next to their table. They couldn’t be much older than him and Robert, really, clearly university students, if one of the team jerseys one of them was wearing was anything to go by.

“You want to say that again mate?” Aaron practically growled, out of his chair before Robert could hold him back.

“I said, it’s disgusting, you two in here, doing  _that_ ,” the other man replied. “Haven’t you lot got your own bars to go to?”

“Sorry, is there a rule that only straight people can come to these nightclubs and snog their partner?”

“I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking, mate,” he snorted. “No one wants to see two lads kissing, it’s not right.”

“I’m not your mate,” Aaron squared up to the other man. “Go on, give us a slap if you think I’m that disgusting.”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you, gay boy?”

“Aaron, come on -“ Robert tried to pull him away, nerves obvious in his voice.

“Yeah,  _Aaron_  - listen to your boyfriend and run along,” the man said, a snide grin fixed in place on his face. “I’m sure he’ll listen to you cry your little heart out when you get home.”

“I’m not going fucking anywhere,  _mate_ , I’ve got as much right to be here as anyone else.”

“Oi, oi - lads, what’s going on here?”

Aaron looked up to see the bouncer standing next to them, a frown on his face. “This lad is giving me shit for kissing my boyfriend,” he said.

“He tried to clatter me!” the other man protested, trying to look innocent as anything.

“Alright, out,” the bouncer said, pushing at Aaron and Robert. “The two of you, out.”

“Are you for real?” Aaron was furious now. “He’s being a homophobic prick, and we’re the ones getting kicked out?”

“I’m not going to stand for fighting in here,” the bouncer said. “I mean it, both of you, out, now.”

“I was having a quiet night out with my boyfriend before this big man here decided the world needed to know he thinks gay lads are disgusting,” Aaron said, glaring at the bouncer as he shoved at him again. “Seriously mate, touch me one more time, and I swear to god -“

“We’re going,” Robert interrupted, grabbing Aaron by the elbow. “We’re going, okay? No need to kick off.”

“Sort his attitude out before you come back in here again,” the bouncer warned, standing, arms folded across his chest, waiting for the two of them to leave.

They made it about five steps before Aaron ripped his arm from Robert’s grasp, storming down the stairs, and into the street. It felt like his blood was literally boiling, anger pouring from every inch of his body.

Aaron really, really wanted to just punch something, punch until his knuckles were bleeding and the knot in his stomach was gone. He hadn’t gone through everything he’d gone through in his life to accept being gay, just to get kicked out of a nightclub for snogging his boyfriend.

“Aaron, calm down, will you?”

“I don’t want to fucking calm down, do I? I want to go back in there and give that piece of shit bouncer a proper piece of my mind!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Robert yelled, furious now too. “Aaron, he would have barred us from the club! He’ll definitely bar us if you go back in there, yelling about how he’s a prick for telling us to go.”

“And thats all you care about, is it? Getting barred from your favourite nightclub because I was the only one out of the two of us who had the balls to stand up to that homophobic prick?” Aaron yelled back, red in the face. He was furious, absolutely furious with Robert.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever been that angry with Robert, not in all the time they’d been together.

Lying didn’t even come close to this, to letting someone say their relationship was disgusting, that it wasn’t right, and not even bother to stand up for himself.

“That’s not what I’m saying, Aaron.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything to him, eh? He was telling you it was disgusting that you were kissing your boyfriend in a nightclub, and you just stood there and took it.”

Robert sighed, rocking slightly on his heels. “It’s not worth causing a fight over,” he shrugged.

Aaron saw red. “Oh, I forgot, you have it easy, don’t you? You get to play it straight whenever you want, but me? This is my life Robert, I’ve got to deal with this shit whenever I’m in a relationship.”

“And you don’t think I get shit for being bi?” Robert practically screamed at him, the two of them completely causing a scene on the main street now, people looking at them as they fought. “I get shit from  _you_  all the time for being bi!”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“ _You get to play it straight_. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel, eh? My boyfriend thinks the same things that everyone else ever has about my sexuality, thinks I can play it straight whenever I want, that I need to just make up my mind.”

“When did I ever say that?”

Robert laughed bitterly. “You didn’t need to, did you? It’s written all over your face, Aaron. You bring it up every single fucking time we have a fight. What has me being bisexual got to do with this, eh?”

“Its easier for you!” Aaron blurted, unable to stop himself now. “You can break up with me, and fall in love with some gorgeous girl, and do the perfect, normal, two kids and a dog routine. Me? This is the rest of my life, Rob - some prick in a nightclub telling me I shouldn't be allowed to kiss anyone in public.”

Robert looked like he was right on the border between yelling, and crying, eyes shining under the artificial light of the street lamps. “No, I just get to have my own boyfriend tell me how it’s easier, how I can just be normal because I’m bisexual.”

“Robert -“

“No, I’m not listening to this anymore!” Robert interrupted, a sob catching in the back of his throat. “I lost out on having a dad for years, because I came out to him. He hated me until the day he died, Aaron, all because I’m bisexual. Is that easier, eh? Is it easier to have people constantly tell you to pick a side, don’t be greedy - telling you that you’re just having it both ways until you’re brave enough to admit you’re actually gay?”

Aaron didn’t say a word.

“Is it easier to have your boyfriend constantly make you feel like shit because of the one thing about yourself you can’t change?”

“I don’t -“

“You do,” Robert interrupted. “You find a way to throw it back in my face every single time we have a fight, Aaron, and I’m tired of it.”

“I’m tired of all of this,” Aaron found himself saying. “I’m tired of feeling like I can’t trust you anymore. I’m tired of having to try so hard to force this to work. I’m tired of this, Robert, I’m tired of us.”

“Yeah, me too,” Robert wiped roughly at his eyes, sniffing back his tears. “Guess it’s just not worth it anymore, is it?”

“No,” Aaron felt as though he was going to be sick, realising exactly what was happening. It was one am, and he was breaking up with his boyfriend of nearly a year, right next to the queue for the chippy. “It’s really not.”

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

They were supposed to be happy, him and Robert. The two of them against the world, doing it for real.

A year and a half of his life was about to come crashing down around him, and Aaron wasn’t ready.

“Get home safe, yeah?” Robert said, his choked up voice the only indication he was feeling as bad as Aaron was, tears streaming down Aaron’s cheeks, Aaron unable to do anything but let them fall. “Call me when you want to arrange a time to collect your things from mine, I guess.”

A year and a half.

It had been a year and a half, nearly, and here they were, in the middle of main street, talking about the pyjamas Aaron had at Robert’s, the book Robert had left on Aaron’s beside locker a week previous.

A year and a half of their lives knotted together, and they’ll just started to unravel it all.

“I love you,” Aaron found himself saying, wiping at his tears with a frustrated hand.

“I love you too,” Robert replied, rocking on his heels, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. “Not much we can do now though, is there? Not when - not when it isn’t worth it. Neither of us want this anymore, do we?”

Aaron wanted this. Aaron wanted this, and he knew Robert felt the same.

“That’s that then,” Aaron shrugged, trying to place it cool, trying to hold himself together. “We’re done.”

Robert mirrored the shrug. “We’re done then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. second year: ii

 

Breakups were weird, Aaron decided.

Breaking up with Ed, it had been alright, in the end. They’d cared about each other, loved each other, yes, but by the end of it all, both of them were ready to move on, Ed to Edinburgh, Aaron to Manchester.

They’d been ready to let go of each other, but Aaron hadn’t been ready to let go of Robert. He hadn’t even expected them to break up, not really - they’d decided to work through it all, not breakup after a screaming match on the high street.

Aaron felt like a zombie.

How - how were you supposed to just, keep going? Aaron was so used to every aspect of his life being caught up with Robert, every part of his life at university was tangled up in his boyfriend.

_Ex-boyfriend._

Robert was everywhere. There was things belonging to Robert scattered all over Aaron’s room, a selfie of the two of them was still his phone screen, a photo from Andy and Katie’s wedding blue-tacked to the wall behind his desk.

How was he supposed to move on?

Where was he even supposed to  _start_?

Aaron forced himself out of bed, pulling the photo down from the wall, tears welling in his eyes as he remembered how happy they’d been only a few short months ago. He’d never been more in love, than during those few days at the wedding, wrapped up in Robert, the celebratory atmosphere infectious.

Hell, they’d even talked about  _marriage_ , in their own sort of, dancing around it, making allusions to it, sort of way.

Wiping roughly at his eyes, Aaron opened the top drawer of his desk, shoving the photo at the back, away from anywhere he’d be tempted to look at it. He had to - he had to de-Robert his entire life now.

That’s how he was going to have to move on, by getting Robert out of his life.

That was the only way this was going to work.

Aaron set about methodologically gathering Robert’s things together, discarded t-shirts, a book or two, clothes that had made a home for themselves in one of Aaron’s drawers, doing his best to fold everything neatly on his bed when a knock on his bedroom door pulled him out of his trance.

“Aaron, mate - you decent?” Adam’s voice was loud, too loud, in the quiet of his room.

“Uh, yeah, come in,” Aaron’s voice was hoarse, hoarse from disuse, hoarse from crying himself to sleep.

Adam cracked open the door, giving him a concerned look as he stepped inside. “I haven’t see you for days, mate - do I need to talk to Robert about handing my best mate back?”

“I’ve been here,” Aaron mumbled, knowing Adam hadn’t noticed his presence in the house because Aaron had been determined to be alone (as alone as you could be, in a house of eight.)

He’d showered, and ate, when everyone else was out at lectures, always listening out to hear if anyone was in the kitchen before he went and made himself something to eat. Aaron hadn’t been in the mood to face anyone, let alone his nosey housemates.

“What’s happened?” Adam knew, of course he knew.

“Robert and I, we - uh, we broke up, Ads,” Aaron admitted, holding tightly to the t-shirt of Robert’s he was attempting to fold, the scent of Robert’s cologne still lingering on the material.

“Aaron, mate, I am so sorry,” Adam was crossing the room instantly, pulling him into a tight hug. “God, I am so sorry mate, can I do anything?”

“Un-break us up?” Aaron joked, clinging to his best mate. “I’ll be alright. I just needed time to process it all, I guess.”

“Breakups are no joke mate, you and Robert have been together ages,” Adam shook his head. “You should have told me, I’d have helped you out the past few days.”

Aaron shook his head. “I needed the time alone, honestly.”

“Well, you’re not alone, yeah? You’ve got me,” Adam pulled him in for another hug. “Lets order in some pizza tonight, make a proper lads night of it. I’ve got the Xbox hooked up to the telly and everything - killing some aliens will make you feel better.”

Aaron wasn’t so sure anything was going to make him feel better, but he found himself nodding. “Sounds good, thanks mate.”

“I mean it Aaron, you’re not alone.”

_Not alone._

Then why did Aaron feel the loneliest he had been in years, standing in a room with his best mate and wishing it was Robert there instead?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Robert finally set you free, then?” Scarlett joked, arriving into the living room like a whirlwind, reaching for a slice of pizza before either of them could reply.

Aaron was used to this, the jokes about how much time he spent at Robert’s. He usually didn’t mind, either, because usually he was spending time with his boyfriend, and  _that_  was worth all the teasing.

Now it just felt like a harsh reminder of everything he'd lost.

Aaron caught Adam trying to motion for Scarlett to shut up out of the corner of his eye, and he sighed, not bothering to take his eyes off the screen as he replied. “We broke up,” he said simply.

The hows, the whys - it wasn’t anyone else’s business, was it?

“Aaron, I’m so sorry.”

“Why? S’not like he died,” Aaron shrugged, hitting pause on the game. “I’m going to bed.”

“Aaron, mate, its barely eight o’clock -“

“I’m going to bed, Adam,” Aaron really didn’t have it in him to argue, not tonight. “Thanks for the pizza, it was a good distraction, yeah?”

“We’re here for you, Aaron!”

Aaron ignoring Scarlett’s reassurances as he hauled himself up the stairs, and into his bedroom. Even with his things neatly packed in a plastic bag, ready to give back to Robert, Aaron’s entire room seemed to be filled with his ex-boyfriend’s presence.

The memories were everywhere.

Aaron could take down the photos, and pack up Robert’s things, but the memories lingered in every corner of his room.

That evening he’d sat on Robert’s lap, his boyfriend trying to explain a computer programme he had to use for one of his business modules, the two of them squished onto Aaron’s rickety desk chair, Robert patient as anything as his explanations refused to click with Aaron.

That night they’d curled up in bed with a pint of ice-cream, and hate watched every single stupid movie they could find on Netflix. How they’d ended up talking for half the night, Robert’s cold hands shoved underneath his t-shirt, legs tangled together, as they talked about pizza toppings, and sports teams, and whether or not people could be in love forever.

(“Of course you can,” Aaron had said. “You just need to put the effort in, innit?”)

That one section of floor where a drunken Robert had fallen, Aaron trying desperately to quieten his boyfriend’s hysterical laughter, kissing him into silence, the two of them lying on the hard wooden floor.

Every inch of his room held a different memory of Robert, and Aaron hated it.

He used to love how Robert had this ability to make anywhere Aaron was in Manchester feel like home, from his dingy room in halls, to the cramped house he shared with seven other people, but now, now he just hated it.

Aaron hated it because now it felt as though nowhere was going to feel like home without Robert.

How were you supposed to get over a breakup when you were still desperately in love with the person you’d broken up with?

(You didn’t, Aaron assumed, clambering into bed, shoving his headphones on, determined to distract himself from any and all thoughts of Robert.)

(Robert Sugden wasn’t ever supposed to be someone he had to get over.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron had been dreading this, meeting up with Robert.

He hadn’t heard a thing from the other man in over a week, until he’d texted that morning, wondering if Aaron was free for coffee.

Coffee.

Over a year of Aaron’s life, and the best they could do was coffee.

(Breakups were the worst.)

“Hi,” Robert was sitting at their favourite table, one tucked away in the corner of the cafe, as close to private as you could get in your local coffeeshop. He looked exhausted, Aaron noted, outfit neatly pressed and put together, as always, but his eyes tired, hair barely styled.

At least he wasn’t doing well, Aaron noted selfishly.

Aaron didn't want to be the only one who was sad about this breakup.

“Hi,” Aaron echoed, easing himself into the seat across from Robert. “Did you order?”

Robert nodded. “I got you a mocha, I hope thats okay.”

“I haven’t changed my coffee order in the week since we broke up,” Aaron couldn’t hold back the sarcastic comment, deciding it’d be best if he just hid his real feelings. There was no point in letting Robert in again now.

“Talk about asking a stupid question, right?” Robert gave an awkward laugh. “How have you been?”

“Brilliant, you?”

“Aaron…”

“What do you want me to say, Robert? That I’m barely coping?” Aaron bit back. “I really don’t fancy sitting here and telling you all about how this has been the worst week of my life, and I’ve come close to calling you about a million times.”

Robert looked crestfallen. “Me too.”

“How did we end up like this, Robert?” Aaron sighed, slumping in his chair. “Things were good.”

“Things were good because we ignored all the things that were wrong,” Robert quipped, pausing briefly as the waitress brought over their coffees. “It wasn’t - it wasn’t going to work if we just lived in this bubble of happiness where nothing could possibly go wrong, was it?”

Aaron aimlessly stirred his coffee, unsure of what to say. “What was wrong with us, then?”

“You’re not okay with me being bisexual.”

Aaron’s heart clenched in his chest. “It’s not - it’s not that I’m not okay with it, Robert.”

“What is it then? Because it always comes back to me being bi, somehow,” Robert looked genuinely upset now, holding tightly to his mug of coffee.

Aaron hated this, hated how Robert reacted to any sort of talk about his sexuality. It felt like he was always walking on eggshells around Robert, wondering if he was going to make the wrong sort of comment and have Robert just,  _explode_.

“I guess I don’t understand it, you being bi,” Aaron finally replied.

“What don’t you understand?”

“How you can be happy with me, when you like both,” Aaron admitted. “I can’t be both, can I?”

“I don’t need you to be both,” Robert said, as though it was completely obvious. Maybe it was, but it didn’t feel so obvious to Aaron. “I just need you to be you, Aaron.”

Aaron shrugged, unsure of how to reply.

“Do you really think I need you to be both?” Robert leaned forward, brow furrowed. “That’s not - that’s not how bisexuality works, Aaron. It’s just - it doesn’t matter if you're a man, or a woman. I don’t have a gender preference, I don’t need to have both to be happy.”

Aaron nodded slowly. “So you don’t prefer being with girls, or whatever?”

“No.” Robert’s answer was short, definitive. “I prefer being with you, because I love you, Aaron. What I have - had - with you, I’ve never felt like that about anyone else before, man or woman.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, is that really all you have to say? This - this isn’t easy for me, Aaron,” Robert let out a frustrated noise. “I’ve been thinking about what to say to you all week, even rehearsed it in the mirror.”

“Have you not accepted it, or something?”

Robert’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I dunno, I just….. It’s still so hard for you to talk about, I want to now if you’ve actually accepted it?” Aaron asked. “You didn’t even try and defend us to those idiots in the nightclub. Is it because you’re ashamed of us, ashamed of being in love with a man?”

Robert was quiet for a second. “Yeah, I guess I am, a bit.”

Aaron’s stomach dropped. “You’re ashamed of me?”

“I love you,” Robert said firmly. “But I can’t - I can’t just forget all the things my dad said to me, Aaron, about how it wasn't normal, me liking lads, about how I should be ashamed of myself - that no son of his was going to be queer. I don’t think I’m ever going to forget all of that.”

“So you’re going to let it ruin any relationship you might have with a lad?” Aaron raised an eyebrow. He’d heard it all, at school - every insult, every way people could make him try and be ashamed of his sexuality.

He’d responded with his fists, sure, but he’d never let anyone else try and make him feel ashamed.

“Sounds mad, when you put it like that,” Robert sighed. “My dead dad is still ruining my relationships. A therapist would have a bloody field day with me, wouldn’t they?”

Aaron snorted. “Textbook ex-closet case, you.”

Robert’s face turned serious again. “I’m trying, Aaron,” he said quietly. “But I threw myself headfirst into a relationship with you, and I don’t know if I was ready.”

“Ready to be with me?”

“Ready to be with a man,” Robert corrected. “It’s - it’s scary, being out like this, being so open and honest about how I feel about you.”

“Is that why you lied to me?”

“I lied because I didn’t want to give you a reason to break up with me.”

“Ironic, that, seeing as we broke up anyway,” Aaron couldn’t bite back his sarcastic comment. He was still annoyed with Robert, regardless of how honest he was being, there and then.

“You’re such a comedian, you know that? I’m trying to be honest with you here!”

“Pity you didn’t do that months ago, mate,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “You’d have saved us a lot of hassle.”

Robert was stony faced now. “I’ll just go then, shall I? You’ve had your laugh about me being bisexual, and you’re clearly not listening to me, so whats the point?” he scraped his chair back, scrambling for his bag.

Aaron sighed. “Sit down, Rob.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Stop lying to me,” Aaron countered, giving Robert a pointed look.

Robert rolled his eyes, but slumped back into his chair, backpack hitting the floor with an almighty thump. “I lied because it’s what I do, Aaron - lying was the only way I ever had to protect myself.”

“Why do you have to protect yourself from me?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“It’s more I wanted to protect you from me,” Robert admitted, suddenly very interested in the bowl of sugar packets in front of him. “You deserve so much better than me, I knew that from the start.”

“I only ever wanted you, Robert,” Aaron said, watching as Robert looked up, eyes wide. “Why were you running before anything could even really go wrong, eh? We’re good together, you and me.”

“Happiest I’ve ever been,” Robert confirmed. “I don’t know, do I? I’m not very good at this.”

“At what, life?” Aaron joked.

“Being in love,” Robert said quietly, messing with the sugar packets again. “I was only with Rebecca for what I could gain from it. With you - I’m with you because I want to be, you know? You make me laugh. I didn’t want to risk the one good thing I have in my life by telling you about all the things I’d done wrong.”

“All you’ve done is make me not trust you, Robert,” Aaron admitted, figuring he might as well be honest now. “All I could think about when I found out about Connor and you was that maybe you were shagging him behind my back the entire time.”

“I would never cheat on you, Aaron,” Robert said fiercely, as though maintaining the mere idea of it made him angry.

“I used to believe that, and then you weren’t honest with me - about Bex, or Connor,” Aaron said. “Do you not understand how that made me feel? All I could think about was how my boyfriend could have easily slept with his two best friends if he got bored of me, because you’d already gone there with him, it wouldn’t have been that hard.”

Robert stayed silent, looking completely ashamed of himself.

“I just want to be with you, Robert,” Aaron said softly. “But I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, can I?”

“So where does that leave us?”

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know.”

(Limbo. That was where it left them, in limbo - broken up, but still oh so desperately in love.)

(Limbo wasn’t where Aaron wanted to be.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Space, they’d decided on having some  _space_.

Space meant staying broken up, and giving each other back their things, and space meant not talking every single day, and space meant not allowing themselves to be in love, and the more space they gave each other, the more Aaron hated it.

He didn’t feel as though space was helping at all, because Aaron still felt as in love with Robert as he had done the night they broke up, the week before it had all gone wrong, the month before.

Aaron’s feelings hadn’t lessened in the slightest, and it felt like he was just torturing himself, keeping himself away from Robert for the sake of it.

But that wasn’t  _why._ He had to stay away from Robert because he didn’t trust him, there and then, and that didn’t make for any sort of relationship, didn’t make for a happy relationship, at least.

Aaron wanted to be happy.

He wanted to be happy with Robert, yes, but most of all, he just wanted to be happy.

Not that he was feeling particularly happy right now, sitting alone in his room, listening to his housemates get ready for their night out.

He didn’t want to go out.

Aaron had never been much of a fan of clubbing anyway, and now it was just a reminder of all those nights he’d spend out with Robert, downing shots at the bar, avoiding dancing.

Aaron spied his runners out of the corner of his eye, and made his decision.

Maybe a run would clear his head.

Aaron quickly dressed himself in his running gear, just about remembering to snatch his headphones off his desk before he bounded down the stairs, ignoring a shout from Adam about where he was going.

He needed to be alone.

Aaron jogged on the spot, a few doors up from their house, scrolling through his Spotify, trying to find some random, generic playlist that was going to keep his mind on his run, and not make him think of Robert.

(He didn’t want to think of all those times they’d shared headphones, Robert trying to force him to listen to Fleetwood Mac, Aaron switching the songs to something horrific and dance music-y when he wasn’t paying attention.)

Aaron liked Manchester, now.

He probably would have grown to like Manchester even without Robert, without all the good times they’d had together, but Robert had helped, all the same.

He just needed to focus on liking Manchester without Robert around, now.

He’d been running for about ten minutes, when he spotted him.

Robert.

The universe, Aaron decided, was out to get him.

“Aaron!” Rebecca waved, enthusiastic as ever. They were clearly dressed to go out, Rebecca in her glittery best, Robert wearing those ridiculous Sexy Bastard jeans of his that Aaron loved so much.

Slowing to a stop, Aaron tugged his headphones off. “Hiya,” he greeted, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

“You not heading out tonight? I ran into Adam, earlier, he said he was going to try and drag you out,” Rebecca, to her credit, was doing her best to pretend things were as normal as possible.

Aaron shook his head. “I’m not on form for it, not really.”

Rebecca gave him a sympathetic smile. “Everyone misses having you around, you know.”

“Bex,” Robert gave her a warning look.

“I’m allowed to tell Aaron I miss him!” Rebecca slapped Robert on the shoulder, rolling her eyes. “I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”

Aaron gave her a grateful smile. “I am.”

“Right, well - catch me up, Robert!” Rebecca said, leaving before either of them could protest.

Robert shifted awkwardly, carefully looking at Aaron. “You look good.”

Aaron looked down at himself, the tight jacket and the shorts he was wearing. “It’s just running gear, Robert,” he shrugged.

“I can still think you look good,” Robert gave him a genuine smile. “You alright?”

“I guess,” Aaron shrugged again, rocking on his heels. “You heading out to pull then?”

“You know I’m not.”

“I don’t know, do I? We’re not together anymore,” Aaron bit back. “It’s no skin off my nose if you want to go out and shag some randomer, is it?”

Robert rolled his eyes. “I’m only going out because Bex had Victoria convince me,” he said. “I don’t want to shag some random person I meet in a nightclub, Aaron, because  I still just want to be with you.”

“Don’t let me hold you back,” Aaron huffed, moving to put his headphones back in.

“Aaron, come on,” Robert reached out, a hand on Aaron’s arm. “Please don’t be like this.”

“Like what? Mad? Heartbroken? I’m like this because of you, Robert,” Aaron practically spat. “If you’d just been honest with me, we’d still be together.”

“Just, tell me what I can do to make it up to you,” Robert pleaded, eyes wide and sincere. Aaron knew, Aaron knew he would do anything to fix this, that Robert would do anything to make things right, and a part of him wanted to accept, wanted to kiss Robert there and then, and just be with him, ignore all the things they’d done wrong, all the ways they’d hurt each other.

But he couldn’t.

“I don’t like being lied to, Robert,” Aaron shook his head, pulling his arm from Robert’s grasp. “I’m not ready to forgive you.”

“I’ll wait then - until you're ready,” Robert reassured. “Aaron, you’re the only person I want to be with. Some - some random girl, or lad in a club, they’re not going to come close to how you make me feel.”

“How do I make you feel, Robert?”

“You make me feel like I matter,” Robert said, stepping into Aaron’s personal space. He smelled like he always did, of that overpriced lime shower gel, the woody scent of his cologne.

Aaron couldn’t tear his gaze away from Robert. “You’ve always mattered to me, Robert.”

“That’s why I regret what happened - what I did - so much, Aaron,” Robert said. “No one has ever made me feel like you do, like I’m good enough, like I’m worth the hassle. People - people don’t forgive me, they don’t make me feel like I’m worth the bother.”

Aaron’s heart ached. “You’re worth it, Robert.”

“Then why are we doing this?” Robert was practically begging now. “Why are we staying broken up when we could be fixing this together? You and me - we’re good, Aaron, we’re so good together.”

“Until we’re not.”

“I love you,” Robert said. “Why does anything else have to matter?”

“It matters if I feel like I can’t trust you,” Aaron said. “I can’t be in a relationship where I’m constantly worried if you’re going off behind my back, and shagging someone else, or if I’m worried you’re lying to me about everything.”

Aaron could see tears shining in Robert’s eyes, tears the older man was refusing to cry, and he couldn’t help himself.

He hugged him.

Aaron threw his arms around Robert’s neck, and he hugged him tightly.

“I hate letting you down,” Robert mumbled, clinging to Aaron’s sweaty workout clothes, clearly unfazed by it.

“Being mad at you right now doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten all the good times we’ve had, Robert,” Aaron said quietly, lips pressed close to Robert’s ear. “I never will. I just need some time to figure out if I can be with you, without driving myself crazy, thinking about everything you could be doing behind my back.”

“I’d never -“

“I know you didn’t cheat on me,” Aaron interrupted. “I know, Robert. But I can’t help how I feel, and I don’t want us to be in a relationship where I can give it my all.”

“I just miss you so much,” Robert pulled back slightly, wiping roughly at his eyes, a hand still on Aaron’s waist. “I don’t think I know what to do with myself without you anymore.”

“Go and have a few drinks,” Aaron gave him a sad smile. “Have some fun with your friends.”

“I mean it, I’m not - I’m not looking to get with anyone,” Robert said. “I’ve got got eyes for you, you know.”

“Even when I’m all sweaty and disgusting?” Aaron joked.

“Always,” Robert replied simply, his smile a little brighter as they fell into their old routine of teasing each other, things feeling a little easier for the first time in weeks.

Aaron pressed his lips to Robert’s cheek, letting the kiss linger for a few seconds. “I wouldn’t make you wait forever, you know.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert replied. “I’d wait forever if it means I got to be with you again.”

(Forever should have felt like a terrifying word.)

(Somehow, hearing it, hearing Robert was in this for the long haul, break up or not, it felt like the closest to happy Aaron had been since that night on the high street since they’d ended it all.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here, in a packed nightclub, Scarlett and Adam flanking either side of him, one of their housemates ordering a round of tequila shots.

There was only going to be so long he’d get away with claiming heartbreak as a reason to not join on the house nights out.

“That guy has been staring at you for the last five minutes,” Scarlett nudged, directing Aaron’s gaze toward a guy hovering on the edge of the dance floor, beer in hand. he had a mass of dark hair, shocking against his pale skin, and he was wearing a neatly pressed flannel shirt.

Robert’s opposite.

“The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else, mate,” Adam grinned, nudging a shot toward Aaron. “What harm is it going to do?”

Aaron could do it.

He could walk up to that guy, and talk to him, and get himself a snog, at the very least.

But he was rooted to the ground, like his feet couldn’t physically move.

(Wouldn’t, not couldn’t. He could, if he really wanted.)

“Aaron? Go on mate, you’re not going to get over Robert if you stand around moping, you’ve got to move on!”

Aaron picked up the shot, raising it in a cheers before he downed the cheap tequila. “I needed the liquid confidence,” he lied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, crossing the room toward the stranger.

There was a brief moment of silence before Aaron spoke. “My friend caught ya staring,” he tried, trying to remember if he’d ever been able to flirt in his life, words sticking his throat as he tried to say something, anything.

“Couldn’t help myself, could I?”  he grinned. “Not when you look as good as you do.”

Aaron couldn't help but flush under the attention. “Yeah, alright,” he laughed off the compliment. “Come here often, then?”

“We going to keep making small talk, or are you going to let me snog you?” he asked.

“I don’t even know your name, mate.”

“Do you need to?” the dark haired boy raised an eyebrow, draining the last of his beer.

“I guess not,” Aaron’s gaze flickered to his lips, waiting for the other boy to move, to do something. He didn’t exactly trust himself to be the one to make the first move, to be able to close that gap and kiss someone who wasn’t Robert.

Aaron let his eyes flutter shut, as the other boy kissed him, pressing a beer flavoured kiss to his lips. He was different, to kissing Robert - felt different against Aaron’s lips, different under Aaron’s hands as he held onto the soft material of his shirt, trying to ignore the part of his brain that was screaming out  _‘this isn’t Robert, what are you doing?!’_

He couldn’t help but pull away, step back, when the other boy tried to shove his tongue down Aaron’s throat.

“I - I can’t do this,” Aaron shook his head, not bothering to wait for a reply before he bolted, spotting the exit sign overhead.

The fresh air was a relief, washing over his body as he stood, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

“Aaron, Aaron - mate, wait up. What happened?”

“I don’t want to get under anyone else, Ads,” Aaron sighed, leaning against the damp brick wall. “The only person I want is Robert, and snogging some random lad in a nightclub isn’t going to make me feel any better.”

“Tell me what I can do to help you feel better than,” Adam close to demanded, clearly not in the mood to hear any more ‘I’m fines’ from Aaron, not this time.

Aaron couldn’t blame him, really, it had been weeks since he’d really last been himself.

“Tell me how to fix things with Robert,” Aaron sighed, running a hand through his hair, frustrated.

Adam gave him a sympathetic look. “You still love him?”

“Of course I do, it’s only been a few weeks,” Aaron said, as though it was obvious. Of course he wasn’t going to get over Robert in a matter of weeks, was Adam insane?

“Then talk to him, you idiot!”

“I have!” Aaron protested. “But every time I look at him, I just can’t stop myself from thinking about all the lies he told me, Ads - all the things he didn’t tell me. How am I supposed to trust him again?”

“I don’t know,” Adam said honestly. “But you need to either find a way to forgive him, or you’ve got to try move on, mate. Because this - living in this weird limbo, where you still feel like you’re with him, but you’re not, its not going to work long term.”

“I know,” Aaron sighed, leaning his head back against the cold brick. “It used to be so simple.”

“Find a way to make it simple again then,” Adam clapped his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic smile. “You deserve to be happy, Aaron, and you’ve not been happy since you two broke up. Does that tell you something?”

It told him all the things Aaron had been telling himself for weeks, that he was still in love with Robert, that he wasn’t ready to move on, that he wanted to be with him.

But the  _lies_.

Aaron couldn’t just forgive those so easily.

“Lets head back in then,” Aaron said, giving Adam the best fake smile he could muster. “And get me moving on.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t think that lad is going to want to come near ya again, after you running away,” Adam snorted, the two of them heading back into the nightclub, bass thumping underneath their feet.

“I didn’t mean move on with him, ya dolt, I’m not ready for that,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “But I’m up for getting out of my mind drunk and forgetting Robert’s name.”

Adam grinned. “That, I can do.”

Aaron hated the library. He did, he really hated the university library with every fibre of his being. It was always too busy, always too packed full of distractions, people who talked too loudly, and clicked their pens too much, and generally drove him mad as he tried to get work done.

It didn’t  exactly help that Aaron’s mind wasn’t exactly on the essay he was supposed to be writing.

It had been a month, since he and Robert had broken up.

An entire month.

The breakup had been what they needed, Aaron knew that much, but he’d spent most of the last month going between desperately wanting Robert back, wanting to forgive it all without a second though, and knowing they needed the time apart.

Time, and space.

Aaron was starting to feel like there was such a thing as too much space, because he hadn't so much as heard a word from Robert since that night he'd ran into him and Rebecca while he was out running.

No, that was a lie.

Aaron had gotten a ‘take it easy with the runs’ text from Robert he'd decided to ignore, not because Robert was  _wrong_ , per say, but because he didn’t want to be sucked into a conversation with his ex, the kind of conversation where he’d admit to Robert he was running five nights a week, trying to get his brain to quieten down so he could sleep.

No, admitting that would just make Robert interfere.

“Hi.”

A quiet voice drew Aaron from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Robert sliding into the seat across from him. He looked good, better than he had done the last time Aaron had seen him, blond hair cut shorter again, Robert wearing a dark navy jumper that had always made Aaron weak at the knees.

“Hi,” Aaron couldn’t help but return the smile, despite how absolutely mashed his head was.

“You’re here late,” Robert commented, glancing at his watch.

“I’ve got an essay due, but my head is mashed,” Aaron admitted, gesturing vaguely at his laptop.

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Robert offered, an offer he’d made a thousand times before. A second pair of eyes was always a good idea, Robert used to say, taking Aaron’s laptop from him before he could fling it out a window.

Aaron shook his head. “I just need a break, I think. You - you fancy a walk?”

Robert looked surprised, just for a second, but he nodded, easing himself out of the hard plastic chair.

Aaron closed his laptop, grabbing his phone before he followed Robert out of the study room, and into the quiet hallways of the library. It was late enough on a Tuesday that there was only a few people there, most of the student population out getting drunk.

“How come you’re not out checking out whatever club Rebecca is promoting this week?” he asked, giving Robert a teasing grin.

Robert laughed. “I’ve got a project due, end of the week - and I’m not a total party animal, you know, I do study!”

He did, if Aaron was allowing himself to be honest. Robert probably studied more than any of his friends at university, his ex-boyfriend more focused and determined to get good grades than he’d ever admit.

But Aaron knew him.

Aaron knew how much he didn’t want to go back to Emmerdale when he graduated, how much Robert wanted to get himself a good job, and live somewhere as far from the Sugden family farm as he could get.

“Anyway, I should be more surprised that you’re here,” Robert joked. “I usually have to drag you to the library.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, sitting down on the windowsill, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m trying to take university seriously,” he said. “Second year is hard.”

Robert gave a nod of agreement, squeezing into the space next to him, the two of them sitting shoulder to shoulder, bodies pressed together. “All feels a bit more real now, doesn’t it?”

Aaron nodded, not surprised that his proximity to Robert was making his heart race in his chest, his attraction to Robert never waining, break-up or not. “Hows final year?”

“My supervisor scrapped my entire final year project idea,” Robert admitted. “Apparently it just wasn’t possible.”

“I’m sorry.”

Robert shrugged. “I probably should have listened to her sooner,” he admitted. “I’ll be okay.”

“Always are, you.”

“I’m good at pretending I am,” Robert admitted, gaze flickering toward Aaron’s lips. Whether it was intentional or not, it caught Aaron’s attention, and they sat in silence for a few torturously long minutes before Aaron stood up, grabbing Robert by the wrist, and dragging him toward the bathrooms.

This was a bad idea, Aaron decided, shoving Robert against the tiled wall of the bathroom, kissing him for all he was worth, like he was trying to get the taste of that random lad from the other week out of his mouth, erase the fact he’d kissed someone other than Robert.

Robert didn’t hesitate to respond, a hand in Aaron’s hair, another on his back, keeping him close as he blindly guided them into one of the stalls, conscious they weren’t the only people in the building.

Aaron tried to speak, as they broke apart, but Robert’s teeth gazed his neck just so, and he was gone, melting into Robert’s grasp, heart thudding in his chest as his ex-boyfriend dropped to his knees in the tiny cubicle, hands on Aaron’s belt buckle.

So maybe Robert on his knees was one of his favourite views, and maybe he didn’t want to interrupt him when he had such a look of concentration on his face, a look of complete and utter  _want_.

And maybe none of that was why Aaron didn’t try and stop Robert as he shoved Aaron’s jeans to the ground, familiar hands on Aaron’s thighs as Robert mouthed at his dick, a damp spot on Aaron’s underwear in a matter of seconds.

Maybe (definitely) he didn’t stop Robert because Aaron didn’t want to stop him at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron had messed up Robert’s hair.

He hadn’t meant to, not really, but it was either grasp at Robert’s hair, or have nothing at all to hold onto while he’d gotten the blowjob of his life, the shiny tiled walls of the library bathroom slippery under his fingers.

Robert didn’t seem to mind, straightening his jumper as they stepped out of the cubicle, a satisfied smirk on his face. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s mouth, Aaron wincing at the taste.

“Hey, you love it when I swallow,” Robert winked, though he was already leaning over the sink, scooping some cold water into his mouth, washing away the lingering taste of Aaron’s orgasm.

“I don’t really care,” Aaron said honestly, absently reaching out and flattening down the back of Robert’s hair. His boyfriend was obsessed with keeping his hair perfect.

Ex-boyfriend.

They were broken up.

The reality of the face he’d just exchanged a fairly spectacular round of blowjobs in the library bathroom with his ex-boyfriend hit Aaron like a tonne of bricks, his heart racing in his chest.

“This was such a bad idea,” he blurted, dropping his hand from Robert’s head, as though it was on fire. “We broke up, Robert.”

“We can get back together,” Robert didn’t seem the slightest bit phased by any of it. “Aaron, you know all I want is to be with you again.”

“I don’t want to be with you,” Aaron said, before he could really even think about what he was saying.

Robert’s face fell, his earnest expression gone. “Right, well - could you have told me that before I gave you a blowjob in the bathrooms? Save me getting my hopes up and all that?”

“Robert, I didn’t -"

“If you say you didn’t mean it, I’ll - I’ll  _scream_ , Aaron,” Robert looked visibly upset, standing, hands on hips. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it.”

Aaron bit down on the side of his lip, unsure of what to say.

“How long are you going to keep punishing me for making one mistake, Aaron?” Robert said. “I’ve apologised, I’ve told you why I lied to you, and I’ve tried my best to make it up to you, and somehow - somehow, I’m still the worst person in the world to you.”

“You’re not the worst person in the world, Robert.”

“Wow, what a  _glowing_ review,” Robert rolled his eyes. “When am I going to get an apology from you, eh?”

Aaron’s eyes narrowed. “For  _what_?”

“Making me feel as though you were just waiting for an excuse to break up with me, because you can’t handle me being bisexual,” Robert practically spat. “Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? You don’t like the fact I like both.”

Aaron was lost for words. “I don’t - I don’t understand it,” he admitted.

“How do you think that makes me feel?” Robert’s cheeks were red, the way they’d always gone when Katie was trying to wind him up, his frustration clear. “The one person that I thought understood,  _doesn’t_.”

“I just don’t get how you can like both.”

“I don’t get how you can’t,” Robert countered. “Why can’t you just try to understand, Aaron?”

Aaron stayed quiet.

He’d never tried, he guessed.

“You know what? I’m done,” Robert shook his head. “I’m done waiting around for you to find a way to be okay with me being bisexual, so you can be with me. I’m bi, Aaron, and if you can’t be okay with that, then we’re done - for good.”

“You lied to me.”

“And you’re making me feel the exact same way my dad did,” Robert looked  _furious_ , angrier than Aaron had ever seen him. “Guess we’re even now, yeah?”

“Robert -“ Aaron reached out, putting a gentle hand on Robert’s arm. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’ve said everything I need to say,” Robert tore his arm out of Aaron’s grasp. “I just want you, Aaron, but I’m not going to let you make me feel like shit about my sexuality. You - you need to figure your problem with me being bi out, and then maybe we can talk like actual adults.”

With that, Robert stormed out of the bathroom, leaving Aaron alone with his thoughts.

_What had he done?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn’t mind their local gay bar. The drinks were cheap, and it had a nice atmosphere, and most of the time, he loved going - loved having that feeling of belonging, the community aspect of it all, a bar where he wasn’t going to get some homophobic bastard giving him shit for snogging his boyfriend.

Tonight had been alright, really, until he’d spotted him.

Robert.

They hadn’t so much as seen each other since the incident in the library, let alone spoken to each other, and yet here he was, sitting at one of the corner tables, blatantly flirting with some dark haired lad Aaron didn’t recognise.

Robert never came to the bar. He claimed it was because the music was terrible (and to be fair, most of the time, it was) but Aaron had always figured there was more too it, that he didn’t like gay bars in general.

Yet here he was, flirting like his life depended on it.

Aaron didn’t want to watch it, but he found he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“You know, he looks a bit like you,” Scarlett commented, following his gaze to the table where Robert was sitting, leaning in uncomfortably close to whoever he was chatting up.

“He’s making a point,” Aaron muttered, draining the last of his bottle of beer, reaching for another. Adam had just gotten a round in, and Aaron was determined to get absolutely bladdered drunk.

“Just talk to him, Aaron.”

Aaron shook his head. “Nah, couldn’t be bothered,” he shrugged off her concern, refusing to move his gaze from Robert and the mystery man, even when Robert leaned in and kissed him.

He was kissing someone else, and right in front of Aaron’s face.

What a  _bastard._

“Aaron, mate -“

Aaron turned to glare at Adam, stopping his best mate mid-sentence. “I’m fine, Ads.”

“You don’t look fine,” Adam said knowingly, a worried gaze on Aaron’s rapidly disappearing beer.

“We broke up, he can do whatever -  _whoever_  - he likes,” Aaron shrugged, standing up. “Tequila sound good?”

Ignoring the concerned look that passed between Adam and Scarlett, Aaron headed for the bar, determined to get drunk enough that he’d forget he’d ever been in love with Robert fucking Sugden in the first place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron could barely stand, he was so drunk.

He’d lost track of Adam and Scarlett ages ago, heading for the chip shop without a word.

Robert had left with the dark haired, carbon copy of Aaron around one am, and Aaron had close to cried.

He knew it was his own fault.

Aaron wasn’t stupid.

He knew he’d caused this, made Robert angry enough to be  _cruel_ , but he was still upset.

Fumbling with his chips, Aaron rooted his phone out of his jacket pocket, ignoring the frenzy of texts he’d gotten from Adam and Scarlett, dialling Robert’s number. He knew it by heart even now, nearly two months after their breakup.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron blurted as Robert’s voicemail kicked in. “I’m sorry I made you feel like your dad did. I’m sorry I don’t understand - I’m sorry I haven’t tried to. I just - you could have anyone you wanted, boy or girl, but you want me, and I don’t get it. I don’t get why I’m your first choice. People - people don’t stay with me, Robert, and I figured if I used you lying as an excuse to push you away, it’d be easier.”

Easier.

That was a funny thought.

“I love you,” Aaron wiped roughly at his tears, all but collapsing onto a close-by wall, the bricks damp under his trousers, chips tumbling out of the paper bag and onto the ground. “I love you, and I miss you, and I don’t know how to fix this, Robert. I just - I don’t even know why I’m calling you, you took that guy home and he’s probably - I dunno, you’re probably having the best sex of your life right now, and I’ve just dropped my chips, and I miss you.”

“ _Aaron_?” Robert’s voice crackled over the phone, worry evident.

Aaron could have cried. “I thought I was talking to your voicemail,” he hiccuped. “Robert, I thought it was your voicemail.”

“ _Where are you_?”

Aaron looked around, spotting a vaguely familiar sign in front of him. “Across the road from Starbucks on the high street,” he mumbled. “‘M sorry.”

“I’ll come get you, okay?”

“I dropped my chips,” Aaron said forlornly, looking at the mess on the ground, potato turning soggy as the light drizzle turned to torrential rain, soaking him to the skin in a matter of minutes.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, getting soaked to the bone, his clothes sticking to him, making him shiver with the cold, but eventually - eventually Robert arrived, umbrella in hand and a worried look on his face.

“‘M sorry,” Aaron mumbled, kicking at the ground, splashing water around their feet.

“You’ll catch your death out here.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Robert rolled his eyes, hoisting Aaron off the wall, holding tightly to his waist. “Let’s get out of here, you drunk mess.”

Aaron clung to Robert’s jacket, his hiccups starting up again. “Did I ruin your night?”

Robert fixed him with a serious look. “I never took him home, Aaron.”

He didn’t take him home.

He didn’t.

Aaron could have cried with relief. “‘M sorry.”

“We can talk tomorrow, yeah? Let’s just get you home and dry,” Robert held him close, supporting both of their weights as they struggled down the narrow footpath, Aaron tripping over his own feet.

Talking.

Aaron wasn’t looking forward to that bit, but he was definitely okay with the idea of a hot shower and some dry clothes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All the better if both of those things involved Robert.

Aaron had been hungover before, sure. He was twenty and at university, of course he’d been hungover before - but this hangover? This hangover felt like  _death_ , like he was honest to god about ten minutes from just keeling over and dying.

His head was spinning, and he knew it was a combination of the alcohol and the tears, Aaron having quietly cried the entire walk back to Robert’s house, like he was some kind of  _baby_ , his head banging.

Easing himself into a sitting position, Aaron realised Robert was sitting at his desk, tea in hand as he flicked through a book. “Morning,” he greeted gruffly, voice hoarse, his throat feeling as though it had been filled with grit.

Robert looked up from his book, brow furrowed, as though he’d been concentrating particularly hard. “You alright?” he asked simply.

“I feel like death warmed up,” Aaron admitted, grateful Robert had apparently given him clothes to sleep in the previous night, Aaron bundled up in an old hoodie and tracksuit bottoms.

“You want tea?”

Aaron shook his head. “I’m not sure I could stomach it, honestly,” he said quietly, reaching for the glass of water on Robert’s bedside, figuring it was as good a place as any to start.

An awkward silence lingered between them for a few minutes before Robert piped up.

“This is stupid,” he sighed. “We used to be able to talk about anything, you and me, and now we’re sitting here like we’re a pair of strangers.”

“It’s all a mess really, isn’t it?” Robert agreed, sipping at his cup of tea, draining the last of it before he set his mug down on his desk, padding across the room to join Aaron on his bed, sitting cross legged in front of him.

“I don’t know where to start,” Aaron chewed at the side of his lip, at a loss for words. In the few weeks since they’d called time on their relationship, they’d managed to just make things worse with every conversation they had.

“I’ll start, then,” Robert said, taking a deep, steadying breath. “I am sorry I lied to you, I am - but it’s starting to feel like you’re using that as an excuse to punish me for things I have no control over, like me being bi.”

“You broke my trust,” Aaron countered. “But that doesn’t make it okay for me to make you feel like shit because you’re bi, or whatever.”

“It doesn’t,” Robert agreed. “Me lying - it had nothing to do with me being bisexual, or not.”

“I know,” Aaron nodded. “I just - I let my insecurities get the better of me, don’t I?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I only want you, eh?” Robert said. “I know - I know I don’t exactly help, lying to ya and all, but I was trying to protect you, protect  _myself_ , I suppose.”

“From what?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said honestly. “I guess I’ve been afraid you’ll see me for who I am the whole time we’ve been together.”

“Who’s that then?”

“Someone who’s not worth your time,” Robert shrugged. “All I’ve ever done is cause people hassle, let them down. I had an affair with my brothers girlfriend, I wasn’t even on speaking terms with my dad when he died. What kind of person does that make me?”

“It’s not as though your dad was much of a dad to ya, though.”

“I got drunk out of my mind at his funeral,” Robert admitted. “Bladdered before we even got him in the ground.”

Aaron tried to give him his best comforting look. “You’ve never let me down.”

“But I have,” Robert shook his head. “That’s why we broke up, I lied to you, and I let you down. I don’t want to let you down ever again, but you’ve got to at least give me the chance to prove that to you, and not push me away.”

“I push you away because its easier, Robert,” Aaron admitted, picking at a loose thread in Robert’s duvet, covers familiar under his fingertips. “My mum walked out on me, when I was a kid.”

Robert’s eyes were wide with shock. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Proper messed me up, it did,” Aaron continued, willing his heartbeat to slow a little. He wasn’t planning on telling Robert  _everything,_ wasn’t sure if he could tell the other man everything he’d never admitted aloud to anyone else - not yet, anyway. “My dad kicked me out when I was fourteen, best thing he ever did, really.”

“Did you two not get on?”

_Understatement of the century._

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Aaron said, unable to help how harsh he sounded at the mention of his father. He didn’t want to talk about Gordon, and he couldn’t, he really couldn’t.

“Sorry,” Robert shrank back a little, looking genuinely apologetic.

“No, I’m sorry,” Aaron shook his head. “I just don’t like talking about him, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m just not used to people wanting to stick by me, I guess - so I get in my own head about it sometimes, and I panic, and I push people away, because thats easier than you waking up one day and realising you don’t want me around anymore,” Aaron hated how childlike he sounded as he spoke, all his insecurities gushing out at once.

He didn’t like having to admit this, admit he lived his life waiting for everyone he loved to leave him, to wake up and realise Aaron Dingle just wasn’t worth the hassle, but it was true.

He’d felt that way for a long time, now.

“I know - I know promising forevers is hardly going to change how you feel in an instant,” Robert began, sounding unsure of himself as he spoke. “But the way I feel when I’m with you, I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robert confirmed. “I didn’t even hesitate, when we decided to be together for real, and I - I’ve never been in a proper relationship with a man, before. The idea of it should have been terrifying to me, but it wasn’t, it felt right, because it’s you, and the way you make me feel Aaron - I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to describe it to you.”

Aaron smiled softly. “Try.”

“You make me feel like I can take on the world - however cheesy that is,” Robert grinned.

“You make me feel that way too,” Aaron said, a knot of nerves still well settled in his stomach. “But…. My insecurities, feeling like I can’t trust you, that’s not going to go away because of one conversation.”

“I know,” Robert nodded. “But doesn’t talking make you feel better?”

Aaron let out a short laugh. “Yeah, it does, actually.”

“The why don’t we just keep talking?” Robert urged. “Because clearly - clearly not talking at all doesn’t work for us. Let’s just, be friends - no pressure. And if we figure out how to make this - us - work again, then we let it happen.”

“Us, friends?” Aaron raised an eyebrow. He’d known Robert for close to a year and a half now, and friends had never been a stage in their relationship. They’d gone from zero to one hundred, strangers to shagging the daylights out of each other.

“Yeah, friends,” Robert laughed. “Think you can do it?”

“Think you can keep it in your pants, more like,” Aaron grinned. “Alright then, we’re mates.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being mates with Robert was  _weird._ They didn’t talk everyday, but they were talking more, and Aaron’s head felt a thousand times more settled.

Knowing he could text Robert now, and actually talk to him, no pressure, it was good.

Great, even.

Aaron still loved him, he’d always love him, but he wasn’t going to try and force a relationship to work when he knew it couldn’t, not when he felt as insecure as he did, as unwilling to trust Robert as he did there and then.

Time would fix it, Aaron was sure of it.

His happier mood did have some unintentional consequences, though - like Scarlett and Adam deciding he had no excuses not to come to the blacklight party in town with them that evening.

Aaron didn’t like nightclubs. It was a well known fact, a proven thing, that Aaron Dingle did not like nightclubs, and yet - here he was, standing in the queue for a crap nightclub, shivering against the early December cold in his thin white t-shirt.

He wasn’t drunk enough to enjoy this party, Aaron decided as they were hoarded in through the doors, overpriced tickets for the party taken from them by the promo team standing at the door.

Aaron was completely surrounded by ridiculous university students who were all absolutely off their faces on a combination of cheap shots and weed he could smell a mile off as he entered the club, stripes of neon paint across everyone’s faces, the garish colours lighting up under the florescent lighting of the nightclub, and he was nowhere near drunk enough to be enjoying it.

“Fancy meeting you here, stranger.”

Aaron turned around to see Robert standing next to him, wearing a pristine white t-shirt, his hair immaculately styled. He was covered in neon paint, orange and pink swirls painted all across his face, down his neck. He shouldn’t have looked good, but god - he did, he really did.

“I should have known this was your scene,” he teased, the two of them standing to the side of the dancefloor.

The blacklights were making Robert’s eyes look even bluer than usual, shining brightly under the fluorescent lighting. He had no right, Aaron decided, to look as good as he did there and then, all freckled cheeks, and perfectly messy blond hair, orange and pink swirls neatly painted across his cheeks.

“Rebecca organised it,” Robert admitted. “She gave me a free ticket, so I said I’d come along.”

“Lucky, I paid ten quid to come to this stupid thing,” Aaron sighed.

“Well, we’d best make the most of your ten quid then, shouldn’t we?” Robert grinned, tugging on Aaron’s wrist, dragging him toward a table at the back of the bar, loaded with neon paint.

“I’m not letting you get paint on me, Robert,” Aaron shook his head, scrunching up his nose at the selection of horrifically bright colours laid out in front of him.

“Come on, it’s a blacklight party, you have to!” Robert rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a stick in the mud.”

“Fine. But don’t go mad.”

Robert grinned, dipping the paint brush in the bright orange paint pot. The paint was cold against Aaron’s skin as Robert drew swirls across his face, the brush tracing lines down Aaron’s neck.

The paint was cold, making the hairs on his neck rise as Robert meticulously painted patterns and dots and lines onto Aaron’s skin, ruining the cheap white t-shirt he’d bought especially for the occasion.

Robert reached out and tugged the collar of Aaron’s t-shirt aside, exposing his collarbone. Aaron’s eyes fluttered shut as Robert’s antics continued, goosebumps rising across his chest as the cold paint touched his skin.

It didn’t help that Robert was getting so up close and personal, Aaron able to sell the familiar scent of his ex-boyfriend’s cologne, his heart racing as Robert’s face hovered inches from his own, a look of concentration on the blond’s face.

“Suits you,” Robert breathed against his ear, discarding the paint brush.

The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.

“Sure,” Aaron rolled his eyes, not moving from where he stood, refusing to give into Robert’s antics.

Friends did not snog each other in nightclubs.

(Or maybe they did.)

In a split second, Robert’s lips were on his, Aaron nearly dropping his beer bottle in shock. It took him a second before he responded, winding the fingers of his free hand in Robert’s hair, sliding his tongue into the taller man’s mouth.

It was all teeth and cheap tequila, but felt like everything he’d been missing from his life since they’d broken up, Robert’s lips familiar against his own, Robert’s body the same under his hands. They were both panting for breath as they broke apart, Aaron snorting as he noticed the paint smeared messily across Robert’s chin, turning the neat patterns of orange and pink into a smudged mess.

“What?” Robert raised an eyebrow, his hands on Aaron’s waist, as though this was the most normal thing for a pair of exes to be doing.”

“You look like an idiot,” Aaron snorted.

“So do you,” Robert said, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips. It wasn’t as messy this time around, the embrace weirdly gentle for a snog in the middle of a nightclub. “Let’s dance.”

“I don’t dance, remember?”

“Mm, I think you’ll find that you do, actually,” Robert smirked, dragging Aaron by the hand into the throng of students, the bass thumping under their feet, the two of them instantly surrounded by sweaty, badly dancing students, all of them glowing under the blacklights.

Aaron couldn’t help but laugh at how ludicrous the whole situation was, dancing in a night club with Robert, his ex boyfriends hands his waist and lips on his neck, like they’d never broken up at all.

The sensation made Aaron lose his mind a bit, slinging an arm around Robert’s shoulders as the blonde made him dance, the two of them awkwardly swaying in the middle of the crowd, completely out of time to the trashy pop song that was blasting in the background.

Aaron pulled his head back, taking a second to look at Robert. The neon paint seemed to make his bluey-green eyes shine brightly, even under the shitty blue lighting of the club. His hair was matted with sweat, pushed back off his forehead messily - and  _God_ , Aaron wanted him.

He wanted him there and then, crowds and people be dammed.

Launching himself at Robert’s lips, Aaron tugged their bodies flush against each other, one of his hands sliding down Robert’s back, the material of Robert’s t-shirt damp against his fingertips.

“Fucking hell,” Robert panted against Aaron’s ear, his cheeks clearly flushed, even under the flaky neon paint. “I want you. Aaron - god, I want you so badly.”

Aaron could hear it, could hear the want in Robert’s voice. Robert clearly hadn’t lost that ability of his to make him feel like the most wanted person in the world, like he needed to be with Aaron to  _breathe_.

“Then do something about it,” Aaron smirked, his hand dropping from his place on Robert’s back to his arse, squeezing the blonde man through the material of his jeans. It got him the reaction he wanted, Robert grabbing him by the waist and shoving him toward the bathrooms.

Aaron felt as close as you could get to high without  _actually_  doing drugs as Robert ignored the other people in the bathroom, shoving Aaron into a stall. There was a second of silence, of uncertainty before they both moved, Aaron reaching for Robert’s belt, unbuckling it quickly.

“I uh, I haven’t got anything,” Robert said, his breathing uneven as Aaron yanked his jeans past his hips, palming Robert’s half hard cock through his boxers.

“Me neither,” Aaron’s hands stilled, thinking for a second. He was so bloody turned on it was insane, but he wasn't going to let Robert fuck him without a condom in a grimy student club bathroom, not when they’d never been tested, so maybe it was time to be a bit creative.

He flashed Robert a grin, pushing Robert’s boxers down, getting to his knees. Ghosting his breath over Robert’s shaft, Aaron cracked his jaw slightly before he swallowed his dick, the salty pre-cum making him wince slightly.

He  _hated_  that fucking taste.

“Oh my god -  _Aaron,_ ” Robert said brokenly, his hands in Aaron’s hair, melting into Aaron’s embrace. Aaron had discovered fairly early on in their relationship that the quickest way to Robert’s heart was blowjobs, and nothing made him lose his mind quite like Aaron’s mouth on his cock.

Aaron squeezed Robert’s thigh in response, relaxing his jaw so he could swallow Robert down further, his cock hitting the back of Aaron’s throat. He went on for a couple more seconds before he felt Robert tugging at his t-shirt, letting go of his cock with a pop.

“I forgot you basically don’t have a gag reflex,” Robert’s breathing was unsteady, his head banging back against the wall of the cubicle.

“Are you going to admire my amazing blowjob skills all night, or are you actually going to do something?” Aaron countered, fixing Robert with a determined look.

“Shut up,” Robert rolled his eyes, kissing Aaron roughly, sliding his tongue into his mouth. He fumbled with Aaron’s belt blindly, his hand slipping into Aaron’s boxers.

God, he had gorgeous hands. Aaron panted against Robert’s mouth as the other man stroked him, taking a second to get the angle, the rhythm right - but when he got it right,  _fucking hell._

Aaron blindly reached between them, loosely gripping Robert’s cock in his hand, their kisses getting messy and desperate and they both got closer to orgasm. Aaron’s knees nearly gave out as Robert bit down on his lip, groaning into his mouth as he came, Aaron following him a second later.

They didn’t move for a second, their foreheads pressed together, both of them trying to catch their breath again.

“So much for friends, no pressure, eh?” Aaron snorted, Robert returning the grin.

“I don’t think you and I will ever just be friends,” Robert hummed, cheeks flushed and a blissed out look on his face as he kissed Aaron, long and slow. “Come on, let’s go get a drink.”

“We’re not going to talk about this?”

“I don’t want to,” Robert admitted. “Don’t want to risk ruining the moment - and the orgasm.”

Aaron laughed, passing Robert a wad of tissue so he could clean himself up. “I don’t either.”

“Then let’s just go and do some shots, and have fun, yeah? Exams are around the corner, and I don’t want to spend tonight fighting with ya, or stressing over what we are, or aren’t,” Robert shrugged, fixing his trousers.

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Then lets go and get a drink,” Robert grinned, unlocking the toilet stall, heading back into the hallway. They ignored the queue for the bathrooms and the occasional knowing snigger, mostly because they could definitely hear a fairly distinctive moan coming from the stall next to theirs.

They were halfway to the bar when they ran into Scarlett and Adam, both of them stopping dead in their tracks.

“Aaron! We were looking for you, I was going to say I spotted Robert here, but you two clearly found each other already,” Scarlett smirked, her gaze flickering between the two of them.

“Yeah, ran into each other at the bar,” Robert shrugged. “Got chatting again.”

“Chatting?” Adam sniggered, an arm slung across Scarlett’s shoulders. They were both covered in the garish neon paint, looking absolutely gleeful. “ _Mate_ , you probably should have tried better to hide what you were getting up to, you know cum shows up under blacklights?”

Aaron’s heart dropped into his stomach as he looked down and noticed that the crotch of his jeans was glowing under the blue lights, Robert’s the same, their hands equally as blue.

He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for a second before he realised Robert was laughing, the blond absolutely creasing himself with laughter, practically doubled over as he realised how obvious it was they’d just had a bit of a sex with your ex shag in the bathrooms.

“You can’t say we’re not classy,” Robert snorted, his laughter infectious, Aaron exploding into a fit of the giggles too. “Fancy a round of shots? I’m buying.”

“Yup. Yup, definitely.” Aaron shoved his toward the bar, standing up on his tiptoes slightly so he could whisper in Robert’s ear. “I can still taste your dick in my mouth, so it had better be something half decent.”

Robert stopped in his tracks, his eyes fluttering shut. “Don’t say things like that to me when your housemates are half a foot away.”

Aaron grinned. “I think they know what we just got up to, it’s alright,” ran his finger across Robert’s cheek, smearing the neon paint even more so than it already had been. “Wallet out, Sugden, you promised a round of shots and well - I earned it, didn’t I?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They didn’t talk about it.

 _Unsurprisingly_.

Things just went on in their strange new normal for weeks, exams the perfectly timed distraction from the conversation about their relationship neither of them really wanted to have.

Aaron was happy to just let things be, let it all linger for a while long.

Until Victoria invited him to Emmerdale for New Years. He wasn’t going to go, he really wasn’t - it was just awkward, your ex-boyfriend’s little sister inviting you to their New Years Eve party.

But then it dawned on him.

Why the hell  _wasn’t_  he with Robert, again?

Aaron knew they’d needed the break, the space from each other - but that night at the blacklight party, it had shifted something in their sort of friendship again, and Aaron knew he just wanted to be with Robert.

They could figure out the rest, right?

Right.

But he hadn’t figured that out right away, and his indecision had resulted in him driving Paddy’s newly learner plated up car down the backroads to Emmerdale at a quarter to midnight, desperate to make it to the pub Victoria said they'd be in on time.

Aaron wasn’t a one for romantic gestures, he really wasn’t. That was Robert’s forte, he was the one who organised dates and did the whole romantic boyfriend thing, but there was definitely something romantic about pelting it to see your ex-boyfriend at New Years, because you couldn’t stand not to be with him any longer.

Aaron pulled up to the Woolpack just as people were spilling out of the doors, ready for the strike of midnight and the fireworks that were set up on the village green. He spotted Robert as soon as he could out of the car, pint in hand and his leather jacket on, standing with Victoria and Andy.

Pocketing the keys of Paddy’s car, Aaron weaved his way through the crowd, Victoria the first to spot him, a massive grin on her face as she realised he’d come, he was actually here.

“Robert,” Aaron tugged on his sleeve, forcing a shocked Robert to turn and look at him.

“What - what are you doing here?” Robert looked utterly confused.

“I love you,” Aaron blurted out. “I love you, and I don’t want to not be with you anymore. I know things aren’t fixed, I know we need to talk about a lot still, but Robert - Robert, I love you. I want to be with you.”

“Aaron, I…” Robert trailed off, shoving his pint glass at Victoria, giving him a grin about a mile wide. “I love you too, you idiot. All I’ve wanted since we broke up was to get back with you.”

Aaron couldn’t wipe the smile from his face, stepping closer to Robert. “What are you waiting for then?” he teased, tilting his chin upwards, a clear invitation for a kiss, Robert barely taking half a second before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Aaron’s, kissing him for all he was worth.

For the first time in weeks, Aaron felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be, kissing Robert,  _with_ Robert.

“Happy New Year,” Robert murmured, lips barely half an inch from Aaron’s as he spoke, the clock ticking over to midnight, fireworks exploding behind them. It was all horrendously cheesy, but Aaron couldn’t bring himself to care, not when a stupidly happy feeling had settled in his stomach, not he had Robert’s hands on his waist again.

(Finally, fucking  _finally_.)

“Happy anniversary,” Robert countered with a grin. “Think we’ll make it the full year next year without breaking up?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Shut up and kiss me - unless you don’t even want to make it through the first day of this year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the delay with this chapter, i hadn't intended to leave it at such an angsty cliffhanger for so long, but life happens. i hope this chapter made up for it though!
> 
> unfortunately, it'll probably be about two weeks before i update again - i've got a crazy week or so ahead of me at university, and then i'm actually going home for a few days, so i'm not sure when i'll have time to write properly.


	6. second year: iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few prior warnings before this chapter starts - aaron struggles with his mental health in this chapter, and relapses regarding his self harm. the self harm isn't explicit, nor is the actual act described, but you're not left in any doubt as to what he's done. if you want to skip that section, it begins after a series of text messages mid-way through the chapter, and while the sections after aaron's hospital visit do deal with the aftermath of his struggles, his self harm isn't mentioned. 
> 
> there's a brief scene toward the end of the chapter where theres some recreational drug use, if that's not your thing! also, some biphobia and a singular use of the f-slur. 
> 
> anyways, enjoy (it's a happier chapter than that first warning would lead you to believe.)

It took Aaron a second to remember why he was in an unfamiliar bed, when he woke up, remember why there was arms wrapped around him, why he could feel someone else’s body curled around his.

Robert.

Aaron couldn’t stop the grin that was practically splitting his face in two as he remembered, remembered how he’d driven the whole way to Emmerdale, how he’d told Robert how he felt, how he’d rung in the New Year snogging the life out of his ex-boyfriend.

(Snogging, and then some.)

“Morning,” Robert’s sleepy, hoarse voice broke the quiet of his room, his breath warm against the back of Aaron’s neck, a familiar comfort he’d missed during all those months they’d spent apart. 

“Morning,” Aaron replied, stroking a thumb over the hand Robert was resting on his stomach, palm warm against Aaron’s skin. It felt good, it felt _right_ , like it was exactly where Aaron was supposed to be.

And it was, it _definitely_ was.

“I’ve missed this,” Robert admitted, lips brushing against the back of Aaron’s neck, the action familiar and unfamiliar all at once, all those weeks they’d spent apart feeling more lime a lifetime, especially now he had Robert back, had Robert wrapped around him, as though they’d never broken up at all. “I’ve missed waking up with you.”

“Me too,” Aaron admitted, thinking of all the mornings he’d woken up, the emptiness of his bed making his heart ache. He liked this part of being in a relationship, the quiet moments when it was just him and Robert, and nothing and no one else - no university work to focus on, no nosey housemates, nothing. It was a blissful ten, twenty minutes where him and Robert were the only two people in the world, and Aaron had missed that.

“What time do you have to leave at?” Robert asked, after a few minutes of comfortable silence, the two of them just enjoying each others company, enjoying the warmth of Robert’s thick, downy duvet. 

Emmerdale Farm was a draughty old farmhouse, but you’d never know, not with the forever crackling fire in the living room, the heating Diane permanently had on during the winter months. There was something cosy about the farm, about the place Robert was always so determined to leave. 

Aaron would never say, not when he knew just how much Robert hated the village, hated the farm that was only ever a reminder of his father and everything that had happened between them, but Aaron quite liked Emmerdale. He’d grown up in a nondescript housing estate in Leeds, and while their house was _nice_ , it didn’t have the same homely feel as the farm did.

Aaron wasn’t sure he ever wanted to leave.

“Mum’s working,” Aaron explained. “I was going to go to Paddy’s for lunch, but…” he trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. What if Robert didn’t want him to stay? What if it was too much, too soon all over again? 

“Stay here then,” Robert said, as though he could read Aaron’s mind. “I always want you here, you know.”

“Even when we tried to break up?” Aaron joked, knowing their breakup was about as far from a breakup as two people could get. If they’d hated each other, maybe - but they really hadn’t, they’d still wanted each other.

Always would, Aaron was starting to think.

“Even more so then,” Robert reassured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Aaron’s neck. “I love you,” he breathed, as though the words were a prayer, a promise, a promise of how they were going to make it work this time, how they had no choice but to make it work.

Aaron couldn’t wipe the grin from his face. “I love you too, Robert.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Years Day passed in a whirlwind of activity. They’d been recruited to help peel the mountains of vegetables and potatoes Diane was cooking up as soon as they’d eventually roused themselves from bed, elbowing each other like a pair of kids as they’d gone through the meticulous process of peeling. 

Dinner hadn’t even been that bad, really. Aaron had been focused enough on Robert’s hand on the inside of his thigh, fingers looping through Roberts, the two of them eating their dinner single handed, not caring what a nuisance it was.

It was like they couldn’t get enough of each other.

They couldn’t, really, not after so many months apart. 

“I’m really glad you two have sorted things out,” Victoria said quietly, siding up to him. Robert had convinced him (not that it had taken much convincing at all) to stay another night, and they were sitting in front of the television, beers in hand, early afternoon drifting to twilight, the dark January evening slowly but surely seeping in. 

“Yeah?"

Victoria nodded. “He’s been insufferable you know, without you,“ she explained, taking a sip of her wine. The house was quiet, Andy and Katie gone for a walk, Diane in the corner reading a novel, Robert raiding the fridge for another dessert, ever the bottomless pit. 

“Oi, don’t talk shit about me, Vic,” Robert called from the kitchen, sounding as though his mouth was full. He padded in a second later, wearing that navy blue jumper that always drove aaron crazy, blond hair tousled.

How had he ever coped without him?

“I always shit talk you,” Victoria rolled her eyes, shifting back to the right, leaving space for Robert to plonk himself between them again, bowl of ice cream and apple crumble in hand. “You already had seconds of dessert!”

“So?” Robert shrugged, offering the bowl to Aaron. “It’s New Years Day, its basically Christmas part two, I can eat however much I want to.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Victoria snorted, turning her attention to whatever shit games was on the television, cranking the sound up.

“I can’t believe I’m being judged in my own home.”  
  
Aaron laughed. “I think that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be judged, innit?” he commented, taking another scoop of the rapidly melting ice-cream, apple crumble warm underneath.

Homemade, and probably the best thing he’d ever tasted.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Aaron sneaking bites of Robert’s apple crumble as they watched whatever mindless gameshow Victoria had blaring in the background.

It had been close to twenty four hours of absolute bliss, but all they hadn’t talked about was starting to weight on Aaron’s mind. There was so much left unsaid between them, and Aaron didn’t want to let it fester, and have it ruin their relationship all over again.

No, not this time.

“Do you fancy a walk?” Aaron asked, voice quiet, hoping Robert would pick up on the implication. It was all well and good, to live in their honeymoon phase again, but it couldn’t last forever.

Robert nodded, and the two of them got up off the couch, heading for the kitchen. They moved around each other in silence for a few minutes, Robert stacking his plate in the sink with the rest of the washing up, the two of them shrugging on their coats.

It hadn’t snowed, this Christmas, but it was still bitterly cold, frost already forming on the grassy fields that surrounded the farmhouse. Aaron tucked his chin into the scarf he’d borrowed from Robert, the two of them walking along in relatively comfortable silence, until they were far enough away from the house to know that nobody would interrupt them.

“I don’t know where to start,” Robert admitted, hands shoved deep into his pockets, a nervous expression on his face.

“We’ve got to talk,” Aaron said. “I know - I don’t like it much either, but its what ruined us, first time around, not talking I mean.”

Robert nodded. “I want you to trust me, I want to earn your trust back,” he said, earnest and eager.

“You have,” Aaron said, a soft smile on his face. “I wouldn’t have driven down here, if I didn’t trust you.”

Robert looked relieved. “Okay.”

“But I can’t promise I won’t be weird, and insecure sometimes,” Aaron admitted, unsure of how to phrase it in a way that wouldn’t hurt Robert. “I love you, and I trust you, I do, but I’m not used to people wanting to say with me, and I don’t think you can do anything to change how I feel.”

Robert nodded. “Will you talk to me, when you’re feeling that way?” he asked. “Because if I don't know its your insecurities playing up, I’ll just think you hate me or something, and that hurts more.”  


Aaron took his hand out of his jacket pocket, despite the cold, giving Robert’s elbow a squeeze. “I’ll try,” he said. “And I’m going to try be better about you being bisexual, too.”

Robert winced, at his words.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said quietly. “I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I said some awful things about you being bisexual. I didn’t understand, and I didn’t try, and I’m sorry.”

“I still don’t understand it myself, sometimes,” Robert admitted, leaning against the nearby fence. “I’m never going to be the poster boy, for being LGBT.”

“Neither will I.”

“But you’re proud of yourself,” Robert countered. “I was scared, when that guy in the bar went off at us. Your reaction was to defend yourself, us, and mine was to run. What does that say about me, eh?”

Aaron shrugged. “You shouldn’t have to defend yourself from homophobes when we’re just out for a few drinks,” he said. 

“I shouldn’t be scared to defend us, though, should I?” Robert looked frustrated with himself, annoyed at his own actions in a way that surprised Aaron. He hadn’t seemed entirely bothered, that night they’d been kicked out of the club, and so it was strange to see how deeply it had affected him.

“But I’m your first proper boyfriend, right?”

Robert nodded.

“Then its easier for me, because I was with Ed, before you - mouthy lads in nightclubs, thats nothing new to me,” Aaron shook his head. “The first time someone made a snarky comment about me and Ed, I froze. I didn’t even fight back, because I believed what they were saying.”

“I don’t believe what they say,” Robert said, immediately defensive.

Aaron gave his elbow another squeeze. “I get it, you know,” he said. “I think everyone who’s gay, or bi or whatever, feels ashamed sometimes, even after they come out. It’s not easy to just forget all the things you heard growing up, and be proud.”

Robert was quiet for a second. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think about what my dad would say, if he saw me now, saw you here,” he began, sounding unsure of himself. “If he was still alive, I’d bet he wouldn’t even let you in the front door of our house. What does that say about my dad?”

Aaron really didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how he could possibly make it better for Robert. He didn’t know what it was like, to have had a family member so vehemently deny who you were - sure, Zak had taken a little longer to come around, Cain had had his wobbly moments, but at the end of the day, they all supported him, and loved him, and would never throw him out, deny him anything simply because he was _gay_.

“We had this farmhand, when I was fifteen,” Robert began, looking lost in the memories. “Tom. He was nice, nicer than any boy I knew."

“Did you like him?” Aaron tried to gently nudge, not wanting to push too hard, but not wanting Robert to clam up completely, but also not wanting Robert to clam up, refuse to tell him.

Robert nodded, the movement barely perceptible. “We were in my room,” he said, voice tiny. “We were just kissing, it hadn’t gone any further or anything, but my dad came in and he uh - he sacked him, and he leathered me.”

Aaron felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. “Robert, I’m so sorry.”

Robert gave a slight shrug. “It happened,” he tried to pass it off as if it were nothing, but Aaron knew him better than that. “I buried it, for a long time after that, but after my first term at university, I didn’t want to hide anymore, you know? I was out to my friends in Manchester, and they didn’t see me any differently for it. Chrissie didn’t care that I was bi, when I was dating her.”

“She shouldn’t,” Aaron said, vaguely aware he was being a little bit of a hypocrite, considering how he’d acted toward Robert the past few weeks, but it had never come from a place of being _malicious_. 

“It gave me the confidence to want to come out,” Robert admitted. “It was my birthday, and I went home, for a family lunch.”

Aaron tucked his hand into Robert’s pocket, wrapping his fingers tightly around his boyfriend, knowing it would bring him some kind of comfort, as he tried to talk about it.

Robert was quiet for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only really a minute or so, until he continued. “I sat down with my dad, before the lunch,” he said. “I tried to talk to him, tried to explain to him, but he wouldn’t have it. He refused to believe it, said he didn’t want a son like me.”

“ _Robert_.”

“Diane, she tried to calm him down, tried to make him see reason, but he kicked me out,” Robert continued, barely able to look at Aaron as he spoke. “I drove back to university, and I didn’t come home again until Christmas.”

“Where did you go, that summer?’

“Chrissie and Bex, they let me stay with them - they live down in Somerset, so I moved down there for the summer,” Robert said. “Dad wasn’t giving me any money, not anymore, so I worked for their dad, during the day, and in a local pub every hour I could get.”

Aaron’s heart swelled with pride, as he listened to Robert speak. Despite it all, despite his father doing something so awful, Robert had kept going. Sometimes, Aaron wished he was more like that - more willing to solider on, solider through. He always did, eventually, but he had the scars to prove he wasn’t very good at it.

“Dad rang me, a week before Christmas, told me to come home,” Robert said, squeezing Aaron’s had tightly. “Said he’d never accept it, but I was a Sugden, and my home was in Emmerdale.”

“He said he’d never accept it?” Aaron couldn’t hide the horror from his voice.

Robert shrugged. “I figured maybe if I gave him time, he’d come around,” he admitted, voice thick with tears. “He died three months later, and he hated me.”

“He didn’t-“

“He did,” Robert interrupted, voice harsh. “I was nothing but a disappointment to him, whether it was doing computer science at university, or being bisexual - he hated who I was.”

“I love who you are,” Aaron said, determined. “Its on your dad, if he couldn’t see how amazing you are.” 

“Aaron…” Robert shook his head, trailing off. He looked embarrassed, as though he didn’t want to hear the praise.

“I know, I haven’t always done right by you - we’ve both made mistakes, recently,” Aaron said, voice firm. He was going to make Robert see just how incredible a person he was, no matter what it took. “But I never stopped thinking you were amazing, Robert.”

Robert looked at him with tear-filled eyes, a sad expression fixed into place on his face. “Really?” he said, his insecurities on show for the rest of the world for once, his heart on his sleeve in a way that was so unlike Robert.

Aaron nodded furiously. “Robert, I love you,” he said. “I love you because you’re smart, and funny, and gorgeous, and you take care of me, even when I’m being drunk and stupid, or when I’ve forgotten to do my weekly shop again and all I’ve got in the fridge is butter and gone off eggs. You - you make me feel special, like I’m someone who’s worth fighting for.”

“You are, you’re worth fighting for.”

“And so are you,” Aaron was standing, chest to chest with Robert now, more determined than he’d ever been. “Being without you, these past few weeks - I’ve hated every second. I’m better, when I’m with you Robert, and I never want you to think that you aren’t incredible, because you are, you’re the most incredible person I know.”

“You still think that?” Robert had a look of wonder on his face, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Even after - even after everything I’ve done? All the lies?”

“I hate when you lie to me,” Aaron admitted, chewing on the side of his lip. “But that - it doesn’t change who you are, what you've done for me, Robert. I never stopped thinking you were incredible, even when we broke up.”

Robert didn’t say anything for a second, wiping roughly at his eyes. “I hate feeling like this,” he admitted.

“Like what?”

“Insecure,” Robert explained. “I’ve always - I’m good, at putting on a mask and pretending like nothing ever gets to me.”

“You don’t have to put a mask on around me,” Aaron shook his head, untangling his fingers from Robert’s so he could wrap his arms around his boyfriends waist, hugging him tightly. “You need to talk to me, and tell me how you feel. I’m not going to break up with you because you’re honest with me, Rob.”

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s shoulders, holding him close. “I’m not very good at being in a relationship,” he admitted. “I wish I was. But I will try, you know - I will do better, this time around.”

“I will too,” Aaron pulled back slightly, close enough that he could study every inch of Robert’s face, the tears that were still refusing to spill, the crease of emotion in his forehead. “I’ll try not to be so insecure and jealous, I promise.”

“I guess thats what its all about, right?” Robert said. “Us, trying.”

Aaron nodded, pressing a gentle, barely there kiss to Robert’s lips. “We’ll get it right, this time, if we try.” 

Robert returned the kiss eagerly, lips barely inches from Aaron’s as he spoke again. “Then I promise I will never stop trying.”

Aaron held tightly to Robert, revelling in the closeness they had again, how there was hardly a centimetre of space between them. “I promise you I’ll never stop trying either, Robert.”

Trying.

That sounded like a promise he could keep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure about this?”

Aaron barely held in his frustrated sigh, his mum hovering over his shoulder as he made sure he had everything in order. “Yes, mum, I’m sure,” he confirmed, turning to look at her. “He makes me happy.”

Chas didn’t look too delighted at his words. “You just didn’t seem yourself this semester, when I would ring - I don’t want to see it happen again.”

He’d only admitted to his mum him and Robert had broken up when he’d come home for Christmas. He wasn’t good at talking to her about these kind of things, and well - he hadn’t wanted to admit it was over. 

“I wasn’t myself because I wasn’t with him, mum,” Aaron said, wincing at his own words. He wasn’t used to being so soft with his mum, he really wasn’t. “Can you just trust me, please?”

“I just don’t want to see you sad, love,” Chas said, absently fixing Aaron’s hair, Aaron squiring away from her touch. 

“I’m not, not now we’re together again,” Aaron said. “I love him, mum.”

Chas smiled at him softly. “And I love you,” she said, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s forehead. 

Before their conversation could continue, a buzz from Aaron’s phone drew their attention. Glancing at the screen, he saw a text from Robert saying he was outside, and Aaron couldn’t help but grin to himself.

It had only been a couple of days since he’d last seen Robert, only been a few days since he’d left Emmerdale after their epic New Year’s reunion (Victoria’s words, not his) but he was excited to see his boyfriend all the same.

“Robert’s here,” Aaron said, shouldering his backpack. “I’ll text you when I get there, yeah?”

Chas nodded, Aaron clocking his mum’s teariness straight away.

“Mum, I’m only in Manchester, don’t be so soft,” Aaron joked, hand on the handle of his suitcase. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek, heading for the door before she could answer.

His mum wasn’t too good at goodbyes - it was best to just up and go, really.

Robert was rearranging the stuff in the boot of his car, as Aaron thundered out of the house and toward the car, Victoria waving eagerly from the backseat. “Vic has decided she needs twice as much stuff this semester,” Robert rolled his eyes, taking Aaron’s suitcase from him, shoving it into the overflowing boot.

“Girls, eh?” Aaron grinned, unable to help himself as he wrapped an arm around Robert’s waist, kissing him deeply.

He really couldn’t get enough of Robert, now he had him again.

“I’ve missed you too,” Robert said, smiling into the kiss. He was wearing a white button up shirt today, crisp and clean and attention grabbing, the kind of gorgeous Aaron couldn’t quite believe was his, sometimes.

“I can’t wait to get back to uni,” Aaron admitted. “Not - not the work, but like.. Everything else.”

Robert smiled even wider, his blue-green eyes bright in the early January sunshine, practically sparkling as they stood by the boot of his car. “Let’s make it our best semester yet, yeah?”

Aaron gave his hand a squeeze, heading for the passenger seat of the car. “That better be a promise,” he said, sliding into the passenger seat, already helping himself to Robert’s phone, changing the song, returning Victoria’s bright greeting.

Robert slid behind the wheel, giving Aaron’s knee a momentary squeeze before he put the car into gear. “It’s a promise,” he confirmed, pulling away from the footpath, and out onto the road, the world feeling instantly different, more exciting as Robert began to drive toward the main road, to Manchester.

“What’s a promise?” Victoria piped up, clearly curious.

Aaron turned his head slightly, grinning at Robert’s little sister. “He promised me this semester is going to be unforgettable.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You can’t try and force me out by saying its first week back,” Aaron said pointedly, sitting on his bed in his underwear, stubbornly refusing to get dressed. Robert had arrived at his door a half an hour previous and had practically shoved him into the shower, claiming they had to be at a house party in an hour.

A house party he hadn’t told Aaron anything about.

Robert gave him a pleading look, dropping to his knees and nestling himself between Aaron’s thighs. “I am literally on my knees begging you to come,” he said, gesturing at himself. “Come on Aaron - I said please!”

“You know its not my thing.”

Robert inclined his head slightly. “I know that, yes,” he admitted. “But it’s my last semester.”

Aaron sighed, rolling his eyes. “If you’re going to use that as your reasoning for everything, the next few months, you and me are going to have some serious problems, mate.”

“Not your mate,” Robert said automatically, his usual response to Aaron’s overly friendly term of endearment. “Look - you never came to parties with me last year, and we were broken up before Christmas. People in my class are starting to think I’ve made you up!”

Aaron snorted. “Am I supposed to want to put a stop to that rumour?” he inquired, already half convinced. He just enjoyed giving Robert a hard time, if he was honest - it was fun, to see how much he could push Robert’s buttons. He didn’t do it to be malicious, of course not, but Aaron had missed having an excuse to wind Robert up when they hadn’t been together.

“Yes, because you care about my reputation?”

“You have a reputation?” Aaron countered, smirking a little now. 

Robert gave him a look. “Please? For me?” he tried, giving Aaron his best puppy dog eyes. Aaron would probably never admit it aloud, but that look always had his heart melting, it was the kind of look he’d never be able to say no to.

But Robert didn’t need to know that.

“Fine,” Aaron gave a dramatic sigh, flopping back on his bed. “I think I need some more convincing first."

“I’m dressed.”

“I’m not,” Aaron propped himself up on his elbows, raising an eyebrow. “And you’re in a very convenient place, aren’t you?” he pointed out, Robert’s face pretty much in line with his crotch now.

Robert rolled his eyes. “Don’t touch my hair,” he said, tugging at Aaron’s boxer shorts (though, he was sure they were Robert’s, if he was being entirely honest about it, Robert stashing clothes in his rickety chest of drawers on the first day back - no awkward conversations this time around.)

Aaron lifted his hips so Robert could toss his boxers aside, all the happier now he was about to get a blowjob from his ridiculously hot boyfriend. “I wouldn’t dream of ruining your masterpiece,” he grinned, slinging a foot over Robert’s shoulder. “I know you’ve got a reputation to uphold and everything.”

Robert looked as though he was about to make a mouthy comment, but rolled his eyes again instead, fingers digging into the pale skin of Aaron’s hips as he put his mouth to much better use.

This semester, Aaron decided, letting his head loll backward as Robert wrapped his lips around his dick, his mouth warm, and wet, and everything Aaron needed, there and then, was already an improvement on the last.

A tiny moan escaped his lips as Robert set to work, and Aaron couldn’t help his self satisfied grin.

Definitely better than the last semester.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Aaron? Are you listening to me?”

Aaron looked up from his phone, Robert looking at him expectantly. “Huh? Sorry, I - I was looking at your instagram story,” he admitted, waving his phone at his boyfriend. Robert was the biggest social media addict Aaron knew, and he’d been quieter, online, when they’d broken up - much to Aaron’s frustrations - and now they were together again, his instagram addiction was back in full force.

And Aaron was the star of the story.

Aaron didn’t like a lot of photos of himself. He didn’t take selfies, unlike Robert (who’d argue to death that he never took selfies, but his photo album told another story) and yet somehow, every photo Robert took of him was genuinely _nice_.

He was standing in the mirror in the photo, fixing his hair, and Robert had snapped a photo of it, decorating the screen with every heart emoji there was on his phone, because Robert was a soft twat like that.

Robert smiled, looking delighted with himself. “Come here a second,” he said, tugging Aaron under a street light, rooting for his phone.

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked, rocking on his heels as Robert unlocked his mobile.

“We don’t take enough photos together,” Robert said decisively, tugging Aaron close to his side. “I want to take a photo before we get drunk and look like idiots.”

“You already look like an idiot,” Aaron grinned, looking at Robert’s hair. He’d tried not to mess it up, okay, he really had - but Robert gave a great blowjob, and Aaron liked getting his hands in his boyfriends hair, sue him.

“That’s your fault,” Robert said, messing with his fringe. Somehow, he pulled off the messy look as easily as he did his usual put together look, and Aaron couldn’t help but be transfixed as he watched his boyfriend, not paying a tap of attention as Robert snapped a selfie of the two of them.

“I like that,” Robert said, his voice soft, full of wonder as he looked at the photo.

Aaron squinted at the screen, his heart feeling as though it had grown about twelve sizes as he looked at it. Robert was the only one of the two of them looking at the camera, his usual sexy, half smirk fixed in place and Aaron - Aaron was looking at him like he’d never loved anymore more, his eyes on Robert, as though he wasn’t even seeing the camera.

“Me too,” Aaron agreed. “Save it, yeah?”

Robert nodded, hitting save before he scrolled through the filters, settling on one that made the background all soft and pastel looking, going through a few emojis before he decided on a simple geotag.

“You really need to let everyone know what we’re doing?” Aaron teased, slipping his hand into Robert’s as they continued their walk, heading toward whatever house party Robert was dragging him to.

“Of course,” Robert grinned. “You didn’t answer my question, by the way.”

“I didn’t hear it,” Aaron admitted, surprised at how comfortable, and normal it felt to be holding Robert’s hand like he was. It hadn’t been something they’d done often, even when they had been together the first time around, but it felt like it could be something they did this time around.

“I was asking you how my hair looked.”

“Terrible,” Aaron grinned, sticking his tongue out at Robert. “You know you look good.”

“Oh, do I?” 

Aaron nodded. “I know - I know I’m not that great at saying it, but I do think you’re really fit, Robert.”

Robert paused, a light flush rising in his cheeks as he took in Aaron’s words. “I think you’re fit too, you know,” he said. “Like - _so_ fit.”

“Is this us trying?” Aaron asked, grinning slightly. Compliments from Robert were always the best kind of compliments, they really were. “Being honest, and that.”

“It feels like it,” Robert said. “Do you - do you think we can be better, this time around? Because it feels like we’re better.”

Aaron nodded, squeezing Robert’s fingers a little tighter. “It does feel like we’re better, right? Like we know what we’re doing this time.”

“I think we do,” Robert said. “Know what we’re doing, I mean. I guess we just learned, from the first time around. Right?” he sounded a little unsure, like he needed Aaron to reassure he was on the right track.

It was strange, but seeing Robert’s insecurities more, knowing he wasn’t as confident as he made out to be sometimes, made Aaron feel a little more settled. For the longest time, when they’d first dated, he’d assumed Robert was exactly what was on the surface - cocky and self confident, the kind of person nothing could touch. Knowing he wasn’t, knowing Robert had his wobbly moments too, it helped reassure Aaron that his boyfriend was as human as he was.

Putting Robert on a pedestal had always been his problem, the more he thought about it.

“Right,” Aaron confirmed, pressing a kiss to the corner of Robert’s mouth. “Come on, we’re already late for this party, Mr I have a Reputation to uphold.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert’s mates weren’t the worst, Aaron decided. He’d never hung out with too many of them, if he was being entirely house, but after a few hours at the party, he could decide they weren’t so bad.

He’d gotten some free drinks, at least - and someone had ordered Dominos, so he’d had some free pizza too. It wasn’t the worst house party he’d ever been too, all things considered.

It was nice to see Robert in his element. Aaron knew Robert was well liked, within in course, but this was probably the first time he’d really seen him around the people he studied with - Robert flitting from person to person, talking and laughing, a beer in hand.

They were such opposites, sometimes. Aaron of a few months ago would have considered it to be a bad thing, but Aaron of now - well, he didn’t. They balanced each other out, in a way Aaron hadn’t realised was so good before. Robert was loud, and talkative, and downright obnoxious at times, and Aaron was quieter - confident in himself and who he was, but quieter all the same.

He was happy to have his boyfriend take the spotlight.

“You’re Robert’s boyfriend, right?” 

Aaron looked up as a girl approached him, a bright smile on her face. “Uh - yeah, I am,” he confirmed, taking in her appearance. She had the most ridiculously pink dress on, her hair and eyes dark, and chocolatey brown.

Aaron knew what a gorgeous girl looked like when he saw one.

“I’m Leyla,” she introduced. “I’m in Robert’s course, I just wanted to come and say hi.”

“Hi,” Aaron wasn’t too sure what to say. “Nice to meet you.”

“I haven’t seen him this happy in a while,” Leyla said, leaning against the counter, tucking her hair behind her ears. “You’re good for him, you know.”

“You think?” Aaron couldn’t hold back his surprise.

Leyla nodded. “I’ve known Robert a long time,” she said. “We used to be in the computer science society together, back when he was in second year the first time around, and I’d just started. He was a laugh, but - he wasn’t a happy person.” 

“People say that a lot,” Aaron murmured, looking across the room at Robert, who was engrossed in conversation with someone Aaron didn’t know.

“He’s a bit of an idiot,” Leyla said, grinning slightly. “I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that.”

Aaron laughed. “No, you don’t,” he shook his head, thinking of all the times he’d called Robert an idiot right to his face. He meant it with love, most of the time.

“But he’s settled in himself in a way I’m not used to seeing,” Leyla admitted, pausing to take a sip of her drink. “You’re good for him, you really are. I’m so glad to see you two back together.”

“I think we’re good for each other,” Aaron admitted, hardly able to tear his eyes away from Robert, and focus on Leyla, and their conversation again. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system, but Robert somehow looked more attractive than he normally did, and it was making Aaron’s palms sweat.

Was he ever not going to desperately want Robert? Aaron couldn’t imagine there ever being a time in his life when he didn’t want to jump Robert’s bones 24/7. He just _wanted_ , wanted so much, wanted all the time when it came to his boyfriend - it was honestly ridiculous how much Aaron just wanted Robert, sometimes. 

Ridiculous if the smirk on Robert’s face didn’t tell him his boyfriend was thinking the same.

“I see you’ve met the infamous Leyla,” Robert grinned, crossing the room quickly, slinging an arm around Aaron’s shoulders.

“Yes, and she was about to start telling me stories about all the dumb shit you do, so if you could go away again, that’d be great,” Aaron joked, earning himself a pinch in the side from Robert.

“I’ve got plenty of ammunition against this guy,” Leyla drawled, playing along with the joke. “We should get coffee someday, exchange terrible stories about him.”

“I’m the light of both of your lives,” Robert said, sticking his tongue out at Leyla as she teased him, Aaron nestled close to his side. He liked this, liked how happy they were to be a couple in public - sometimes, sometimes Aaron still struggled with it, still wondered if people were making comments behind their backs, if someone thought it was wrong and was just keeping it to themselves, but this wasn’t one of those times. 

No, the only thing Aaron was thinking about there and then, was Robert’s arm around his shoulders, the familiar, _real_ press of his boyfriends body against his own - everything he’d been missing for so long.

“I’ll leave you two to be soppy and disgusting,” Leyla said with a grin, pressing a kiss to each of their cheeks, the scent of her perfume overwhelming. She was impossibly glamorous, Leyla - she wasn't someone Aaron would expect to study computer science, if he was being entirely honest.

“Are you having fun?” Robert asked, turning so he was facing Aaron as Leyla left, his hand moving to the back of Aaron’s neck, fingers smoothing through the hair there. 

Aaron’s lips quirked into a smile. “It’s not the worst party I’ve ever been too,” he shrugged, earning himself an eye-roll from his boyfriend.

“Leyla is great, right?” Robert asked, settling himself against the counter, pulling Aaron in close to him.

Aaron nodded. “She said I’m good for ya.” 

“You are,” Robert confirmed. “She’s a good friend, you know - bisexual too.”

“Yeah?”

Robert took a sip of his beer before he continued. “She convinced me to join the LGBT society,” he said, his voice leading Aaron to believe there was more to this than he was letting on.

Looking around the busy kitchen and living room, Aaron made the decision in a split second, tugging on Robert’s hand, and pulling him toward the stairs. It was quieter in the hallway, most of the party in the other room.

Sitting down on one of the steps, Aaron gestured for Robert to join him.

“It was too loud in there,” Aaron said by way of explanation, swiping Robert’s beer from him. 

“How do you always know exactly when I need to talk?”

“I know ya,” Aaron shrugged, nudging Robert with his elbow. “Sometimes you just need someone else to push you to start.”

Robert nodded, quiet for a second before he spoke again. “I’m not exactly the poster boy for being out and proud,” he said, palms nervously rubbing against the knees of his jeans. “I try, you know? But theres a lot going on in my head when it comes to that kind of thing.”

Aaron reached out and took one of Robert’s wandering hands in his own, tangling their fingers together tightly. 

Robert gave him a grateful smile before he continued. “Leyla, she’s bisexual too - I said that, didn’t I? Anyway, she’s been out for years longer than me, and she’s proud of it, too. I wished - I wanted to be more like her, so when she suggested joining the LGBT society, I said I’d join with her.”

Aaron had joined it on the societies day he’d gone to at the start of first year, but he’d rarely gone to their meetings. He’d done the club nights they organised at the most popular student gay bar in town, Heaven, which was always a laugh, but if he was honest, he’d rarely made the effort to go to their meetings and discussions.

“I liked it at first, you know,” Robert said. “I never got the appeal of a community, people you were just associated with because you were all gay, or whatever - but it was nice. Until it wasn’t,” he let out an awkward laugh, clearly uncomfortable.

“You know I’m willing to fight people for ya, right?” Aaron joked, trying to ease he tension he could practically feel pouring from every inch of Robert as they sat together on the stairs.

“I know,” Robert gave Aaron’s hand a squeeze. “I was at one of their social evenings, and the chairperson - I don’t even remember his name - said bisexual people were just greedy, and this girl, she just laughed and agreed with him, said we were just too afraid to pick a side.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron really didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how he could make it better.

“Leyla lost it,” Robert grinned slightly, clearly remembering the night in question as he spoke. “Gave them this big speech about how we were never going to get anywhere if people in the LGBT community were giving each other shit, because we get enough of that from other people.”

“She’s right.”

Robert nodded. “Ley, she really took it and went with it, you know? She ran for a position on the committee and had the first ever bi-visibility week on campus. She took that one negative comment and she used it as ammunition, made things better - and what did I do? I left. I ran away, and I never went back.”

“Robert-“

“No, let me finish,” Robert shook his head. “I’m not good at this, I’m not good at being proud of who I am. Whenever someone makes a comment, says something negative about me being bisexual, I panic. I don’t know how to defend myself - I don’t know if I _can_ , because every single time I hear something like that, I believe it.”

He turned to Aaron, eyes glistening with tears. “I want to be more like you, I really do - but I don’t know how to be proud of who I am, Aaron,” he admitted, wiping roughly at his eyes.

Aaron tugged at Robert’s chin, forcing his boyfriend to look at him. “You are proud, Robert.”

“I’m not, because - because everything everyone else says affects me like this, Aaron,” Robert shook his head, the telltale pink flush in his cheeks putting him seconds away from me.

“You’re not ashamed of me, are you?”

“Of course not!” Robert looked incredulous, as if the mere idea was offensive to him.

Aaron gave him a soft smile. “There you go then,” he said. “You don’t try and hide me. You kiss me in front of your friends. That’s being proud, you know.”

Robert gave him a watery smile. “You think?”

“I know,” Aaron nudged. “If you weren’t proud, you’d try hide me away - hide how you feel about me.”

“I’d never do that, never,” Robert said fiercely, determined in his words, his commitment to Aaron. It was an undeniably brilliant feeling, knowing Robert felt so much for him, was so determined to be proud of them, be proud of his love for Aaron.

“Then you’re proud,” Aaron said. “This stiff - it’s never going to be easy, I don’t think. I’ve been out a long time now, and I still feel weird about a lot of things, about being gay. But as long as we keep trying, I think we’ll be okay.”

Robert sighed heavily, thumb pressing against Aaron’s palm. “Straight people have it easy,” he mumbled.

Aaron grimaced. “Yeah, but they’re straight, aren’t they? Boring, that.”

Robert laughed, a real genuine laugh, the sound like music to Aaron’s ears. “Fair point,” he said. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you more,” Aaron beamed, pressing a soft kiss to Robert’s lips, wanting to offer him some sort of reassurance. Being able to have these conversations, being able to sit and talk things through like this, it was everything they didn’t have before.

Aaron was so sure they were going to make it this time.

“Oi, lovebirds!” 

Aaron pulled away from Robert to see one of Robert’s mates (Kevin, maybe?) leering at them, ping pong balls in hand. 

“You fancy a game of beer pong?” he asked, waving the balls at them. “Robert here is reigning champion, Aaron. Oh - wait, no, thats me, because I crushed his ass last time we played.”  
  
Robert rolled his eyes. “I was off my game.”

Aaron grinned, standing up and tugging Robert up off the step with him, excitement churning through his veins. “Then I guess it’s time for your redemption, eh? Everyone loves a good comeback.”

“Fighting talk, I like him Robert,” Kevin (it was definitely Kevin) said, the three of them heading into the kitchen where the game of beer pong was set up, the floor already sticky underfoot from all the previous players had spilled.

(Or maybe the house was just like that anyway, Aaron grimaced. Student houses were even below his standards, sometimes.)

“You’re not going to like me much after I knock you off your throne,” Aaron smirked, catching one of the ping pong balls Kevin tossed him, the other boy teaming up with Leyla.

Robert pressed a kiss to his clothed shoulder. “But I’m going to love you even more than I already do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were down to their last cup. Aaron was a little bit drunker now, a tipsy haze settled over his mind as they played, and he was excited. He wanted to win, if only for the disappointed look on Leyla’s face as she missed her final shot.

“It’s all on you now,” Robert grinned, leaning against the table.

“You worried about him performing, Sugden?” an unfamiliar face called out, making Aaron roll his eyes good-naturedly. 

They were all taking beer pong rather seriously.

“I always perform,” Aaron winked, squinting at the cup in front of him. Despite the alcohol, he knew exactly where he needed to land his last ball.

And he did.

Aaron grinned at Kevin, entirely satisfied as his final ping pong ball into Kevin’s beer, the other man groaning, Leyla shoving at his shoulder as they realised they’d lost the game.

“I love you,” Robert laughed, wrapping an arm around Aaron’s waist, pressing a delighted kiss to his lips. “My superstar boyfriend.”  


“It’s only beer pong,” Aaron laughed, tugging at Robert’s hair, keeping his boyfriends lips close to his. He was drunk, and he liked kissing Robert, okay? He was going to indulge himself as much as he wanted to, thank you.

“You’ve got me my championship back though,” Robert said. “I go out on top now - after all my years in computer science.”

Aaron laughed at Robert’s ridiculousness. “Well then, I’m glad I’m with the king of beer pong, aren’t I?”

“King and king,” Robert grinned, glancing over toward Kevin and Leyla, who were mid-argument about throwing techniques. “Shall we get out of here?” he asked. “I’d rather be at home with you.”

“So would I,” Aaron hummed his agreement. “We’ve got a win to celebrate winning, don’t we?”

“Yes we do, Mr Dingle,” Robert smirked, his hand travelling down Aaron’s back, into the back pocket of Aaron’s jeans, giving his arse a squeeze. “Yes we do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second semester so far was hell, Aaron decided. It was only a week in, but the whole week of introduction classes he’d had this week had just set him up for the semester from hell, he knew it - there was group projects, essays, presentations, you name it, and nowhere near enough time to do it all.

He was stressed, already. It was times like this Aaron wished he was more like Adam - Adam, regardless of how much work they had to do, was always chilled out. 

Hell, he even wished he was more like Robert. Robert was one of these uber intelligent people who could stay up all night before an assignment was due, and still get a 1:1 on it, and well - Aaron would have hated him for it, if his boyfriend wasn’t currently giving him a very vigorous back massage as Aaron attempted to write his essay.

“You’re never going to get it done if you keep on like this,” Robert murmured, thumbs digging into a particularly tough spot on his shoulder, making Aaron wince in pain.

Aaron couldn’t help but snap, frustrated. “That’s brilliant advice, that.”

“Don’t be snarky with me, I’m only trying to help,” Robert said. “The more stressed you get, the harder it’s going to be.”

Aaron sighed, leaning back into Robert’s embrace. “I’m not cut out for university,” he mumbled, letting Robert wrap his arms around him, cuddling him close to his chest, pressing kisses to the side of Aaron’s head. 

“You’ve made it this far, haven’t you?” 

“Yeah, and its only halfway through second year and I’m losing it, Robert,” Aaron hated how his eyes welled up with tears as he spoke, his stress bubbling over. He’d never been the best at schoolwork - it wasn’t as though he was stupid, but he was so easily stressed, and he never managed to keep on top of the things he was supposed to. “I can’t do this, I can’t.”

“You can,” Robert shook his head, reaching around Aaron for the sheet of paper that had the essay questions on, squinting at it, doing his best to try and figure he questions out, despite their very different degrees. “We’re going to figure it out, yeah? Which question where you thinking of doing?”

“The one on limitations of market research design,” Aaron said, pointing out the question on the list. It was the least daunting sounding out of all of them, which probably wasn’t the best way to approach an essay, but he was tired, and he had a banging headache already, and he just wanted it over and done with as soon as possible. “I went to that lecture, I’ve got lots of notes on it.”

“That’s a good place to start!” Robert encouraged, scanning the question, lips moving as he read it over a couple of times. “Ok, so - I guess you need to define what market research design is, and then go through all the different limitations? Then you only need to do an introduction and conclusion.”

“I s’pose,” Aaron mumbled, Robert’s reassurances already helping a lot. He tended to panic, when he was stressed, but he had Robert’s logical voice literally in his ear now, flicking through his university notes, and figuring it out with him.

“It’ll be okay,” Robert said, pressing another kiss to the side of Aaron’s head. “You hunt out your notes on market research design, and I’ll order us a pizza, yeah? Then we can make up a plan for this essay.”

Aaron gave him a grateful look. “You’re the best.”

Robert grinned, giving his shoulder a squeeze, his encouraging look never slipping from his face. “I know. You want garlic bread as well? My treat.”

“Please,” Aaron nodded, letting Robert untangle himself from Aaron, searching for his phone so he could order them a Dominos. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Robert said. “Now get to work! You’ve got a pizza to earn.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn’t much like living in a house of eight people. He liked his own space, and there never seemed to much of that in a hectic house like theres. Adam had taken to it like a duck to water, but Aaron couldn’t help but find himself overwhelmed by the noise, and the busyness of the house sometimes.

And by sometimes, he meant all the time. It had been nearly six months, and he still knew next to nothing about most of his housemates, and Aaron knew he was partially at fault - he didn’t spend a lot of time at home - but he wasn’t hugely motivated to either.

Not when he looked at the noticeboard in the kitchen.

It was supposed to be where they left notes about bills, or who’s turn it was to buy bin-bags, but over the last few weeks, it had become the bane of Aaron’s life. His idiot housemates liked to draw stupid messages on it, and apparently Scarlett’s argument with Ryan about his over-zealous use of the word cunt had just resulted in a new favourite word.

_Andrew is a faggot._

Aaron barely stared at the word for half a second before he rubbed it out angrily. He didn’t much care for Ryan at the best of times, but his refusal to acknowledge words meant things to other people really wasn’t helping his case.

“You okay Aaron?” Eloise piped up, looking concerned at his obvious anger.

“Next time Ryan writes that - _that_ word on there, I’m going to rip the whiteboard off the wall,” Aaron said simply, slamming his coffee mug into the sink, not caring how loud, or angry he was being. 

“Aaron, mate, its a joke,” Thomas said, leaning back in one of the kitchen chairs, looking as if he was about to laugh - like Aaron’s reaction was something to laugh about. “He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

Aaron glared at his housemate. “Do I look like I’m laughing, _mate_?” 

Without waiting for a response, Aaron headed for the stairs, and his bedroom, cursing the fact Robert had a group project meeting that evening, leaving him stuck in his stupid house-share, no doubt the subject of all the house gossip after his freakout.

It was turning out to be a long semester. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His bad day was really turning into a bad week. Aaron couldn’t shake it - everything felt overwhelming, as though his head was about to explode, like the smallest thing would set him off.

It probably would, he decided.

He needed to see Robert. Robert always knew what to do, what to say - how to wash Aaron’s worries away with a kiss and a grin. His boyfriend would improve his mood, for definite.

He hadn’t seen much of Robert that week. Aaron had ended up with a mental week at university, extra lectures and a group presentation taking up most of his time, Robert in the library constantly, working on his thesis.

But it was Friday now, and if you couldn’t see your boyfriend on a Friday evening, when could you?

Aaron curled up under his duvet, already feeling better as he listened to the dial tone, Robert’s contact picture flashing in front of him. It was a stupid picture he’d taken over the Christmas holidays, Robert lounging on the couch up at Emmerdale farm, Rosie the dog sitting on his chest, his boyfriend laughing, trying to get her off him. 

(Rosie had no concept of how big a dog she actually was.)

It was sappy, it really was, but just seeing Robert’s face helped, when he was feeling like this.

“ _Aaron! How are you?_ ”

“‘M alright,” Aaron said. “Do you want to come over? We could order some food, watch a film.”

“ _Aaron, I’m sorry - I’m out for dinner with some people from my course_ ,” Robert said, Aaron’s heart sinking into the pit of his stomach at Robert’s words. 

“Okay,” Aaron mumbled in response. “I just - I haven’t seen you all week, Robert.”

“ _I know, but I told you about this, Aaron_ ,” Robert said. “ _We had a presentation today, we’re celebrating_.”

“Yeah, fine,” Aaron didn’t mean to be short with Robert, but he hadn’t remembered his boyfriend telling him about this dinner, or he wouldn’t have let his hopes for a quiff night in with Robert get sky high before he’d rang.

“ _Don’t you want to know how the presentation went?_ ” Robert asked, a tinge of sadness to his voice.

“I’m sure you aced it,” Aaron said, unable to keep the tiredness from his voice, finger hovering over the end call button. “Have a good night, Robert.”

_“I love you! We can_ -”

Aaron hung up before he could hear the end of Robert’s sentence, tears overwhelming him. 

He just really, really needed a break, and soon - before his head exploded. This - this was exactly why he’d never wanted to come to university, why he’d dreaded the thought of assignments and exams. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t smart, but Aaron felt as though he got so easily stressed all the time, and it always ended up like this.

Alone. Crying.

_Alone_. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A loud clatter from outside his bedroom door woke Aaron up, his eyes swollen and sore from crying himself to sleep as he reached across to turn on his bedroom light, squinting at his doorframe.

It creaked open slowly, revealing Robert standing there, looking apologetic. “Sorry,” he said quietly, shutting the door behind him. “I was trying to be quiet, I used the spare key to get in.”

“What are you doing here?” Aaron asked, checking his phone. It was nearly one thirty in the morning, Robert was supposed to be out.

“You didn’t sound like yourself on the phone,” Robert shrugged, easing his shoes off, dumping his jacket and jumper on the floor, leaving him in a t-shirt and jeans. He didn’t seem drunk, Aaron noted, not the usual kind of drunk he was when he was out with his mates.

“You’re supposed to be out with your friends,” Aaron couldn’t help the tears that were welling up in his throat again at the thought of him having had ruined Robert’s night out by being so silly.

“I was, and then they decided to go on to a nightclub, and I decided to come and see how you were,” Robert said, shimmying out of his jeans, taking his first proper look at Aaron. “Have you been crying?” he sounded worried instantly, taking in Aaron’s snotty, tear-stained appearance, the baggy old hoodie he was wearing, the mess of crumpled tissue on his bedside locker.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron managed to choke out, tears streaming down his cheeks again. He figured he’d cried his everything out, earlier in the evening, but he apparently still had a few tears left, his eyes stinging and sore as he started to blubber again.

“What are you sorry for, eh?” Robert shook his head, clambering into bed beside Aaron, wrapping his arms around Aaron tightly. “Come on, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

“I ruined your night,” Aaron hiccuped out, pressing his face against the soft material of Robert’s t-shirt, breathing in the familiar scent of his boyfriend, his cologne clinging to the material, even now, at the end of the night.

He didn’t deserve someone like Robert, someone who was willing to cut their celebrations short to come and take care of his messy self.

“You didn’t,” Robert shook his head. “I didn’t fancy clubbing anyway, so I was going to go home - I just wanted to check you were alright. Thats what we do, remember? We take care of each other, you and me.”

Aaron clung to Robert a little tighter, as though he was drawing comfort from his boyfriends presence. He was, all things considered - Robert always had that magical ability to make him feel okay again, even if only a little bit, always managed to comfort Aaron on his worst days.

And it had been a really, _really_ bad day.

“Come on, talk to me,” Robert said softly, pressing his lips to Aaron’s hair. “What’s happened, whats wrong?”

“Everything,” Aaron blurted out, hating how dramatic he sounded, but it was true. There wasn’t a single thing in his life that wasn’t making him feel as if he was drowning, there and then.

He could practically hear the smile in Robert’s voice as he spoke. “Okay, can we narrow it down a bit so I can help?” he asked, practically rocking Aaron in his arms now, as though he was a child, like he needed to be rocked to sleep.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Aaron admitted. “University, its too much, Robert.”

“Everyone feels like that sometimes, you know,” Robert said. “They don’t make it easy for us, but you’ll get through it. I can help you, and you study with Adam, right? You're not on your own.”

“I just - I feel like I’m not cut out for being here,” Aaron said, burying his face against Robert’s chest, not wanting to look at Robert as he admitted all this. Robert always seemed to have it together, when it came to university work - even when he claimed he was stressed, it paled in comparison to Aaron’s spectacular breakdowns.

“You wouldn’t have gotten into university if they thought you weren’t cut out for it,” Robert pointed out. “I get it, I do - it all feels a bit overwhelming sometimes, and it’s not a nice feeling, but don’t ever think you’re not cut out to be here, Aaron. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“I’m not half as smart as you.” 

Robert forced him to look up, shaking his head as he spoke. “Aaron, I couldn’t deal with doing your course. That marketing assignment you were doing the other week, when I was supposed to be helping? I hadn’t a clue what was going on, I was just saying things I thought sounded right.”

Aaron couldn’t help but laugh through his tears. “Really?”

“Yes!” Robert confirmed, grinning slightly. “Give me anything to do with computers, and programming, and I’ve got you, but your marketing assignment would have been the end of me.”

“I guess - I just feel like everyone has got their shit together, and I don’t,” Aaron admitted.

“Aaron,” Robert fixed him with a withering look. “Not a single person we know has their shit together, we’re at university. Connor went to a meeting with his thesis supervisor drunk last week.”

“Everyone seems like they’ve got it together,” Aaron huffed. 

“Everyone is good at pretending like they do,” Robert corrected, pressing a kiss to the side of Aaron’s head. “What’s next?”

“Hm?”

“What else is wrong? I’m here to fix all your problems!” Robert grinned, and Aaron couldn’t help but believe him, as he spoke. He knew logically Robert couldn’t fix his every problem, just like he couldn’t fix Robert’s, but even in the few minutes since his boyfriend had clambered into bed and talked with him, Aaron had begun to feel a million miles better.

But -

But if he told Robert about the whiteboard incident, Robert would hit the roof, and Aaron wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with the aftermath of Robert going off on one at his housemates.

He already felt like enough of an outsider living here.

“You’re here now,” Aaron said, tugging his duvet up around them. Robert would forgive him for a little white lie - he’d never have to forgive him, really, because Robert would never have to know. “That’s all I need.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron still didn’t feel 100%, if he was being honest. His late night chat with Robert had helped a lot, and he was trying not to stress himself out too much, but everything still felt a little overwhelming.

He figured Robert had noticed, too, his boyfriend a constant presence in his life in the week since Aaron’s teary, Friday night breakdown. Aaron appreciated it, he really did - Robert had always had this uncanny ability to settle the white noise in Aaron’s head. 

Robert had noticed, and he’d done his level best to cheer Aaron up, even organising them a dinner date in the city, taking Aaron to his favourite pizza restaurant, pulling out all the stops to make it the perfect night out, just the two of them.

Aaron wasn’t sure he’d ever felt love like this. This - this was the kind of love that felt like it had settled in his bones, like it had become a permanent part of him. His name was Aaron Dingle, he’s from Leeds, and he’s in love with Robert Sugden.

It was a fact of life, really, and Aaron wasn’t opposed to that being the case.

Even now, when he was having a hard time, when his brain seemed to want to rebel at every turn - his love for Robert was constant, and comforting, and Aaron had never been more grateful for the other man.

“Thank you for tonight,” Aaron said quietly, letting the two of them into his house, Robert still holding tightly to one of Aaron’s hands. “I really needed it, I think.”

“You don’t ever have to thank me,” Robert shook his head, pressing a soft kiss to Aaron’s lips. “It’s what we do, remember? We look out for each other.”

“I love you,” Aaron replied. He couldn’t really find the words to sum up how he felt, couldn’t put into words the feelings twisting through his chest, but ‘I love you’ always seemed to come close enough.

“I love you,” Robert echoed. “Bed, then?”

Aaron nodded. “I’m just going to grab a glass of water, you head up,” he said, Robert planting another kiss on his lips before he headed for the stairs, leaving Aaron alone in the quiet hallway. 

He paused, before he pushed the kitchen door open, the loud voices inside forcing him to stop.

“Look, I know he’s Adam and Scarlett’s best mate and everything, but he’s a proper weirdo,” Andrew’s voice drifted through a slight crack in the ajar door. “He’s always angry about something, he spends all his time in his room. I think I’ve seen his boyfriend more often than I’ve seen him.”

“God, how did he land a boyfriend like that?” Eloise said. “He’s way out of Aaron’s league.”

“He’s bisexual, you know,” Amy piped up. “I’m sure he’ll get bored of mopey Aaron soon, you can swoop in and take him for yourself.”

“Aaron’s got his claws so far into him, its never going to happen,” Thomas snorted. “What’s the betting he’ll fake a breakdown to make his boyfriend stick around? I heard him crying the other night, you know, and a few hours later Robert comes running, and he’s pretty much been here all week since. That’s not normal.”

“Nothing about Aaron is normal,” Amy hummed. “Seriously, if Adam mentions living with us again next year, we’ve got to drop the dead weight.”

“Maybe he’ll finally just drop out and save us all the hassle of an argument,” Andrew chimed in, drawing a laugh from everyone in the group.

Aaron couldn’t listen anymore. 

His housemates hated him. He’d - he’d worried, they didn’t like him very much. Aaron hadn’t really been himself at the start of the year, when they’d all been forming their friendships, fresh off the back of a breakup with Robert, and he’d ended up being on the outside looking in.

He hadn’t minded, had figured they could live happily together, but now - now he was listening to them talk about him being weird, and mopey, and dead weight.

Aaron was just about holding back the tears.

He couldn’t tell Robert.

If he told Robert, Robert would prove them right - he’d come thundering down and give them all a piece of his mind, and Aaron would look even more weird, and helpless, and sad.

He was all of those things, wasn’t he? 

(He was, he was, he **_was_**.)

Leaning against the wall, Aaron took a few steadying breathes, making sure he’d blinked back every possible tear before he headed upstairs, Robert already in bed, flicking through something on his phone.

“Come here, then,” Robert grinned, his best ‘come to bed’ eyes on, looking stupid gorgeous. 

Any other day, Aaron would have said yes.

But not today.

Not after hearing - after hearing that.

“I’m feeling really tired,” Aaron admitted, lying through his teeth. He’d only gotten up at lunchtime, he had no reason to be tired. “Do you mind if we just sleep?”

“Of course not!” Robert looked worried. “Can I get you anything? Have you got a headache?”

“I’m fine,” Aaron said, tossing his clothes into his laundry basket, trying to muster a smile. “I promise, I’m just tired. I’ve had a lot on, this week.”

Robert nodded, looking as though his worries were appeased. 

Aaron felt sick, felt terrible for lying to Robert, as he slid under his covers, Robert wrapping himself around Aaron, like it was the easiest, most normal thing in the world to do.

It was, it normally was.

But Aaron couldn’t shake his housemates words as he closed his eyes, and begged for sleep to come.

 

_Mopey._

 

_Weirdo._

 

_Dead weight._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn’t mean to pull away.

Well, no.

That was a lie, of course he meant to do it. It was what Aaron had always done best, when he was feeling like this. He’d pull away from every person who mattered - his mum, Paddy, Liv.

Now it was Robert’s turn.

Turns out, it was easy to fob most people off with excuses about university work. Aaron had managed to get out of more than one coffee date with Victoria by claiming he was in the library, and he fobbed a worried Adam off with excuses about needing to stay in and work on his essays rather than go to lectures.

Robert was harder.

Robert was willing to come and sit and watch him do essays, or meet him for a half an hour between classes just to see how he was. It was the kind of thing he normally loved, Aaron normally loved to spend so much time with Robert, loved when his boyfriend offered to cook, loved when Robert offered to come around and just sit in Aaron’s room and do his own work, keep him company.

Now though - now it was just making him feel more like dead weight than ever.

Like Robert had to look after him, like he was some kind of obligation.

_“Do you fancy coming around to mine tonight?”_ Robert asked. _“We’re having Mexican night, there’s going to be nachos, and enchiladas - oh, and tequila, of course. It’ll be fun, I feel like you haven’t been over in ages.”_

“I don’t know, I’ve got a lot of work on,” Aaron said, glancing over to his very much not turned on laptop. He hadn’t touched his essay all week, and it was due in a matter of days - he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

_“You can take a break for a couple of hours - we can even leave out the tequila, have a study night after we eat.”_

“I don’t really fancy it, sorry,” Aaron shook his head. “I’m just going to stay in and work.”

“ _Aaron_.”

“I need to do work, Robert,” Aaron said quietly. “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I waited outside your lecture for you today, where were you?”

Robert sounded worried.

Aaron couldn’t quite force himself out from his blanket cocoon, mumbling a reply. “I went to the library instead, I’ve got lots of work to do on this essay. I’ve got to go, okay?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**from: robert**

you’re not in the library, aaron.

aaron?

aaron, have i done something wrong? are you okay?

adam said you told him you stayed at mine last night to avoid going out with them.

aaron, please text me back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** you have one new voicemail from, robert sugden. **

“Aaron, I’m really starting to get worried now. Why aren’t you answering any of my messages? Please, just - let me know you’re okay, I’m coming around to yours otherwise.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** playing whatsapp voice message from robert sugden. **

“Aaron, I’m at your house, and you’re not here. Where are you? You’re really worrying me now.”

 

 

 

 

_ Mopey. _

 

_ Weirdo. _

 

_ Dead weight. _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**from robert:**

if you want to end things with me, just tell me, aaron.

i just need to know what you’re thinking.

i’m worried.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** from: adam **

mate, our marketing tutor says you’re getting a warning if you're absent again this week. attendance goes toward our final grade - i tried knocking on your door, but either you’re not in, or you’re not answering. i’m worried, mate, talk to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

** from: scarlett **

aaron, is everything okay? robert’s rung me, he’s worried about you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

** from: andrew **

it was your turn to put the bins out, why haven’t you done it? and you owe eloise money for the internet bill.

 

 

 

 

 

** from: thomas **

if you’ve moved out maybe you could let us know so we’re not depending on you for bills money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** new voicemail from, adam barton. **

 

“Aaron, mate - you’re going to get penalised on the attendance grade, they’re going to knock ten percent off your final mark for this module now. Where the hell were you this morning? I really tried to talk her round and get you this chance to get the attendance grade back. Just - talk to me, Aaron.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

** from: victoria **

i miss having coffee with you, aaron. please call me back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

** from: robert **

i miss you.

call me, please.

i’m worried.

i love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d last seen Robert. He’d done his level best to avoid his boyfriend completely, but he’d done the same with his friends, with classes.

His life had become one long, monotonous day - Aaron would wake up, pretend to go to class, wander around Manchester all day (or just stay in bed, his bedroom door locked) and then he’d come home, and lock himself in his room, and pretend like he couldn’t see anyone because he was working.

He had a 3,000 word essay due in the morning.

Aaron hadn’t even started it. 

Because he was useless, and mopey, and weird, and - and dead weight.

He wasn’t sure why he’d been so convinced he could do this, that he could come to university and actually make something of himself, that he could get good grades and make friends and be happy.

Aaron wasn’t cut out for it.

He wasn’t sure who’s razor he’d taken. Aaron thinks it was Scarlett’s, but it didn’t really matter - all he’d needed was the blade part, anyway. He’d buy her a new one, if he needed to.

Maybe she just wouldn’t notice.

This felt familiar.

This felt like something he could control.

Banging at Aaron’s bedroom door made him lift his head, his brain feeling as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool, every movement an almighty effort. “I’m working,” he called out.

His voice sounded hoarse, as though it hadn’t be used in days.

(Maybe it hadn’t been.)

“Aaron, open your door now,” Robert sounded worried. Angry, maybe.

“Robert, I said I’m working.”

Robert needed to leave.

“Aaron, if you don’t open this door right now, I will break it down,” Robert threatened. “This has gone on for long enough, okay? There’s something wrong, and I want to help you, so let me in.”

Aaron wasn’t stupid. He knew when he was fighting a losing battle, and the shake of his bedroom door as Robert pushed against the lock was a clear signal it was time to let Robert in.

“Just you.”

“What?”  


“I only want to see you,” Aaron said, hand hovering over the lock. “Just you, Robert.”

“It’s just me, I swear,” Robert took a second to respond. “Adam and Scarlett are in Adam’s room, everyone else is out. It’s just me here, okay? So open the door and let me in.”

Aaron hesitated for a second before he unlocked the door, remembering all the times Robert had talked him off a ledge without even knowing he’d been doing it. Maybe - maybe he should just let Robert help.

Robert didn’t look very good, Aaron noted. He looked as though he hadn’t been sleeping, dark circles practically black under his eyes, his blond hair a mess. “Aaron - Aaron, what have you done to yourself?”

Oh.

He’d forgotten about that.

“It’s fine, it’s not too deep,” Aaron pulled his sleeves down over his forearms, trying to hide the blood. 

“Aaron, are you self harming again?”

Lying wasn’t going to work, was it?

“Yes.” Aaron hated the terrified look that flashed across Robert’s face as realisation dawned on him. “Can I give you the razor?” he inquired, feeling strange - as though he was asking Robert a question about the weather.

“Yes, please - please do,” Robert said, picking up a discarded t-shirt off the floor. “I’m going to wrap it in this, yeah? I’ll get rid of it.”

Aaron felt a bit numb, if he was being honest. “I don’t know why I’ve done it again,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve been good, haven’t I? I’ve been dealing with it.”

“It’s okay,” Robert guided Aaron to sit on the edge of his bed. “It’s okay, you’ve done it again but we can sort it out. You’ve just got to talk to me, yeah? Why have you been ignoring me? Has this been going on the whole time?”

“That’s a lot of questions.”

“Sorry, sorry - I just don’t know what to say,” Robert admitted, looking helpless. 

“This was the only time,” Aaron said softly, glancing down at his hoodie covered arms. “It’s all too much, Robert.”

“Is it university? Your essay?”

Aaron nodded, glancing across the room at his still turned off computer. “I can’t do it,” he mumbled. “It’s due tomorrow and I haven’t started.”

“That’s okay, you can email your tutor and explain, yeah? You can get an extension, don’t worry,” Robert rubbed long, slow circles over Aaron’s back, trying to calm himself down, as much as he was trying to give Aaron comfort. “There has to be something else, though, right? This isn’t just about an essay.”

Aaron was quiet for a second. How - how was he supposed to tell Robert, confess to all the little white lies he’d told over the past few weeks that had ended with them here, Aaron in this state?

“It’s everything, Robert,” Aaron said, his eyes welling up. “I feel like I’m not coping, not with anything - and my housemates hate me.”

“Your housemates don’t hate you, Aaron.”

“They do,” Aaron wiped roughly at his eyes, wincing at his tugged at the tender skin of his forearms. “I’m weird, apparently, and mopey - and dead weight. They think you’re only with me out of obligation, because I’d have a breakdown without you.”

Robert looked shocked, and Aaron understood - any interaction he had with Aaron’s housemates over the months had been perfectly civil. “Don’t tell me you believe that,” he shook his head, tears threatening in his eyes.

“I do.”

The words hung heavily between them, Robert looking as though he didn’t know what to say.

“Of course I believe them, Robert,” Aaron added, picking at a loose thread in his tracksuit bottoms. “I’m not - I’m not normal, you shouldn’t want to be with me, not when I’m like this. I ignore you, and I push you away, because I don’t - I don’t know how to deal with everything going on in my head, do I? That makes me an obligation.”

“Don’t say that,” Robert sounded harsh, harsher than he’d intended to. “You have never, ever been an obligation to me, Aaron. I love you. I love you, and that’s why I’m here - because no matter how you’re feeling now, none of it makes you anything other than _my_ Aaron, the only person in the world who understands me, who can make me laugh the way you do. Does that sound like I’m obligated to be with you?”

“I just - I want to be normal, I want to be your normal, not insane boyfriend,” Aaron managed to choke out, tears pouring down his cheeks now, Aaron unable to hold back the upset now he was finally letting it out.

“You’re not insane,” Robert shook his head, cupping Aaron’s cheeks in his hands, trying to wipe away the worst of the tears. “Please don’t say that.”

“I’m still not normal though, am I?”

Robert cracked a tiny smile, wiping at Aaron’s eyes with the sleeve of his jumper. “Am I normal?” he countered. “You’re hurting, yeah? You’re hurting, and I want to help you. Will you let me help you?”

Aaron nodded, Robert’s hands on his face giving him some sort of comfort, the kind of comfort he’d been craving for weeks now, a craving he’d been determined to ignore. “I think I need help.”

“That’s okay,” Robert reassured. “We all do, sometimes. But you look after me, and I look after you. That’s how it works, remember?”

“Do I? Look after you, I mean.”

“Always,” Robert confirmed. “The only reason I’m getting through final year is because I’ve got you here to love me, Aaron. Please - please don’t feel like you don’t help me as much as I help you, because you do. You’ve done so much for me, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

Aaron wasn’t quite sure he was ready to hear it, then and there. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Looking after me,” Aaron said quietly. “Other people wouldn’t have.”

“More people love you than I think you realise, Aaron,” Robert said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Will you let me take you to the hospital? I want to make sure you’ve not hurt yourself badly.”

“They’ll make me have a mental health assessment.”

“Yeah, they probably will. Is that okay?” 

Aaron was tired.

Tired of being alone, tired of feeling like this.

Just, tired.

“Yeah,” he admitted, feeling as though a weight had been lifted as he spoke. “I think that’ll be okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn't much like hospitals.

They’d cleaned his arms up fairly quickly - they’d been superficial wounds, apparently, the nurse reassuring him they’d be gone before he knew it. He’d been through it all before - bandages, anti-bacterial gel, antibiotics, on the worst days.

(This hadn’t been a worst day.)

They weren’t allowed to leave just yet, though. Aaron needed a mental health assessment, and well - they all knew the state of the NHS, didn’t they? 

“Come here,” Aaron said quietly, gesturing for Robert to come and sit next to him on the tiny hospital bed he was sitting on, the paper thin curtains around them giving the illusion of privacy.

“You okay?” Robert looked exhausted, but relieved.

Aaron understood.

“I just want you to come here,” Aaron said, the corners of his mouth quirking up into a small smile. 

Robert returned the smile, settling himself in next to Aaron, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s hoodie clad body. “I’m proud of you, you know,” he said quietly. “Waiting it out for this assessment.”

“The first time my mum brought me to A&E, when I started self harming, I didn’t stay,” Aaron said, playing with the cuff of Robert’s jumper. “I only got worse, didn’t I? And maybe I wouldn’t have, if I had stayed.”

“It’s hard, to admit you need help.”

Aaron nodded. “I don’t want to feel like this,” he said. “I know - I know how it feels to be happy, and healthier now, and I want to feel like that again. I should have realised I was spiralling out of control again, but I just didn’t want to admit I could go backwards, you know?”

“This isn’t you going backwards, you know,” Robert shook his head, tangling their fingers together. “It’s just a bump in the road, everyone has them.”

“You should be a counsellor, you,” Aaron couldn’t help but grin. “That’s what they call positive thinking.”

“You’re the strongest person I know,” Robert said, lifting the back of Aaron’s hand to his mouth, kissing it gently. “I just want to make sure you remember that.”

“Sap,” Aaron said affectionately. “How - how am I supposed to go home after this, Rob? They all think I’m crazy as it is.”

“You could stay with me.”

Aaron twisted so he was looking at Robert properly. “Really?” 

Robert nodded. “I’ve got a big room,” he shrugged. “We’ve got a few weeks left before the summer, my housemates won’t mind - and I love you, don’t I? I don’t want you to go back and live with those idiots, not when they make you feel like this.”

“I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d try and protect me,” Aaron admitted quietly, the whirl of hospital machinery around them the strangest sort of background noise you could imagine for such a serious conversation.

“You realise that makes no sense, right? Because I’m fit to murder your housemates now.”

“Shut up,” Aaron rolled his eyes. He had to admit it felt good to have Robert be so outwardly protective, so ready to fight his corner. If he hadn’t been so stupid all along, he could have had Robert sort this all out - his housemates opinions be damned.

“You’re as protective as I am anyway,” Robert said. “You were ready to drop kick Katie, last summer.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I mean, it’s not dramatic if it’s true, is it?” Robert grinned, looking infinitely more an ease than he had done a few hours earlier, when he’d brought Aaron to A&E, driving slower than Aaron had ever known him to, safety clearly on his mind. “I mean it though, move in with me.”

Aaron thought about Robert’s house, about the bedroom that held so many good memories for him, all the places in Robert’s student house where they had fallen in love. “Yes - yeah, that would be great, thank you.”

Before their conversation could continue, the paper thin curtains around Aaron’s bed were tugged open, a new doctor standing at the foot of his bed. “Hi, Aaron, my name is Beth, I’m here for your assessment. Are you feeling okay to talk now?”

Robert looked at him expectantly, waiting for Aaron to give the okay.

Aaron really, really just wanted to yell to the world about how much he loved this stupidly gorgeous, kind man who’d sat up all night in A&E with him, just to be sure Aaron was alright.

“Yeah,” Aaron gave Robert’s hand a squeeze. “I’m happy to talk now.”

“I’ll go and grab a coffee then,” Robert said, untangling himself from Aaron and heading out of the ward, leaving Aaron and Beth behind in a very silent cubicle.

“We can go at your pace, Aaron,” Beth reassured with a smile, pulling up a chair next to his bed.

Aaron let out a shaky breath. “No, I’m - I’m okay, I’m ready.”

And he was.

He was ready to talk, he was ready to ask for help.

He was going to be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An appointment letter for the university counsellor was the newest addition to the cork-board over Robert’s desk, Aaron’s things scattered all around the room that had become theirs.

“You okay?” Robert settled his hands on Aaron’s waist, holding him close. 

Aaron nodded. “I just feel really tired,” he admitted. “It’s been a long few weeks, and I haven’t really noticed how tired I was.”

"Let's go to bed then," Robert said, giving his waist a gentle squeeze. 

Aaron was quiet, lost in his thoughts.

"Hey, talk to me."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, you know," Aaron admitted, turning so he was facing Robert, smoothing his hands across his boyfriend's chest, the material of Robert's pyjama t-shirt soft under his fingertips. It wasn't an exaggeration, it really wasn't - and it wasn't just because of the last few weeks, because of hospital, because of Robert letting him move in. It was because of that, and more - it was because Aaron couldn't imagine happiness without Robert anymore, couldn't imagine having to live his life without his boyfriend in it.

He was so gone for Robert, it was scary. It was scary to love someone like he loved Robert, and Aaron was sure he'd have his doubts, his wobbly moments, but a lot of the time, he felt like he was ready for that kind of love, the kind of all consuming, last a lifetime love it felt like he had with Robert.

It was scary, yes, but it was also everything Aaron never knew he had wanted.

"You'll never have to figure it out," Robert reassured, gentle hands cupping Aaron's face, pressing a light, soft kiss to each of his cheeks, the tip of his nose. "We're forever, you and me. You get the best and worst of me, Dingle."

"And you get the best and worst of me," Aaron echoed. It felt a lot like the worst was winning, these days, his issues coming to the fore and dominating his every move, as if they could control his life. They couldn't, not anymore, Aaron was going to be sure of that, he'd agreed to counselling, he was on a waiting list, he was fixing himself - but that still meant Robert had to deal with all the worst parts of him while they lay open, and fragile, and on display.

"And I love every inch of you equally," Robert said, holding him close. "Good or bad, if it's you, I love it."

"I don't deserve you," Aaron breathed out, feeling his eyes well with tears again. Happy tears, this time.

"You do," Robert shook his head. "We deserve each other, and we deserve to be happy."

"We will be," Aaron reassured, determined to prove his own words right. "We're going to be happy, Robert."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron slammed Robert’s bedroom (their bedroom, it was their bedroom now) door behind him a little harder than he’d anticipated, making Robert jump a little, his boyfriend sitting in bed, watching something on his laptop.

“You look suspicious,” Robert commented, easing his laptop shut, carefully placing it on his bedside locker.

"Maybe I am a little suspicious," Aaron grinned, dumping his backpack on the ground, rooting in his jacket pocket until he found what he had been looking for. "But I've got weed."

Robert raised an eyebrow. "You've got weed?" 

"You've smoked it before, don't be a dolt," Aaron said, flopping down on Robert's bed.

"Yeah, but why have you got weed now?" Robert asked, checking his watch. "Its like, 6pm on a Tuesday, Aaron." 

"Back when I was in school, I had this mate, Eli - proper stoner, seriously - anyway, when I got out of hospital after I..." Aaron trailed off, hoping he wouldn't have to say it. Thing still felt a little fragile, Aaron waiting on his first appointment with the university counsellor. Robert gave a quick nod, making sure Aaron knew he could continue without having to explain. "He came around to mine, and we got high. Nothing crazy, you know, but enough to take me out of my own head a bit, and it helped."

Robert took the plastic bag from Aaron, inspecting it carefully. "Where did you get it from?"

"It's decent," Aaron reassured. "Eli's got a mate who lives in Manchester, he sorted me out with it."

"So you want to get high so you can chill out?"

"Yup!" Aaron nodded, unable to wipe the grin from his face. "I just think it would help me a lot, my head still feels a bit all over the place, and I'm tired, and I just want to get a little bit high, and sleep. You don't have to, if you don't want to, but - I want to, so could I smoke it here?"

"It's your room as much as it is mine," Robert said, still turning the packet over in his hand, the neatly rolled joint inside stark against the clear plastic. "Anyway, like I'd let you get high and have all the fun without me."

Aaron couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "I brought crisps, and chocolate - in case we got the munchies."

Robert laughed, pressing a kiss to Aaron's lips, clearly enjoying how utterly delighted Aaron sounded. "Light it up then, Dingle."

 

 

 

 

 

"I always forget how weird being high feels," Aaron said, waving his hands in front of his face. It felt as though his entire body was about to sink through the mattress, Aaron feeling stress free and on the verge of laughter. 

Eli's mate had been right, it was good weed.

"I feel a bit like a blurry photograph," Robert admitted, turning so he was facing Aaron. "God, you've got such a nice face."

Aaron couldn't help but prod at Robert's cheeks, humming his agreement. "I also like your face a lot," he said, pressing crisp flavoured kisses to Robert's cheeks, his nose. "It's a good face."

"Only good?"

"It's a gorgeous face," Aaron corrected himself. "My gorgeous Robert."

"My gorgeous Aaron," Robert echoed. "Do you feel good?"  


"I feel so good," Aaron confirmed, throwing his hands out wide, spreading himself across Robert's bed. "I haven't felt this good in ages. God, don't you feel good? I feel so good. Like, so good."

"Good."

"Good."

"Maybe we should stop saying good," Robert snorted. "It doesn't feel like a word anymore."

"It's like - like a fake word," Aaron laughed, delighted with himself. "A fake word! Fake news!"

"You're an idiot," Robert shook his head, laughing. "I can't believe you've eaten all the crisps already."

"I thought I had the munchies, but turns out I didn't, I was just hungry, and now I have the munchies and it feels like I've eaten cotton wool," Aaron said, licking at his lips. "Do you have water?"

Robert nodded, passing Aaron the bottle of water that always stood on his bedside locker. "I like seeing you smile," he said softly, watching as Aaron downed half the bottle of water in one go, clearly thirsty. "I've missed your smile."

"I'm sorry I went so weird for a while there," Aaron said, sitting up properly. This felt like a conversation they needed to have sitting up, like grown ups - they were grown ups, him and Robert. 

"S'ok," Robert shrugged, struggling into a sitting position himself, his brow furrowed. "You came back to me, didn't you?" 

"I always will," Aaron reassured him, placing a messy, uncoordinated kiss on the corner of Robert's mouth. "I promise, I'll always come back to you."

"I promise I'll always come back to you," Robert echoed, his expression sincere. "You want to know what else I promise?"

"What?" Aaron felt like an excited child, as he asked. It was silly, really - they were both high as kites, and probably wouldn't remember half of what they'd talked about, but he still felt excited by it all.

"I promise I'm going to marry you one day," Robert declared, confident in his words in a way that made Aaron's heart skip out of his chest. "I promise you Aaron Dingle, when - when we're real grown ups, and we've got jobs, and a flat of our own, I'm going to ask you to marry me, and we're going to be happy together forever and ever."

Marriage.

Marriage didn't sound so bad, did it? A lifetime spent with your best friend.

Aaron liked that. 

"Well, I promise you that when you ask, I'll say yes," Aaron said, holding out his pinky finger. "Pinky promise."

"Pinky promise," Robert agreed solemnly. "Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you come to my final year ball with me?" Robert asked, his eyes pleading. He looked a bit like a puppy dog, when he did that, Aaron decided, squishing Robert's cheeks together. "I love you and I want you to come with me."

"Fiiiiiine." Aaron agreed, pressing at Robert's nose. "Has your face always been this squishy?"

Robert's brow furrowed, as though Aaron had just asked him an altogether very serious question. "I don't know."

"It's a good face," Aaron reiterated their earlier words. "Squishy. You know, I read somewhere once that if you have sex when you're high, it feels amazing."

Robert let out an uncharacteristic snort, the sound loud and unexpected. "I don't know if I could put all my body parts in the right places right now."

Aaron grinned, moving to straddle Robert's waist, determined now. "Let me do all the work then."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t believe I’ve agreed to this,” Aaron grumbled, tugging at the tie he was wearing. It was one he borrowed from Robert, the suit one of Adam’s, surprisingly. He’d never been to the business ball, not in the two years he’d been at university, but somehow, he’d ended up at Robert’s final year computer science ball.

He’d rather be eating glass.

“You were high and you’d do anything for me,” Robert grinned, tugging Aaron close to his side. 

“I still maintain my yes wasn’t valid because I was high,” Aaron said, glancing around the room. They’d managed to turn the hotel ballroom into an absolute wonderland, he’d have to give them that much - the theme was the Mad Hatter’s tea party, apparently, and Aaron did feel a bit like he’d fallen down the rabbit hole as they milled around the drinks reception, Robert swiping them two of the gaudy looking cocktails that were on offer - and it wasn’t because of the decorations.

He’d never much felt like he fit in with Robert’s computer science classmates, and although he’d had fun at house parties they’d hosted, this was an entirely different story.

Plus, well.

Aaron knew a lot of people knew about him moving in with Robert. He knew Robert hadn’t said why, but people weren’t silly, and the state of Aaron the few weeks before he’d moved in, well - it was obvious he’d been at least halfway to a mental breakdown.

“Come on, let’s go into the photo-booth,” Robert suggested, nudging Aaron toward the ridiculous photo-booth in the corner, something they’d apparently blown most of their budget on, according to a delighted Leyla.

“Really?”  


“Yes, really!” Robert rolled his eyes. “Come on, don’t be in a grump the whole night, we’re here to have fun.”

Aaron was about to argue that it was impossible to have fun in a suit, but he caught the look of sheer excitement on Robert’s face. Robert was one of those people who thrived on the social scene of university, and he knew his boyfriend was starting to count his lasts, and this was his last university ball.

He’d put a brave face on and pretend to enjoy it for Robert.

“We’re not doing cutesy couple pictures,” Aaron warned, the two of them squashing into the photo-booth, settling themselves in front of the camera.

“Oh, I want us to look as ugly as possible,” Robert grinned, the countdown beginning on screen. “Do your worst, Dingle.”

And his worst Aaron did.

The pictures were hardly the most flattering, Aaron noted, the two of them laughing at the collection of five utterly terrible photos they’d taken, pulling all sorts of faces, Robert attempting to give Aaron bunny ears at one point (which ended up with Robert in a headlock, and Aaron looking more than triumphant.)

“Thank you,” Robert said softly, giving Aaron an appreciative smile. “I know this isn’t your scene, but I appreciate you being here, and doing this for me.”  


“You’ve done so much for me the past few weeks, it’s the least I can do,” Aaron said, leaning up to press a kiss to Robert’s lips, the gesture long, and lingering. He hadn’t exactly been excited about coming to the ball, but he had to admit he was enjoying himself so far - any time he got to spend with Robert was a good time, really. 

“I’ve only got a few weeks left,” Robert said quietly, holding tightly to the photo-booth pictures. “I want to leave with all the good memories I can, and I want you to be in all those memories, Aaron. You’re always going to be the best thing about university for me.”

Aaron would have resented Robert’s ability to make his heart stop in his chest with nothing more than a sentence if he didn’t love it so much, if he didn’t love how absolutely, unapologetically Robert loved him. 

He smiled at Robert, wishing, hoping half the love that seemed to ooze from Robert’s every inch was being reflected back at his boyfriend. “Then lets make some memories, shall we?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh god, not again,” Aaron pretended to pull a face, half-heartedly folding their washing. It was the third day it was being left ignored on the clothes airer, and enough was enough, really - however much he hated doing laundry, he was sick of falling asleep with Robert’s pants in his eye-line.

“Shut up, you love my ideas,” Robert grinned. “Rebecca’s family, they’ve got an apartment in the South of France.”

“Unsurprising.”

“I mean okay, thats fair,” Robert laughed, reaching around Aaron to take the pile of washing, shoving it into their chest of drawers. “Anyway, Rebecca was saying their dad and Chrissie don’t much like it anymore, they’ve got a villa in Greece they tend to go to more.’

“This is fascinating, Robert,” Aaron drawled, not caring in the least about Rebecca and her family’s holiday plans. Hell, he hardly listened to his mum when she’d been banging on about a girls trip to Malaga she’d booked for mid-July - he just really wasn’t very interested.

“Shut up and let me finish,” Robert rolled his eyes. “I want to have a summer to remember this summer, you know? I’m just finishing up university, I’m going to need to get a real job - but before all that, I want to just have a good summer, and Bex was saying her dad would be willing to rent it for mates rates, and it’s in a really touristy area so it wouldn’t be hard for us to get jobs, and…."

“What are you saying?”

“Do you want to spend the summer in the South of France?” Robert asked hopefully. “It’d just be you and me, we could work, and travel, and soak up the sun. It’d be brilliant, right?”

Aaron couldn’t help but be a little stunned. This wasn’t exactly what he had been expecting from Robert, if he was honest - he’d figured they’d end up going on holiday that summer, maybe in August when they had some cash saved up, right before Aaron went back to university, but moving away to France for the summer wasn’t something that would have ever crossed his mind.

“Aaron?” Robert still had that stupidly hopeful look on his face, looking as though his idea was the best thing anyone on planet Earth had ever come up with, his eyes wide and pleading.

“I don’t - I don’t know, Robert,” Aaron managed to say, voice shaking. “Can I think about it?”

Robert wasn’t quick enough to hide his crushed expression. “Yeah, yeah - of course! It was just an idea. Anyway, do you fancy stir fry for tea? I’ve got chicken that needs to be used.”

“Robert,” Aaron put a gentle hand on his boyfriends arm, interrupting his tirade about chicken. “I didn’t say no.”

“It’s fine!” Robert said in a voice far too bright to be genuine. “It was just an idea, remember?”

“Robert.”

“Think about it as long as you need to, seriously!” Robert said, planting an exaggerated kiss on Aaron’s cheek. “I’m going to make dinner, you finish the laundry, yeah?”

Before Aaron could reply, Robert was gone, leaving Aaron to his pile of pants and the sinking feeling he’d just given Robert a very wrong answer. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adam looked at him curiously as Aaron flung himself down into the booth with a huff. “You’ve got a face like a slapped trout,” he commented, nudging a pint toward Aaron. “What’s wrong? Has Robert done summat? I’d get it, you know, he’s a right pain in the arse.”  


“Oi, that’s my boyfriend you’re shit talking!” Aaron rolled his eyes, taking a sip of the cool cider, feeling instantly happier. There was something about post-exam time, the beginnings of some summer sun, and a glass of cider that had him feeling like he could take on the world. “Anyway, he’s not done anything, not really.”

“That means he’s done something,” Adam said knowingly.

Sometimes his best friend knew him a little bit too well, Aaron decided.

“He’s done something nice, actually,” Aaron admitted, messing with a stray beer mat. “He wants us to go spent the summer in the South of France together. Bex’s family has a house down there they don’t really use, apparently they prefer to summer in Greece, these days.”

Adam’s brow wrinkled. “Nice for some.”  


“I know,” Aaron couldn’t help but snort. He liked Rebecca, he did, but he was glad he hadn’t been there for the conversation where she explained to Robert that their apartment in the South of France wasn’t their number one holiday home anymore - it was all a bit middle class, wasn’t it?

“Sounds nice though,” Adam said. “Sun, sea - your fella. What’s not to love about the idea?”

Aaron was quiet for a second, trying to put his reservations into words. “A whole summer, just the two of us?”

Adam laughed. “That’s the dream, mate. Well, your dream - Robert’s not really my type, is he?”  


Aaron rolled his eyes. “Hilarious,” he muttered. “I guess I’m just worried it’ll be the breaking of us. There’s nowhere to run to if it’s just me and him living together in a foreign country.”

“I don’t think anything is going to break you two apart,” Adam said, serious now. “You’ve been through too much together, especially this year, to not be able to cope with living together. I mean Aaron, mate, you live together now, and it works, right?”  


Aaron nodded slowly. “I just don’t want to do this and regret it.”

Adam looked thoughtful, taking a drag of his pint. “You want to know what regret feels like?” he asked, voice shaking slightly. “Regret is me and Scarlett. I’ve known her for nearly two years now, and there was something there, I know there was, but I never took the chance because I was scared too, Aaron, and now I have to watch her be in love with someone else. That’s what regret feels like.”

“Ad, I’m sorry.”

Adam shook off his concern. “All I’m trying to say mate, is you’ll regret it more if you don’t go for it. Maybe it’ll be the breaking of you, and you’ll fight all summer - or maybe you’ll get to spend a brilliant summer with your boyfriend, and it’ll be the making of ya. You won’t know until you try, you know? And not trying causes more regret than trying. If you try, and fail, its a different story.”  


“When did you get so wise?” Aaron teased, Adam’s words sinking in. He didn’t regret a lot, in life, and Aaron didn’t fancy starting now. The prospect of moving to a foreign country with his boyfriend, however temporary the move might be, was nerve-wracking, but Adam was right - it could be the making of them.

Neither of them knew what the future was bringing, now. Robert was an exam and a results day away from finishing up at university forever, and Aaron had another year to go. 

Come September, nothing was going to be simple anymore, and after the semester they’d just put down, they deserved simple.

They deserved sun, sea, sand - and the South of France.

Aaron was going to say yes. He was going to say yes to a whole summer of living with Robert, and being hopelessly, endlessly, stupidly in love with the man who’d become his entire world, over the past five months.

“I have, haven’t I?” Adam’s grin brought Aaron back to reality. “I blame Vic, you know, we’ve been hanging out more, she’s got a lot to say about, well - about everything. I like her, you know.”

“Don’t tell Robert that,” Aaron grinned, knowing (or at least assuming) Adam’s intentions regarding Robert’s precious baby sister were far from romantic. “He’ll have your head on a platter before the end of the day.”

Adam hummed his agreement, leaning back in his seat. “If he ever finds out, I know it’ll be you who told him, ya rat.”

Aaron raised his hands in surrender. “My lips are sealed, lover-boy.”  


“I don’t - I don’t see her like that, mate,” Adam rolled his eyes. “She’s your boyfriends kid sister, I’m not completely mental.”

“Good, because I’m fairly certain Robert’s actually got her chipped,” Aaron teased, thinking of all the evenings Victoria had been out at parties, her Snapchat story stupidly long, Robert getting more and more rabid as the evening went on, ever the concerned, overprotective big brother.

“You know,” Adam sighed, reaching for his cider. “That wouldn’t surprise anyone - least of all Victoria.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert looked stressed, Aaron noted. He was hunched over his desk, pouring over what looked to be half a forests worth of printed up notes, his boyfriend’s hair practically standing on end, no doubt from Robert running his hands through it, frustrated.

Final exams had been hard on Robert, the accumulation of three years worth of studying coming to one very, very stressful end.

“Hey, you,” Aaron greeted quietly, setting his backpack down on their bed, crossing the room so he was standing behind Robert’s desk chair, wrapping his arms around Robert’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “How’s it going?”

“I think I might be overthinking it,” Robert admitted, leaning back into Aaron’s embrace. “I know I know this stuff.”

“You do, you’re the smartest person I know,” Aaron reassured, peppering kisses against Robert’s cheek. “One last exam Sugden, and you’re a free man. How does it feel?”

“Daunting,” Robert admitted, turning his head slightly so he could look at Aaron. “It’s strange, not knowing what the future holds, you know? Being in university is so easy, I always knew at the end of the year I’d be back here again come September, and that’s not the case anymore.”’

Aaron could hear the nervousness in Robert’s voice, clear as day. Confident and cocky, Robert had rarely let on about how truly nervous he was about leaving university, about going off into the big bad world once and for all. 

“How can I help?”

“Just keep holding me,” Robert replied with a smile, tugging at Aaron’s hands, urging him to come around and sit on his lap. It wasn’t the first time they’d tested their combined weight in his rickety desk chair, but one of these days, Aaron knew, they’d both go flying.

For now though, Aaron was happy to settle himself in Robert’s lap, wrapping an arm around Robert’s shoulders. “I can do one better,” he said, barely able to keep the smile from his face.

“Hm?”  
  
“Book us flights to France,” Aaron said, pressing a kiss to Robert’s lips, barely giving his boyfriend the chance to react.

“You mean it? You want to spend the summer with me?” Robert looked as though Aaron had just given him the winning lottery numbers, beaming ear-to-ear at the prospect of them doing this, really doing this. 

“Like you said, we don’t know what the future holds,” Aaron shrugged slightly. “I’d regret it, if I didn’t take a chance on you and me, on this. A whole summer, away from here - I think it’d be good for us, you’re right.”

“It’s going to be the best summer ever!” Robert declared excitedly, sending them spinning across his room, the two of them just about managing to land on the bed, Aaron snorting out a laugh as Robert smothered him in kisses.

“Don’t make me change my mind!”

“You’d never,” Robert grinned. “You, me and the South of France, for a whole three months. How does that sound?”

Dreamy.

Perfect.

Everything he needed.

Aaron smirked. “Sounds alright.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“FR3102 to Nice is now boarding.”

“No backing out now, eh?” Robert joked, the boarding queue inching forward slowly, the two of them about to leave the UK, and a very rainy Manchester, behind for the entire summer.

Sun, sea, sand, and the South of France awaited.

Aaron slipped his hand into Robert’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Like I’d back out on the greatest summer ever.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can only apologise for how long this has taken to update. life very much got in the way, and my masters (and lack of inspiration) decided to simultaneously kick my ass. but, i hope the length of the update made up for the wait, and i won't leave you hanging that long again - the next chapter will be a fun one!


End file.
